Just because someone’s fictional, that doesn’t mean they can’t be involved in juicy scandal! Here’s all the gossip on your favorite fantasy characters:

What happened to the kids from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in the forty-some years since the book was published? The Poison Pen decided to find out!

• Despite some news reports to the contrary, Veruca Salt, after being thrown down the “bad nut” chute by squirrels, was, in fact, killed in the Chocolate Factory incinerator — a scandal that resulted in Willy Wonka’s eventual conviction for manslaughter and 26-year prison sentence (where, for a time, he famously shared a cell with Jack Kevorkian).

• Violet Beauregarde turned to a career in acting, but struggled for years to find roles due mostly to the fact that her skin was blue. But she has recently seen her fortunes turn with her role as Mo’at, the only non-CGI-created Na’vi character in Avatar, and a prominent role in the upcoming Smurfs movie.

• After being stretched by the Gum Stretcher, Mike Teevee ended up 8′9″ tall and, as Willy Wonky predicted, was heavily recruited by college basketball teams, though Teevee turned them all down, instead devoting his life to researching the “human teleportation” technology he had inadvertently pioneered with Willy Wonka’s “Chocolate Television” invention. Alas, a mishap in the lab led to his exchanging his DNA with that of a fly, and Teevee, horrified that he was now half-fly, ended up squishing himself under a hydraulic press. The resulting corpse ended up a record 18′4″ tall.

• Inspired by Wilson Phillips singer Carnie Wilson’s success with gastric bypass surgery, Augustus Gloop opted for the surgery too, though, like Carnie, he continued to struggle with food. Still, sensing a kindred soul, Carnie invited Augustus to join Wilson Phillips, and the group toured briefly under the name Wilson Phillips Gloop, but Augustus was later booted from the band when he ate their grand piano.
  

• And Charlie Bucket has perhaps the saddest post-Chocolate Factory story. Inheriting the Wonka chocolate factory from Willy Wonka, he quickly drove it into ruin with poor business choices: flaming lollipops and “chocolate doggy-doo-doos” were notorious disasters, but Bucket did have some minor success with a line of edible Jockey shorts. Working conditions at the Wonka Factory got so bad that at one point the Oompa Loompas rioted, provoking a response that turned violent and left six Loompas dead; Bucket remained alive only as a result of an escape via the Great Glass Elevator. Determined to leave his notoriety behind, Bucket later changed his name and did find some initial success in the business realm, though that too eventually unraveled in spectacular fashion. Unknown to many, his new name was Bernie Madoff.

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