The zombie-light film The Craziescame in third place at the box office with a respectable $16.5 million opening, behind the freak-out thriller Shutter Island and the dumb buddy cop movie Cop Out. I call it zombie-light because the zombies aren’t really undead, precisely. I’m a traditionalist.
Speaking of fake zombies, they evidently have First Amendment rights to protest against the blind materialism of American life by preaching in a mall. At least according to an “activist” judge – we’re sure Rush Limbaugh will pipe up that hating consumerism is un-American.
A dozen years after the first film, Todd McFarlane has a plan for his Spawn 2 film, and the plan is if you want something done right, do it yourself. He’s got most of a script, plans on directing, and possibly financing the film all by his lonesome. Seems fitting for a servant of the underworld.
The very first teaser trailer for Tangled is out. This is supposed to be a slightly, well, tangled retelling of Rapunzel story, complete with magic, towers and princes. The Disney film comes out November 24th, just in time for you to fight the Thanksgiving shopping crowds.
Combining the musical with the fantastic, Andrew Lloyd Weberis set to risk everything on his Phantom of the Opera sequel (he calls it a continuation), Love Never Dies. If you ask me, gambling the legacy of a musical that has grossed more than Titanic and Avatar combined is either a sign of amazing bravery, or proof he’s so rich he doesn’t have to care anymore.
The rumor mill says that DC Entertainment is moving full steam ahead with new films. The latest says they’ve found a director for The Flash – Greg Berlanti, who produces a lot of television including Brothers & Sisters on ABC. What do you think – can switch successfully from a sudser to a super hero? Does knowing he wrote most of Green Lantern help?
In other DC Entertainment rumors, the reason Chris Nolan is consulting on the new Superman movie is that his brother Jonahwants to switch from writing to directing, and DC wouldn’t sign off unless Chris was involved. I don’t know what they’re worried about, at this point Superman couldn’t get any worse, unless they try and make it dark, like The Dark Knight.
In still more collisions of Batman and Superman, that record sale price for a comic book set last week by Action Comic #1 with Superman has been eclipsed byDetective Comics #27, where Batman first appeared. The Caped Crusader fetched $1.075 million.
io9.com takes a rather sarcastic look at Beastly, the new take on Beauty and the Beast starring Alex Pettyfer, Neil Patrick Harris and Vanessa Hudgens.While reimaging a fairy tale as a cross between Mean Girls and Gossip Girl should be a kryptonite for me, something intrigues me about this film, and it can’t just be the thought of Mary-Kate Olsen as a witch. If you don’t want snark, just watch the trailer/featurette.
You know what else seems over-the-top at io9.com? Their look at the Marvel-branded television sets, which are evidently a real thing. When the new Disney division showed Marvel-framed televisions on the Disney-produced Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, I assumed it was a one-off, not a synergy thing. Silly me – Mickey Mouse televisions have been around for years, so it makes sense the House of Mouse would exploit Wolverine.
It’s finally happening – Shout! Factory is releasing the Matt FrewerMax Headroomon DVD this coming August. I haven’t seen it in more than twenty years, and I really can’t imagine it holds up all that well, but I have fond memories of the show.
Over at New Scientistthey have an interview with roboticist Noel Sharkey about Artificial Intelligence, the pros and cons, and the likelihood that we could create it, and whether we should create it. It’s a lot more fun to read than it sounds.
Fueling his likely undying fear that Edward Cullen is a role he will never escape from, Robert Pattinson was trying to do press for his new slacker film Remember Me and they couldn’t resist asking him about Twilight: Breaking Dawn, 3D, and whether the book becomes two movies. I’d honestly feel sorry for the guy, except for him being impossibly rich and handsome.
There’s the coolest Lego spaceship I’ve ever seen over at SciFi Wire, and that’s not just because I always had a soft spot for Stargate: Atlantis. Plus, they link you to the 15-year-old artist’s (what do you call a Lego-sculptor?) Flickr site for even more of his starship constructions.
Over at AfterElton.com, I took a only-slightly queer look at Alice In Wonderland, but mostly that was an excuse to post a mountain of media about the movie. There are trailers, interviews, and my favorite – the character progressions showing how they got the Red Queen’s head to look that big or the motion capture on the Tweedles. It’s really fascinating how much of this movie is CGI.
