A couple of weeks ago, we here at TheTorchOnline.com argued that the “superhero” and “vampire” media trends are both rapidly coming to an end. In the “comments,” some people agreed with us, but others took issue with some of our various arguments.
Now TheTorchOnline.com reader TomB has used “xtranormal” technology to animate the debate!
What do you think?
True Blood is one of our staples here at TheTorchonline.com — a true blend of mystery and fantasy, with a dash of softcore erotica and a heaping helping of horror.
While its main fantastical component is the existence of vampires, other creatures have reared their magical heads, particularly shapeshifters, werewolves, and even a Maenad. (They had a fake-out of a Minotaur, but it was just the Maenad in disguise. Oh, well.)
All these phantasmagorical beings got me thinking about what other creatures could invade the not-so-sleepy town of Bon Temps. Sure, the show is based on the Sookie Stackhouse novels, but they’ve been known to deviate, and it would be really cool, given the nature of True Blood’s awesome production values and special effects, to see some of these beings onscreen.
Incubi and Succubi
On a libidinous show such as True Blood, Incubi and Succubi would fit right in. They are the male and female forms of a type of demon that preys upon humans by laying on top of them while they sleep. According to some sources, they then invade the sleeper’s mind in the form of erotic dreams, while in other versions they actually have sex with their victim in real life.
Either way, this results in draining the victim of their energy and eventually killing them. Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how Sookie Stackhouse, a telepath, might be able to fight off a psychic attack by an Incubus?
Banshees
In Irish mythology, banshees were female beings that served as omens of death, and are known for their piercing screams. With a little tweaking of the story, the writers could turn the banshees into some serious enemies, possibly pushing people to their deaths with their screams. It sure would be cool to see how the vamps of Louisiana deal with such a threat. Also, Lafayette should definitely tell a banshee, “Hooker, please.” That would be great television.
Mermaids and Mermen
One of the most well-known and recognized fantastical citizens of the sea, merfolk would make an interesting angle on the show, seeing as how they show a lot of skin and can commune with sea animals. While the characters on True Blood don’t spend a lot of time on the coast, it would be pretty awesome if Eric had to go head-to-head with a pissed-off merman.
Maybe the approach they could take is that merfolk are just another form of shifters, like in the movie Splash, and whenever they get wet their more scaly side rears its fins. Who knows? Maybe Arlene has got a real fishy secret.
Gorgons
In Greek mythology, the gorgons were hideously ugly female monsters with snakes for hair. Their most famous member, Medusa, even had the power to turn people to stone with one look. Sure, we might have had an overload of Medusa recently, what with her appearances in both Clash of the Titans and Percy Jackson and the Olympians. But if anybody could give her a fresh spin, it’s Alan Ball, and I’d personally love to see bitchy vamp Pam face off against one of these beasts.
Chupacabras
Of all the cryptids out there, I think chupacabras are my favorite, because, well, they’re tiny. Sure, they’ll suck the guts out of your livestock and ruin your crops, but come on, they”re so adorable. Just look at this guy.
Standing about 3 feet tall, these alien-esque little critters began to catch fame in Puerto Rico before moving to other parts of the world.
There’s a few theories on what these diminutive demons look like, but the prevailing one sort of looks like a prehistoric version of the Gremlins, once they’ve been fed after midnight. Oh, and if they were fed mescaline.
Wouldn’t it be a hoot to see sullen vampire Bill Compton having to shake a few chupacabras off of his boot while he goes off on some mission to save his true love, Sookie?
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This is it! We’re officially calling it: the “vampire” and “superhero” media trends are forever after over.
I’ve long made my opinion known that while I am, or was, a fan of both fantasy genres, there’s also such a thing as overkill.
Since 2000, an astounding 42 big-budget superhero movies have been released, nine in 2008 alone — this from an industry that only releases 50 or fewer mega-budget movies in any given year.
It’s not just that there are too many superhero movies for the market to sustain; there are too many superhero franchises.
As for vampires, by my count, there have been thirteen vampire TV series just since 2000 — and four (True Blood, The Vampire Diaries, The Gates, and Being Human) are still on the air!