Looking to help Legend of the Seeker get a third season? The folks over at HerBlueEyes.com (a Bridget Regan fan site) offerhelpful suggestions, and even a sample letter to be sent to local affiliates!
And finally, this picture may be old, but it tugged at my heart strings. Evoking the signpost from M*A*S*H, we see distances to all our favorite fantasy realms. I wish I knew who created this so I could thank them.
One of the biggest cultural mysteries of our generation is: why would a fully-functioning, adult member of society leave the house wearing a Team Edward t-shirt?
In their new documentary, Explorer: Vampire Forensics, the National Geographic Channel set out to answer that question. Well, not that question, exactly; NatGeo was more concerned with the origin of the vampire, so they employed a little forensic anthropology to a centuries-old myth.
It was sort of Bones meets Anne Rice — an interview with a vampire skeleton, if you will.
Using Mark Jenkins’ book as a springboard, National Geographic trekked back to the Middle Ages to study the legend of the undead.
The vampire wasn’t always a sparkly, tragic emo hipster with bedhead, of course. Or a leather jacket-wearing, strong-jawed Angel. Or even a caped aristocrat with a widow’s peak and a pale face. That’s all 19th century European romanticism. Jenkins believes he traced the legend of the vampire all the way to the Indo-European past.
China’s centuries-old version the vampire is a monster of the undead who spreads disease and discord. Unfortunately, for him, he’s not much of a fly-er. In fact, his only mode of transportation is hopping.
India’s blood-suckers are spirits who weren’t cremated properly. They can reside in the air and are small enough to accidentally swallow. Unlike tasty insect legs in a bar of chocolate, though, India’s vampire spirits feast on intestines.
Greece — Santorini, specifically — is home to lush tales of the undead. But these vampires didn’t always want to destroy people. Some came back to help out in the family business, or steal vegetables from the garden. (Vegetarian vampires! Just like the Cullens!)
Jenkins thinks the legend of the vampire probably sprang up around the time of various plagues. In the 19th century, Europeans were completely clueless about things like bacteria and hygiene. In the face of pandemics, folk tales usually took over. When people dug up mass graves and saw bloated corpses and compared that to the emaciated bodies of their dying relatives, they just assumed that the undead were somehow absorbing life from the living. Similarly, decomposing clothes and bloodstained mouths were thought to have been defiled by vampires.
Also, when villains were put to death, it was easy for mass hysteria to set in, and for people to think they kept seeing the undead baddie wreaking havoc around town.
As far as flying goes, vampires only really became associated with capes and bats during stage productions. If an actor needed to disappear through a trap door, there was nothing like cape flair to distract the audience. (For further proof of the power of cape distraction, see: Elvis, Adam Lambert.)
Much of NatGeo’s documentary focuses on “The Vampire of Venice,” a partial skeleton of a woman that was discovered in 2006, on the Venetian island Lazaretto Nuovo. The jaw of the skull had been opened and a brick was shoved between her teeth, an exorcism technique Italians used on vampires.
Here’s a clip from Vampire Forensics:
So the origin of the vampire can be traced back to the plagues of the Middle Ages. And the modern vampire can be traced to the plague of the Twilight Saga. Somewhere in between, good people like Bram Stoker and Anne Rice and Joss Whedonmade vampires a staple of the fantasy community.
Here’s hoping someone else comes along and puts the smackdown on the sparkle. It’s the modern version of the brick between the teeth.
Vampire Forensics will air various times on National Geographic, including this Saturday at 4 PM.
Best of both worlds? The Spider-man team met with the Avatar team to discuss filming the next episode of the webslinger saga in 3-D.
Speaking of Avatar, here’s a fun little story about how the power of love changed the ending of one particular screening of the movie on Valentine’s Day.
And in case this just wasn’t enough Avatar news for you blue-cat-monkey-people lovers, James Cameron is planning to write a prequel to the blockbuster … in the form of a novel.
In the never-ending avalanche of both remakes and franchises, this article speaks of the efforts to turn Dean Koontz’s Frankensteinnovels into a series of films. Anyone excited about this? Hands?
I know everyone out there is just dying for more vampire stories, something our culture is almost completely deprived of, so thank the powers that be that The Vampire Diaries has been picked up for another season. The article is informative, but I found calling the CW the “C-Dub” and the show’s performance its “perf” to be just on this side of obnoxious.
And while we’re on the subject of vampires (don’t you love these segues?), here’s another potential 3-D story for you. Turns out that the masterminds behind the Twilight saga are trying to figure out if they want to project Taylor Lautner’s glorious six-pack abs into the third dimension.
What’s that, you say? Can’t get enough of Megan Fox’s bust? Well, neither can a lot of people, but fortunately, you can soon own it when these busts are released as a tie-in to the Jonah Hex movie. Horndogs everywhere, you’re welcome.
I’ll just own this: Lord of the Rings is my favorite fantasy story of all time, and I own all the various incarnations of DVD’s, including the pretty craptastic Ralph Bakshi cartoon. LOTR was the book/movie/video game series that made me a fantasy fanboy, and it will always have a special place in my heart. Therefore, I get majorly psyched when someone with the same love in their hearts busts out the elbow grease and makes a fan film such as Born of Hope. May I suggest a trip to their website? The trailer is below:
Twilight fans will be mobbing Walmart stores March 20th, and not just because it’s the release of Twilight: New Moon. MTV is reporting that the Walmart Special Edition DVD will have seven minutes ofbehind the scenes footage and a clip from the upcoming Twilight: Eclipse film. Sorry, Amazon.com shoppers, this looks exclusive.
The International Toy Fair has been going on in New York City all weekend, and besides the Disney Toy Story 3 merchandise, Iron Man 2 and Star Wars seem to dominate the floor. io9.com has a great gallery of the toys, but can somebody explain the concept of the Iron Man 2 Mr. Potato Head? Tangentially related: Twitter tells me that the Barbie folks will be putting out a Collector’s edition Mad Hatter doll for Alice in Wonderland, but no Alice doll.
Young Adult fantasy author Carrie Ryan did an essay about how through her books, her own mother discovered a love of fantasy stories, and puts forward a rather bold theory that YA fiction is all fantasy. I see her point, but also feel it’s limiting what is one of the most vibrant genres in literature.
This find I have to credit to io9.com, but the Canadian short film Lost for Wordshas released a trailer. There really isn’t a summary of the film, but the Sean Wainsteim, the writer/director describes it as an homage to the time he spent in the library as a youth. Visually stunning in this short trailer, it has all sorts of fantastic creatures. Just watch:
Alien Invasion Week on British channel Watch brings us a brand newTorchwoodweb comic to commemorate their showing of Torchwood: Children of Earth.
Legend of the Seeker has a lot more story to tell, and they need your help so that they get the chance to do it. Money is tight for syndication deals right now, and they have instructions on how you can help lobby to get them a third season to tell Richard and Kahlan’s tale.
Chase Palmerhas been hired to work on the Dune script for new director Pierre Morel and Paramount. His credits include Wild Wild East, Number Thirteen, and No Blood, No Guts, No Glory. Maybe now we can finally get some Bene Gesserit creepiness in our lives.
Universal has signedVin Diesel up for Riddick, the third installment of The Chronicles of Riddick. No word on plot, but it’s been hinted that it will resemble Pitch Black more than it will the second film.
reddit has pictures of a tiny Indonesian lizard that’s been found that has wings. And isn’t a lizard with wings basically a dragon by definition? Do we really need the fire breathing and destruction of castles? As tiny as these guys are, they might be able to menace the Smurf Village.
If you’ve been watching the Winter Olympics, you’ve no doubt seen the special, Olympic-themed spots for How To Train Your Dragon, the new Dreamworks 3D animated feature about dragons and Vikings. This isn’t one of them, so you might actually get something about the plot from it, which I thought was the point of a trailer.
Also from the Olympics, some people are calling the Opening Ceremony “Tron on Ice” which is one of those things that once you’ve seen, you can’t un-see. Besides, since Tronis a Disney property, I’m really scared it might have given them an idea.