And this doesn’t even include shows like Supernatural that regularly feature vampire characters.
As for the movies, I count 24 major vampire theatrical releases just since 2000 — and literally hundreds more that were made-for-TV or went direct-to-DVD. There are at least 14 vampire movies currently in production.
Now we’re even getting the inevitable wave of parody movies — for vampires, that means Vampires Suck, coming in August, and for superheroes, the (latest) movie-parodies are Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World and Megamind, both coming later this year.
When the parodies come, you know it’s time to stop.
Seriously. The madness must end. For every new vampire or superhero movie or TV show that gets greenlit, that means some other movie or TV show does not — which also means some other newer, fresher genre or story continues to be ignored.
Worse, everything interesting that could possible be said about superheros or vampires has long been said. For example, every possible use of vampires as metaphor has already been done: the power of sexuality (Dracula), homosexuality (Anne Rice), assimilation (True Blood), teenage angst (Buffy), immortality (The Hunger), delinquency (Lost Boys), boring suburbia (Fright Night), teenage love (Twilight), even the Israeli/Palestinian situation (Underworld) and the unsustainable exploitation of the environment (Daybreakers)!
And regarding superheroes, we get it: with great power comes great responsibility — and yeah, we’re all superheroes in our own way, with our “secret” identities.
Either that or superheroes are exactly like us, with all our same flaws, despite the colorful costume and superpowers. Or maybe superheroes are just a metaphor of elitism, either good like in The Incredibles or bad like in Watchmen.
Whatever you’re saying, it’s been said.
Even though the superhero and vampire media trends are now officially at an end (because we say so!), here are a couple of things this doesn’t mean:
It doesn’t mean there will never be another superhero or vampire movie. I wish it did, but there are (a) a number of popular franchises, like Twilight and Iron Man, that are still playing themselves out — quite successfully, I might add, and (b) there will still be the occasional extraordinary superhero or vampire project from time-to-time. Just because westerns have been dead since the 1970s, that didn’t mean Clint Eastwood’s Unforgiven wasn’t a fantastic movie.
And, of course, there will always be the die-hard superhero and vampire fans, people to whom these genres speak on a deeper level, and they will keep the flames of these genres forever flickering in the form of books, graphic novels, and other less expensive media. More power to em!
But our official announcement does mean that vampire and superhero projects will no longer be given the cultural benefit of the doubt. From this point on, they won’t be considered hip and trendy and zeitgeist-y, and won’t automatically be greenlit by TV or movie executives.
No, the pre-existing bias will be that vampires and superheroes are tired and derivative — unless their creators somehow prove differently.
Basically, the All-Vampire-All-the-Time Era (and the All-Superhero-All-the-Time Era) are, thankfully, blessedly, over.
There’s absolutely nothing more to see here, folks, so let’s all move on.
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Q: Now that Andy Whitfield is cancer-free, is there any chance that Starz will cancel the “prequel” Spartacus series and go back to an ordinary second season? — Brett, Brooklyn, NY
A: Probably not. As of June 11th, showrunner Steven DeKnight and his creative staff were well into work on the six-episode “prequel” series.
Keep in mind, however, that Andy Whitfield is scheduled to appear in at least two of those six episodes. (Also keep in mind that the guy just finished treatment for a serious bout with cancer: he needs to train to get back in shape.)
Q: Fantasy sub-genres often seem to have something to do with the times in which they’re popular — e.g. the popularity of “lost world” fiction when Africa was being “explored” in the late 1800s and early 1900s. If this is true, what does the vampire craze really say about today? — Whitney, Buffalo, NY
A: Not what you might think: I think it represents the triumph of feminism.
Hold on! Bear with me a sec. What do I mean?
For eons, men have controlled the arts: they wrote (most of) the books and, more importantly, they literally decided what got published. Even female fantasy characters like Wonder Woman were created by men and told from a mostly male perspective (which is why they so often ended up being male sex fantasies).
With the birth of the feminist movement, which finally broke through to mainstream U.S. culture in the 1960s and 1970s, woman finally had a real voice in the direction of society.