Starting with Fantastic Four #579, the story will start to synch upAvengers with the Heroic Age comics. Details are a little sparse, but the gist seems to be Reed Richards beginning to understand his mortality and limitations and start planning for a future for his children when he’s passed on.
Artist Francesco Francavilla has a weird idea that Batmanshould fight ducks in the comics, and wants you to help convinces DC Comics to do it. If you do nothing else from the column, indulge me and click over to his concept art for the cover and see if it’s not both disturbing and giggle-worthy.
Stan Lee is tweeting that Edgar Wrightmight be making an Ant Man movie. It’s been talked about for years, and with Disney needing to start new franchises to justify their billions spent on Marvel, it may finally be moving forward.
Indulge my love for all things Pixar with a little love for Toy Story 3, OK? Anything where toys come to life is a little bit of fantasy, right? Tons of info has been coming from from new characters of Mr. Lots ‘O Huggin’ Bear (Ned Beatty) to Toy Fair leaks of characters called Stretch, Rag Doll, and Buttercup. See if you can spot them in the new trailer.
Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thiefmanaged a three day take of $31.1 million for a second place finish at the box office behind the celebrity studded Valentine’s Day, but expect the “weekend” numbers to jump after Monday’s holiday. I haven’t seen it myself, but I loved Allan Hyde’s (Godric, True Blood) Twitter review: “Did Percy the lightning thief just steal my money and two hours of my life?”
The end of the year means one thing for magazines: lists. Lists of bests. Lists of worsts. Lists of tops. Lists of bottoms. Lists of lists. Publisher’s Weekly caused an uproar when they released their list of Top 100 books for 2009. Only 29 female authors made the cut, and none of them cracked the top ten.
As I was reading both (valid) arguments that women get the shaft in publishing circles, I couldn’t help but compare the experiences of those women to the experiences of women in the fantasy genre. Sure, fantasy is full of epic male authors: Tolkien, Lewis, Jordan, Gaimen, Pratchett, Dahl. But fantasy also has its share of celebrated (and well-paid) female writers: Kurtz, Rice, Rowling, Weis, Bradley.
Is the fantasy genre simply more friendly to female writers?
I think so.
But why?
Let’s start by looking at the biggest bang (and bank account): J.K. Rowling.
By now, her personal journey is as well-known as that of of The Boy Who Lived. For example, that “K” in “J.K.” is not even her real name. When Bloomsbury bought Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, they feared that young boys wouldn’t want to read a fantasy tale by Joanne Rowling, so she adopted an androgynous “K.”
By the time Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire hit shelves, Rowling was the highest-profile author in the world, and everyone knew the “K” was for Kathleen. It didn’t matter that J.K. Rowling was a woman; what mattered was that she hurry back to her office and start writing about Hogwarts, Year Five.
Rowling also did another thing for female writers in the fantasy genre: she blurred the lines between children’s fiction and adult fiction. Women have always been trusted with cooking, cleaning and kids; so, the children’s publishing industry has historically been more accessible to females. During Harry Potter’s off-years, many adults went digging around in the children’s sections at their local bookstores, looking for an equally entrancing fantasy fix. And publishers paid attention.
But Rowling wasn’t the first woman to enjoy monetary success and critical praise for her fantasy writing. Before her, there were vampires — and three women who, er, brought them to life.
Marilyn Ross‘ Barnabas Collins series, Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles and Chelsea Quinn Yarbro’s Saint-German series changed the vampire genre. Under their pens, vampires became brooding, tragic, poetic heroes. And unlike the implicit sexual themes in vampire stories before theirs, Ross, Rice and Yarbro made it overt.
What they did for vampires, Marion Zimmer Bradley did for Arthurian Legend. Her Avalon series boldly turned Camelot on its head and examined it from the perspective of female narrators.
And what Bradley did for Arthurian Legend, Katherine Kurtz did for Medieval fantasy lit. And what Kurtz did for Medieval fantasy lit, Tanith Lee did for sorcery.
I think fantasy is more receptive to women writers because it has a long, proud history of financially successful female authors in nearly every subset of the genre. While most writers will tell you they want to bring fresh, engaging concepts to print, they will also tell you that it is much easier to get published if there’s a record of success with what you’re writing. To that end, it would be disingenuous to tell a female fantasy author that men won’t read her books simply because she is a woman.
Of course, financial success and excitement from publishers isn’t synonymous with critical acclaim. Even with the accomplishments of the women I mentioned — and the dozens I didn’t — last year’s Hugo Awards were awfully slim on female nominees. But I’m still not going to cry sexism.
If you want to be a great fantasy writer, they key isn’t writing like a man; the key is writing rich, textured, deeply-imagined stories. As women continue to do just that, it will only be a matter of time before full parity comes to the genre.
Or you could take a shot at writing your main characters sparkly genitalia.
Stephanie Meyer isn’t exactly celebrated, but she certainly hasn’t gone broke writing about vampires.
Okay, okay, these aren’t they only ways female heroes are presented in fantasy books and movies.
Just much of the time, especially in the decades before this one. Fantasy isn’t known for character nuance, but it’s especially true for its female characters. Their personalities have traditionally screamed one of these three things.
Let’s look at each in turn, and I’ll grade them on my patented “Goldilocks” scale.
The Needy
There have traditionally been plenty of needy females in fantasy — what is a “damsel in distress,” after all, except a needy female? And while that character type seemed to have fallen out of favor in 1960s, she’s back in full retro force in the form of Bella from Twilight. She’s a weak, dependent girl who exists almost solely to pine for the vampire Edward Cullen. For good measure, there’s also her clingy relationship with the shape-shifter Jacob Black.
Depressingly, angst-hungry teens have hyped these sloppily-written books and movies, turning them into a sensation. Plot wise, they’re a series of scenes that simply ask, again and again: “Should we be together? Maybe we shouldn’t be together!” The drama and fuss Bella makes more than outweighs any chemistry between her and Edward.
For me, the “needy” leading lady is an outdated female stereotype and simply doesn’t cut it in 2010.
Goldilocks Rating: Put this one into deep-freeze.
The Nuisance
What’s the opposite of Bella? Well, she’s the strong-willing, bossy control freak with “masculine” energy who yaps like a terrier whenever someone does something wrong. She is a perfectionist, a leader, a fighter, and every now and then, a bit of a brat.
Basically, she’s Hermione Granger. But she’s also basically every fantasy princess ever: Princess Buttercup in The Princess Bride, Princess Fiona in Shrek, and Princess Eilowny in The Chronicles of Prydain. You might even say she’s Goldilocks herself, who is pickiness personified.
The Nuisance has her place in stories — especially since her willfulness is usually there to provide dramatic conflict with the lead male character, who is often secretly in love with her (and vice-versa).
But let’s face it: this is simply another female stereotype, and it’s often far too one-dimensional.
Goldilocks Rating: Too hot-headed
The Nice
Which brings us to our last category. She’s the classic female in fantasies and adventures, whether it’s games, books, or movies. The Prince of Persia fought alongside her in The Sands of Time, she took a trip to see the Wizard of Oz, she’s the princess who saved Galen in Dragonslayer, and she created the land of Terabithia. For the most part, she’s neither out there stepping on toes nor lying down to be walked over like a doormat.
But she is also usually a selfless, sacrificing saint.
And who’s more selfless than Arwen Evenstar in The Lord of the Rings? She’s willing to give up her very mortality to be with the man she loves!
Goldilocks Rating:Better, but still not quite right.
Looking at these three fantasy heroine types, the question must be asked: why must females still be so one-dimensional? The “real” female is, of course, nice, needy, and a nuisance — at different times.
And sometimes, she is none of these things.
The most likable and memorable characters in fantasy lately — Buffy, Willow, Xena, Gabrielle, Selene, and even Hermione, for the most part — are sometimes “stereotypical” females, but at other times, they shatter these stereotypes completely.
The point is, they’re not always the same. They’re complicated.
Most of all, the one thing they have in common is that they’re more than just the “love interest.” They’re the leading actors in their own stories, sometimes flawed, sometime heroic, just like male characters always have been.
Goldilocks herself would surely agree that these are the sorts of female characters that are “just right.”