But it’s only been the last few decades that women have had the power and influence to truly change the fantasy genre (even more recent pioneering female fantasy characters like Buffy and Xena were created and written mostly by men).
So what kind of fantasy stories are many female authors writing, and many female readers buying? Yup: vampire fiction, movies, and television. It’s also worth acknowledging the nature of vampires has changed recently as a result of the contributions of these women: vampires are now much more emotional, and much more romantic (and also have better abs).
Why do many women tend to be drawn to vampires? Even much smarter minds than the All-Knowing, Fantasy-Question-Answering Oracle have been impaled by this question, so I won’t even hazard a guess.
But I think the fact that many women are drawn to vampires — and that their interest has created a massive, thriving, influential fantasy genre — is yet more evidence that the feminist movement was, and is, a big, fat success.
Q: What really happens when you put a bag of holding inside a bag of holding? — Marty, Flagstaff, AZ
A: The kind of moment that Dungeon Masters live for!
A bag of holding is, of course, a popular Dungeons & Dragons magic item that is a bag that leads to an inter-dimensional space; you can store up to forty times the weight of the bag inside the bag, and it never gets any heavier.
Truthfully, the current edition of the game allows you to put bags of holding inside each other without effect, so you can store an ever-greater amount of stuff. But in older editions of the game, putting one bag of holding inside the other created a gate to astral dimension, destroying the bags and sucking anything within ten feet through the gate.
Current rules or not, if I were the DM and my players placed bags within each other, something out-of-the-ordinary would definitely occur. I can’t say exactly what, but suffice to say that it would involve giant tentacles!
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Book Expo America, or BEA, is the largest trade book fair in North America, which means that pretty much every single publisher in the U.S. (plus many from overseas) converge on the universally loathed Jacob Javits Convention Center in New York City for one brief, packed week of buzz about books.
Last week, I joined the thousands of footsore book enthusiasts making the long walk from 8th Avenue to the Javitz Center, in search of this fall’s big trends in fantasy literature. Here’s what I discovered:
1. Zombies: They Just Keep Coming Back
Zombies may be much less alluring than vampires (all that rotting flesh is kind of a turn-off), but this fall, they’re poised to take over the world.
In September, Ace Books’ leads off with Dust by Joan Frances Turner, written from the first person perspective of a girl who died nine years ago in a car crash and came back as a zombie. Most zombie novels are told from the perspective of humans fleeing the horde, so this book delivers a twist from the get-go: See what it really feels like to be undead.
Not to be outdone, Orbit launches a series called Living With the Dead by Jesse Petersen. Book 1, Married With Zombies (coming in September), follows a married couple on the verge of divorce whose marriage counselor turns out to be a zombie. The follow-up, Flip This Zombie, comes out in January 2011. According to the catalog copy, “the couple that slays together, stays together.” Cue laugh track.
Building on their success with Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, tiny (and eccentric) publisher Quirk Books will publish Night of the Living Trekkies by Kevin Anderson and Sam Stall in September. The story follows a group of Trekkies, dressed as their favorite characters, at a Star Trek convention that is attacked by a horde of zombies. You know you want to read it.
The young adult market also has zombie fever. In September, look for Zombies Vs. Unicorns (Simon & Schuster) edited by Holly Black and Justine Larbalestier; it’s a collection of short stories about, you guessed it, zombies and unicorns. In October, Jonathan Maberry’s Rot and Ruin (Simon & Schuster) tells the story of a teenager growing up in a zombie-infested America.
2. Steampunk: When Victorian Machines Attack
Another trend in fantasy this fall is steampunk — a growing genre (and subculture) in which Victorian-era machines and technology (you know, steam-powered stuff) intersect with magic. Think Sherlock Holmes (the recent movie starring Robert Downey, Jr.), and add something paranormal: magicians, vampires, etc.
Cherie Priest’s Dreadnought (Tor), the follow-up to her Boneshaker (which featured zombies, by the way), comes out this September. In October, Felix Gilman’s The Half-Made World (Tor) reimagines the American West as a fantasy epic.
And in the YA category, two much-anticipated steampunk adventures await. Cassandra Clare’s The Clockwork Angel, the first in a companion series to her bestselling Mortal Instruments (Simon & Schuster), comes out in August. And Scott Westerfeld’s Behemoth, the sequel to Leviathan, comes out in October.