Last week I pointed out the rather disgusting sexual appetites of certain fantasy heroines, namely Buffy Summers, Sookie Stackhouse, and Bella Swan.
But when you take a second look at these vampire/human couples, there’s another disturbing trend: an age gap.
Specifically, an age gap that in some cases spans several centuries.
And these are couples that in some cases involve a teenage girl. So why are we okay with this?
(Bill Compton of True Blood, you get a pass this week. Sure, you’re scandalously older than you’re girlfriend Sookie — you were in the Civil War, after all — but at least Sookie’s an adult.)
Let’s start with you, Edward Cullen, with your big dreamy eyes and your dirty, dirty hair. Sure, you may have that young, boy-next-door, Cedric Diggory-kind of appeal, but lurking behind that underdeveloped chest is the cold, dead heart of an old geezer. Does anyone else think it’s insanely creepy that an old man just keeps going back to high school?
It reminds me of that moment in Dazed and Confused when Matthew McConaughey says, “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” That was unsettling to hear from him, and he was a hot dude in his 20s!
And then you not only go after this girl, you fill her head with nonsense about how all you want to do is kill her, but you’re such a gentleman that you’ll behave and let her live. And somehow you get her to love you for it!
Do they not have Megan’s Law in Forks, Washington?
But of course, that’s merely Twilight, which came well after the couple that started it all: Buffy and Angel. Before they got all freaky with each other, it was relatively unheard of for humans to sleep with vampires. What did you unleash, Joss Whedon?
He was 247. She was 16. He kept telling her how much he loved her, and waited, patiently, until finally having sex with her on the night of her 17th birthday. You got that? He slept with her the moment she became legal. That’s just as creepy as all of those websites counting down to the day the Olsen twins turned 17.
And sure, she was technically legal when she started having crazy house-shattering sex with the punky Spike, but he was still over the hundred year mark, while she was a mere 21. And furthermore, he had been in her life since she was 16 — albeit as a mortal enemy — so he had known her in the context of being a child. What’s the deal, William the Bloody?
Aside from the fact that these are beautiful girls, one has to wonder just what someone who’s been alive that long would really have to talk about with a 16-year-old girl. Here’s a sample conversation:
Vampire: Hey, you.
Girl: Hey, you. You know what I was just thinking about? The ’90s. Man, the ’90s were kick-ass.
Vampire: The ’90s? Oh, please. They had nothing on the Roaring ’20s. Man, those days were the tops.
Girl: The top of what?
Vampire: No, the tops. The cat’s meow.
Girl: You have a cat? Aw, I love cats!
Vampire: Why don’t you listen to your i-Plod?
Girl: iPod.
Vampire: I miss speakeasies.
Yeah, not a lot in common. And yet in story after emo story, we see girls getting suckered in by these debonair vamps (and interestingly, almost never do we see these stories with the genders reversed).
So let this be a cautionary tale to concerned parents out there: if you see your daughter hanging around a boy with pale skin, an anguished expression, and an unusually vast knowledge of antiquated colloquialisms, get those crucifixes and garlic ready pronto. You’ll thank me when you don’t have any unexpected grandchildren with fangs.
Back again for another highly opinionated — some might even say downright cranky — look at the week in fantasy. You’ve been warned!
HEY, I WENT TO FORKS, WASHINGTON!
My Thanksgiving plans last week involved my going to a lodge on the Olympic Peninsula in Washington state. On the way home, we drove through Forks, the setting for the Twilightbooks.
Mind you, I’m not a fan of the books — I think the writing is pedestrian and Bella is infuriatingly passive — and I had no interest in seeing locations from series. But I am mildly intrigued by the insanity of the Twilight phenomenon, and I confess to being curious as to how the town has reinvented itself in its wake.
And sure enough, they’ve done just that, with downtown Twilight shops and tour buses that take visitors to places like, well, Forks High School and the community hospital (where “Dr. Cullen” has a parking spot).
But here’s the weird thing: the Forks of the books isn’t really the real Forks. As I understand it, Stephanie Meyer had never even visited when she wrote the first book — she’d just tried to find the most overcast place in the U.S. (which Forks may be, being so close to a temperate rain forest), where vampires might live. And, of course, the movies weren’t shot here.
So what exactly are people coming to see? A couple of gas stations and a few run-down buildings?
Incredibly, tourists actually take photographs of the nondescript high school!
Still, I know how these things work: visiting a location like Forks because you love Twilight isn’t really about Forks at all. It’s about having a shared “experience” with your friends where you bond together over this book and/or movie that speaks to you. You can’t have a “road trip” without some kind of destination, right?
I get it, and (with different books and movies) I’ve done it.
And besides, I’ve been to Forks many times before, and in years previous, it was a sad, pathetic timber town, slowly dying as a result of the fact that they’d already cut down 95% of its surrounding “old growth” forests — and were angrily lashing out at environmentalists for suggesting that, hey, maybe we shouldn’t cut that last 5%.
As for me, I couldn’t be happier that this forgotten, nondescript town has another reason to go on living.
IT’S UNMITIGATED GREED, I TELL YA! (EXCEPT WHEN THEY DO IT WITH SOMETHING I LIKE)
Speaking of Twilight, this week it was reported that Breaking Dawn, the next Twilight book, will (probably) be split into two movies, just like Harry Potterand theDeathly Hallows. (The good news for the author and cast members is that they all get to renegotiate their salaries for the 5th film in the series.)
At first, I was all, “Pu-leeeze! This is just plain greed!”
Then, of course, I remembered how excited I was that they’re splitting The Hobbit into two movies (with additional material from The Silmarilian! Score!).
When you love something, you want to see more of it. Duh. And no one’s forcing anyone to go to any of these movies, right?
DenofGeek.com has some interesting suggestions for prolonging both the Harry Potter and Twilight franchises even more. This one made me laugh:
HARRY vs EDWARD
When you’re shit out of options, you need to do the cinematic mash-up. And honestly? This is the one we’re dying to see. It follows the path set by Nightmare On Elm Street, Friday The 13th, Alien and Predator, in that if your franchise is struggling by itself, bang two together and the film will sell itself.
The best bit of this scam is that the film itself can be shit, and you don’t have to kill anyone off, no matter what you promised in the marketing for it. Thus, we’re left with a bare fist fight between Daniel Radcliffe’s Harry (complete with Ron adding in an “oh, bloody hell” from time to time), and Robert Pattinson’s Edward Cullen. Beautifully, the script can keep them apart for 80% of the film with nonsensical shit, too, and end with the characters exactly the same in every sense.
OH, LORD, THE LOST SYMBOL IS A BAD BOOK
What have I been reading lately? Well, I finally finishedthe latest Dan Brown book, The Lost Symbol. I should say up front that I really liked The Da Vinci Code (despite all the scoffing in some literary circles by folks who wouldn’t know a “plot” if they fell into it in a graveyard). And I liked Angels & Demons even more, with Brown’s clever and seamless incorporation of real-life locations and history into his story.
But I thought The Lost Symbol flat-out stank. I mean, really, really bad. It’s not just the sometimes-clunky prose — the writing itself has never been Brown’s genius. But the central story was a dud. Freemasons? First, we’ve “been there, done that,” but even if we hadn’t, it simply pales next to the Illuminati and intrigue at the Vatican, or a centuries-old conspiracy to suppress women and hide the lineage of Christ.
But it was mostly the execution that had me rolling my eyes. The two big plot twists, one involving the identity of central villain and another involving a secret pyramid hidden in Washington, D.C., were so incredibly obvious I had a hard time believing they were supposed to be twists. And the big “reveal” about the source of the lost symbol’s power? Oh, Lord, what an outrageous cheat!
The book was so bad that it even had me rethinking my opinion of Brown’s other two books. Did I read into them? Did he have a great editor or a ghostwriter?
To be fair, Brown’s first two books Deception Point and Digital Fortress, were pretty bad too, but not nearly as bad as The Lost Symbol.
THE IDIOT BOX
New episodes tonight ofGhost Whisperer (8 PM, CBS), Medium (9 PM, CBS), and Stargate: Universe (9 PM, SyFy).