3. Young Adult: Teens Have All the Fun
As you may have noticed, YA is everywhere in fantasy this season. One of the most interesting things I noticed at BEA was the fact that all the big buzz books were YA — there was a distinct lack of buzz in the adult fantasy genre.
Within the YA category, the biggest fantasy releases are all about angels. I don’t mean sparkly, happy angels with white wings; no, I mean fallen angels. Who become your extremely sexy boyfriend. For example, there’s Torment by Lauren Kate (Random House, Sept. 2010), the sequel to Fallen (fallen angels in reform school). And there’s Crescendo by Becca Fitzpatrick (Simon & Schuster, Nov. 2010), the sequel to her bestelling Hush, Hush (fallen angels in the country). Alexandra Adornetto’s Halo (Feiwel & Friends, Aug. 2010) features a girl angel instead of a boy.
Not into angels? Firelight by Sophie Jordan (HarperTeen, Sept. 2010) is about a girl who can shapeshift into a dragon, and “her dangerous romance with the boy whose family hunts her” (according to the publisher). And then there’s Paranormalcy (HarperTeen, Oct. 2010), about an otherwise normal girl who works for the International Paranormal Containment Agency. Oh yeah; her ex-boyfriend is a fairy and she’s falling in love with a shapeshifter.
Most of the lead YA titles appear to be chasing the popularity of Twilight, but the jury is out on whether angels, even fallen ones, can defeat vampires.
4. High Fantasy: Kind of at a Low Point
Despite the fact that the penultimate novel of Robert Jordan’s monumental Wheel of Time series is coming out this fall — Towers of Midnight by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson (Tor, Oct. 2010) — there was mighty little buzz about traditional high fantasy at this year’s BEA. In fact, during my time on the show floor, I couldn’t even find representatives from two of the major genre publishers, Tor and Del Rey. (Admittedly, everyone agreed that this year BEA was much smaller than in the past, and limited to two days instead of three.)
That said, HBO’s upcoming adaptation of George R. R. Martin’s Game of Thrones may be poised to inject some buzz into the high fantasy genre. And even though publishers weren’t pushing big fantasy epics this fall, their catalogs still contain them — from Tad Williams‘ Shadowheart (Daw, Nov. 2010) to the Black Library’s Warhammer books, which continue to sell epic fantasy mayhem around the world.
5. The Bottom Line: Fantasy is Crossing Genres
For me, the biggest takeaway from BEA regarding fantasy is this: Buzz happens to books that cross genres. Fantasy + Horror = Zombies. Fantasy + History + Early Tech = Steampunk. Fantasy + Romance = Paranormal Romance.
It’s no wonder that YA tends to generate some of the biggest buzz, because YA crosses genres all the time. Like steampunk or paranormal romance, it gives readers who might not otherwise read “fantasy” a number of hooks to grab onto.
What fantasy novels are you looking forward to this year? And can anyone really stop the zombie apocalypse?
Malinda Lo is the author of the Lambda-nominated teen fantasy novel Ash. Visit her website.
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Don’t you just love summer when you are able to find a splashy blockbuster almost every weekend? Summer is big for camping and vacations, but it’s also big for big movies.
Mostly, of course, summer is for the “fun” genres — science fiction, fantasy, horror, and action.
Contrary to popular belief, sci-fi and fantasy are not just about magic or scientific experiments gone bad. Most sci-fi and fantasy movies also have action and romance in them as well. All movies need elements of more than one genre to make it complete. As Shrek says, “Ogres are like onions. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers…”
(Good) movies have layers too — multiple layers of genres, making the movie complete.
Sometimes those layers work … and sometimes they don’t.
Let’s look at the “pros” and “cons” of what are shaping up to be four of the summer’s biggest fantasy movies: Twilight: Eclipse, Toy Story 3, The Last Airbender, and The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.
Twilight will have a lot more action than the second movie (pro!) because the Volturi is coming, along with Victoria and her new clan of fresh vampire blood, and the Cullens need to stop them, with the help of some big, furry friends of Bella’s.
However, Twilight readers already know everything that’s going to happen (con). Does anyone see these movies who hasn’t already read the books? And since rabid fans have already scared the filmmakers from changing anything more than minor plot-points, this may be the first movie in history where the entire audience knows the entire plot before the opening credits.
According to the previews, Dakota Fanning needs to step over to the dark side and really express her sinister ways. This is a “con” because I don’t really find her menacing or evil in any way. Her eyes are just too sweet (although that’s also something of a pro…to me, at least).
“To infinity and beyond!” Buzz Lightyear, Woody, and the gang are — finally! — back in Toy Story 3. Andy, all grown up, is heading off to college — this is what happens when you wait more than ten years to do the sequel. All the old characters are back as are the actors who voice them (pro).
However, Toy Story 3 looks like it just adds more toys for Andy to “pack rat” up into his bedroom. Sometimes less is more. And what happened to Sid? Is he his neighbor still? Is he going to college? Is he a pretty little princess now after what Woody, Buzz, and the gang did to him in Toy Story? His absence is a con — unless, of course, Sid and Zurg at least make a cameo appearance.
The Last Airbender (sweet graphics!) is an M. Night Shyamalan movie. It’s true that Shyamalan’s record is spotty of late, but that just means the stakes are higher for him, and he has more motivation than ever to turn out something decent (pro).
Better still, this is a movie (with sweet graphics) based on a terrific animated TV show (pro!). It deals with magic and manipulation of the four elements of the Earth (sweet graphics!) combined with martial arts.
And did I mention the movie has some sweet graphics? (pro, pro, pro!)
Unfortunately, it looks like the movie is putting the entire first season into two hours. That’s a lot of stuff — and must, therefore, be deemed a “con.”
What of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice? It’s presented by Disney (pro), produced by Jerry Bruckheimer (pro, I guess), directed by Jon Turteltaub (pro), has famous actors like Nicolas Cage and Alfred Molina (pro), includes great storyline (based on the previews and synopsis), offers some great graphics, and has both comedy and action, along with lots of magic (pro!).
What’s the downside? Nicolas Cage has his detractors on this site — I’ll throw a “con” their way, along with another one for that ridiculous long hair he has in this movie. And while producer Bruckheimer has done his share of decent stuff (Pirates of the Caribbean, Armageddon, National Treasure), he’s also overseen loads of crap (Pearl Harbor, G-Force). Definitely a potential “con.”
Buzz Lightyear tells us to, “Reach for the sky!” A more appropriate statement might be, “Reach for your wallet.” Because that’s what we’ll all be doing this summer — I’m right, aren’t I? — regardless of what any article about the pros and cons of these movies might say!
Four Torches (Out of Five)
Pop quiz, fantasy fans! What do Jesus, King Lear, and Edward Cullen have in common?
Answer: Christopher Moore tells their stories better.
The beloved satirist has taken on Jesus with The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal; Shakespeare with Fool; and now he has returned to San Francisco’s vampire scene with his third novel of the undead kind in Bite Me: A Love Story.
Before Bite Me — before Stephanie Meyer was even a twinkle in Little, Brown’s eyes — there was Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story, which Moore followed up with You Suck: A Love Story.
In his new novel, Moore revisits vampire Jody and her aspiring writer boyfriend, Thomas C. Flood (also a vampire). Only this time, the story is told mostly from the point of view of their personal assistant, Abby Normal — a narrative necessity since Abby and her boyfriend have dipped Jody and Thomas in bronze while they were asleep, rather than taking a chance that they would split up and destroy Abby’s romantic delusions about vampire love.
If you haven’t read the first two books, don’t worry — Abby catches readers up on the plot with an energy-drink fueled text message early in the book, and get used to that style of storytelling because OMFG! and WTF! and like, she said this and he was all like that. (If you don’t like Twitter, Abby Normal is going to make your head explode, is what I am saying.)
But Abby is not Bite Me’s sole narrator. In fact, Abby isn’t the novel’s only main character. Moore brings back plenty of old favorites: the Emperor, Bummer, and Lazarus; Rivera and Cavuto; the employees of Asher’s Secondhand Store; and of course Chet, the giant shaved vampire cat, who is up to all kinds of shenanigans on the streets of San Fran.
Abby faces several dilemmas in Bite Me: 1) The further removed a vampire is from the original source of being bitten, the shorter her lifespan. (Third generation vampires can die within a month. This includes Abby’s boyfriend.) 2) Chet really is wreaking havoc on other cats and homeless people. 3) There’s a vampire cleanup crew in route to San Francisco, and they’re planning to take out all witnesses to any vampiric activity. (Read: Every one of Abby’s boyfriends’ co-worker and pals.)
As usual, Moore is water-spittingly hilarious with his over the top irreverence and raunchiness. And also as usual, Moore can flip in a second and tell you something real and raw and authentically emotional. So while Abby Normal is struggling with vampires, she’s also struggling with her own identity. Moore’s ability to seamlessly transition between the absurd and the dramatic are what make him so successful as an author. No matter how many of his novels I read, he always manages to surprise me.
In a seriously played genre, Moore breathes new life into vampires with Bite Me: A Love Story. You can have Jacob and Edward. I’m Team Abby.
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Before Buffy ever picked up her first stake, before Sookie realized she couldn’t read Bill’s mind, before Bella … did whatever it is she does … there was Sam Emerson, who had to deal with his brother’s slow transformation into a vampire.
Sam was played, of course, by Corey Haim, who was a teen heartthrob in the ’80s alongside fellow Corey, Corey Feldman. (The two even starred in a reality show together a few years back titled, naturally, The Two Coreys.)
As with many child stars, the transition to adulthood was difficult to bear, and Corey Haim stopped landing lead roles in films. Sadly, his life ended yesterday at 38 years old.
Needless to say, it’s incredibly sad when anyone passes away decades before their time, and our condolences go out to his friends and family. But seeing as how we are, in fact, a fantasy entertainment website, I believe it’s appropriate to celebrate Corey Haim’s life by reflecting on what was probably his best film, The Lost Boys.
I was only in my single digits in the ’80s, so my knowledge of that decade is mostly archaeological in nature, but I do remember big hair, stretchy clothes, and lots of bright colors. All this and more can be found in The Lost Boys, which is at once a great, kick-ass horror movie, and something of a time capsule.
Boys was ahead of its time in that it was a horror movie that was truly, truly scary, yet also possessed a sly and not-too-subtle sense of humor. Nine years before Scream, the filmmakers managed to strike that perfect balance of frightening and funny.
Corey Haim, who in a Hollywood rarity was playing a teenager when he was actually a teenager himself, is the anchor of the film, and in fact the audience surrogate: he’s the normal guy surrounded by vampires, vampire hunters, and a half-vampire brother.
His performance was, above else, very funny, and to have such a self-aware understanding of comedy at such a young age is a rare thing.
The movie itself has aged particularly well, no easy feat for effects-heavy genres like vampire flicks. It helps that a lot of strong performers round out the rest of the cast, particularly Keifer Sutherland as the terrifying vampire baddie David. In the fourteen years between Lost Boys and 24, Sutherland would make a name for himself playing psychos and criminals, so his turn-around as uber-good guy Jack Bauer was a real surprise.
It’s interesting to note how much the vampire genre has changed since The Lost Boys. These days, the case can be made that it’s a female-dominated field, with the aforementioned Buffy, Sookie, and Bella leading the way in vamp-franchises Buffy the Vampire Slayer, True Blood, and Twilight. In Boys, however, it’s only, well, boys doing the heavy lifting.
But gender politics aside, The Lost Boys remains one of my favorite vampire movies of all time. It’s got a rockin’ soundtrack, a great retro feel (although it didn’t when it came out, obviously), some spectacular aerial vampire fighting, and a promising and precocious star in Corey Haim.
It was a great performance, Mr. Haim. We’ll miss you.
One of the biggest cultural mysteries of our generation is: why would a fully-functioning, adult member of society leave the house wearing a Team Edward t-shirt?
In their new documentary, Explorer: Vampire Forensics, the National Geographic Channel set out to answer that question. Well, not that question, exactly; NatGeo was more concerned with the origin of the vampire, so they employed a little forensic anthropology to a centuries-old myth.
It was sort of Bones meets Anne Rice — an interview with a vampire skeleton, if you will. 
Using Mark Jenkins’ book as a springboard, National Geographic trekked back to the Middle Ages to study the legend of the undead.
The vampire wasn’t always a sparkly, tragic emo hipster with bedhead, of course. Or a leather jacket-wearing, strong-jawed Angel. Or even a caped aristocrat with a widow’s peak and a pale face. That’s all 19th century European romanticism. Jenkins believes he traced the legend of the vampire all the way to the Indo-European past.
China’s centuries-old version the vampire is a monster of the undead who spreads disease and discord. Unfortunately, for him, he’s not much of a fly-er. In fact, his only mode of transportation is hopping.
India’s blood-suckers are spirits who weren’t cremated properly. They can reside in the air and are small enough to accidentally swallow. Unlike tasty insect legs in a bar of chocolate, though, India’s vampire spirits feast on intestines.
Greece — Santorini, specifically — is home to lush tales of the undead. But these vampires didn’t always want to destroy people. Some came back to help out in the family business, or steal vegetables from the garden. (Vegetarian vampires! Just like the Cullens!)
Jenkins thinks the legend of the vampire probably sprang up around the time of various plagues. In the 19th century, Europeans were completely clueless about things like bacteria and hygiene. In the face of pandemics, folk tales usually took over. When people dug up mass graves and saw bloated corpses and compared that to the emaciated bodies of their dying relatives, they just assumed that the undead were somehow absorbing life from the living. Similarly, decomposing clothes and bloodstained mouths were thought to have been defiled by vampires.
Also, when villains were put to death, it was easy for mass hysteria to set in, and for people to think they kept seeing the undead baddie wreaking havoc around town.
As far as flying goes, vampires only really became associated with capes and bats during stage productions. If an actor needed to disappear through a trap door, there was nothing like cape flair to distract the audience. (For further proof of the power of cape distraction, see: Elvis, Adam Lambert.)
Much of NatGeo’s documentary focuses on “The Vampire of Venice,” a partial skeleton of a woman that was discovered in 2006, on the Venetian island Lazaretto Nuovo. The jaw of the skull had been opened and a brick was shoved between her teeth, an exorcism technique Italians used on vampires.
Here’s a clip from Vampire Forensics:
So the origin of the vampire can be traced back to the plagues of the Middle Ages. And the modern vampire can be traced to the plague of the Twilight Saga. Somewhere in between, good people like Bram Stoker and Anne Rice and Joss Whedon made vampires a staple of the fantasy community.
Here’s hoping someone else comes along and puts the smackdown on the sparkle. It’s the modern version of the brick between the teeth.
Vampire Forensics will air various times on National Geographic, including this Saturday at 4 PM.
because they stand above all the ups and downs of humanity. So since the economy sucks, so do the vamps.
Comics. I’m not a huge expert on the characters, but it seems like they set out to grab attention for the series with a polarizing name. There are worse things in the world.
nemesis. Last time he out-geeked Sheldon, this time Sheldon wants revenge. If this doesn’t excite you, please turn in your all of you Magic: The Gathering Cards and proceed to TMZ.com
Harry Potter books. In this case, it’s fairly narrow, concerning mostly elements of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but that’s not stopping the lawyer from talking about going for a billion dollars from the thing.Looking to buy something mentioned in this column (or any other media)? Support TheTorchOnline.com by purchasing it through this link.
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Mention the word “vampire,” and watch eyes roll. It’s no secret we’re in a period of overload when it comes to undead properties, so why anyone would greenlight such a mediocre film as Daybreakers is beyond me.
In a way, though, I suppose it was inevitable. It 
was only a matter of time before someone shook an angry fist to the sky and cried, “No, dammit! Vampires are not sexy! They don’t sparkle, they don’t drip of genteel southern manners, they don’t want to make tender, angsty, emo love to you! They’re not a metaphor for the anguish of the human condition! They just want to freakin’ kill you and drink your blood!”
I’m all for putting a pair of fangs on the current trend of sensitive vampires, but unfortunately, when someone finally did it, they made Daybreakers. It’s a film that offers nothing unique, instead playing as a mash-up of tired, cliche vampire tropes and small pieces of far, far better movies.
So derivative and unoriginal is this film that they even went as far as naming their vampire protagonist Edward, the same name as Robert Pattinson’s romantic lead in the soapy vampire series Twilight. They couldn’t even take the time to come up with a new name? Just look in the phone book.
Edward, played by Ethan Hawke, is a joyless vampire who lives in a future in which most of humanity has been turned into vampires, and living humans are scarce and constantly on the run. He is sullen and morose and feels bad for the humans, a Louis to the rest of the world’s Lestat, an Angel to the rest of the world’s Spike and Drusilla, a … you see where I’m going with this?
The film does have a small success in creating a vision of a total vampire society, and the sight of dozens upon dozens of human beings being harvested for blood is genuinely chilling. Sam Neil is decent as the villain (although he’ll always be the Jurassic Park guy to me) and Willem Dafoe does what he can to entertain as the human-turned-vampire-turned-human gunslinger, Elvis. But not even the Green Goblin can save this dud.
We may not be in a world overrun by vampires, but we are in a world overrun by vampire stories, so the only way to make one stand out is to make it unique. Unfortunately, Daybreakers is as story-by-numbers as you get.
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I’m a tolerant guy. I believe in the mantra “live and let live.” I don’t judge other people for what they do behind closed doors, provided no one is being hurt, everyone is an adult, and everything is consensual.
But I’m taking a stand: I think sex with a dead body is pretty effin’ nasty.
So why are all these fantasy heroines doing it?
Personally, I blame Buffy, that sexed up vampire slayer. The girl had a thang for corpses. Yes, corpses, plural, because she did the deed with not one but two vampires, and all the Buffy the Vampire Layer jokes that can ever be made have already been exhausted.
Psychic redneck Sookie Stackhouse from HBO’s True Blood didn’t just sleep with a vampire — she inhabits a world where many people, male and female, chase the excitement of sex with the undead, and are given the hilarious moniker “fangbangers.” Genius.
And Bella Swan from Twilight? Well … okay, I don’t really know because I’ve never read the books, but I read online that she and Emo King Edward Cullen do eventually make the beast with two backs, despite the entire story being some kind of weird allegory for teen chastity. (Because how else to encourage young girls to guard their virtue by inundating them with sexual images of guys like the one below?)
It’s funny, this new creature that is the sexually active vampire. Vampires have been sensual creatures ever since Bram Stoker penned Dracula, and Anne Rice reinvigorated the idea of erotically appealing vamps with Interview with the Vampire way back in 1973. But Dracula never actually sealed the deal with Mina Harker, and Anne Rice made it clear that these were dead bodies that just happened to be walking around.
Lest you think they work like living bodies, Rice specifies. Never one to shy away from descriptions of bodily functions, she explained that once a person becomes a vampire, their body evacuates itself, and they can never eat (food) again. Furthermore, all their … stuff … stops working, so no sex for Lestat, sexy as he may be.
But then along came Buffy and Angel, and their tragic romance — she was born to kill all vampires, and he got all fangy whenever he got excited. So naturally, who better to lose her virginity to? According to Angel, vampires don’t breathe, even though we see him panting and smoking cigarettes at times. What’s more, we’re informed that his heart isn’t beating. But if … well … doesn’t his heart have to beat, so blood can flow in order to … well, you see where I’m going with this.
In any case, ew.
All the rules of death were thrown at the window for True Blood, because those southern vampires have a lot of sex. With a lot of people. In every conceivable combination. They’re still dead, though, Sookie! Gross!
As for Bella, well, I can tell from the inescapable advertisements for New Moon that she’s involved in a love triangle between vampire Edward and werewolf Jacob, so I guess it’s a toss-up between necrophilia and bestiality. (I say go with the werewolf — at least he’ll keep you warm at night.)
I get the forbidden love, Romeo and Juliet angle that a relationship between a vampire and a human offers.
But ew! Dead bodies!
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