This weekend sees the second half of the third season finale of Robin Hood (Saturday, 9 PM, BBCA) and a new episode of Legend of the Seeker (syndicated, check local listings):
Sunday and Monday brings the SyFy miniseries Alice (a “re-imagining” of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, with Tim Curry and Kathy Bates) from the same people who brought you the Oz retelling Tin Man (which I didn’t like) (Sunday and Monday nights, 9 PM, SyFy):
On Thursday, also look for a new episode of Fringe(9 PM, Fox), but no new episodes of The Vampire Diaries or Supernatural until January.
THE BOX OFFICE
I think we can all agree that the vampire genre is very, very ripe for a parody right now. But the studio has not madeTransylmania, which opens today, available for any press screenings. Which means that it’s certain to be terrible. Could it possibly end up getting worse reviews than Meet the Spartans, the 300 parody that ended with a 2% “Fresh” on RottenTomatoes.com? I’d say it’s a definitely possibility. Proceed with extreme caution.
Well, this week’s flame has sputtered out, but join me again next week when I promise I won’t be nearly so cranky.
Say what you will about the Twilight franchise — and there’s a lot you can say — one of the positives of the series is its prominent Native American characters, including a romantic lead.
And since you can’t turn on a television or computer without being bombarded by advertisements for New Moon, it got me thinking about the general lack of representation that exists for native people in mainstream entertainment, and fantasy doesn’t fare much better.
This isn’t to say that they don’t exist, however, and when I think back on all the various fantasy stories I’ve absorbed in my lifetime, there are actually some pretty fascinating characters…
7. Warpath
When the X-men recruited new members for the first time since their humble beginning, one of the new class was an Apache mutant named Thunderbird, who was very quickly killed off. Years later, his younger brother, also a mutant, took the name Warpath, and adopted a costume similar to his brother’s. Though he initially blamed the X-men for Thunderbird’s death, he later realized they were not at fault, and joined the heroic team X-Force.
6. Elisa Maza
In the 90s, Disney came out withGargoyles, a surprisingly dark and interesting cartoon series which featured a group of stone-by-day, flesh-by-night creatures who were connected to the human world by their best friend, a policewoman named Elisa Maza. What was impressive about her character was that she was a good person and a strong, intelligent cop, who just happened to be a woman, and half-African-American, half-Hopi to boot. This is the kind of diversity we need to see more of in children’s programming.
5. Danielle Moonstar
The second X-man on the list (which is a series that scores high points in diversity), Moonstar was a young girl of Cheyenne heritage when she was first brought into the X-men’s junior team, the New Mutants. Her main power was the ability to project images of people’s worst fears into their head, and she also had an empathic rapport with animals. Later on, she honed her psychic powers to be able to generate bursts of psionic force.
4. Little Bear
One of my absolute favorite books as a child was The Indian in the Cupboard, which is perhaps the story most responsible for imbuing me with a lifelong love of fantasy. For anyone who never read it, you’re truly missing out on a phenomenal tale of a young English boy named Omri who is gifted a magical cupboard that makes his toys come alive, and the relationship he forms with the proud Iroquois, Little Bear, who comes out of the cupboard standing six inches tall. Little Bear is actually a very real man who was transported from his own time by the magic of the cupboard, and he teaches Omri many things, among them how to respect those who are different from you. (There’s a movie version, but I don’t recommend it.)
3. Pocahontas
Though the fantastical Disney tale differs wildly from the actual history — talking trees aside, Pocahontas was a child when John Smith arrived, instead of a full-grown hottie with a figure Barbie would envy — Disney’s Pocahontas is a relatively decent entry in its animated musical repertoire. It tells the story from both sides’ points of view, and in Pocahontas we’re given yet another young, independent, headstrong female lead, as is the Disney staple. (It’s a shame the best song from the score, entitled “If I Never Knew You,” was cut from the final version of the film. You can, fortunately, find it on Youtube.)
2. Mani
An often overlooked gem, Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le Pacte des loupes) is a pretty cool film from our buddies in France, featuring a French taxidermist and his companion, an Iroquois warrior named Mani played by Mark Dacascos, who kicks a whole lot of ass throughout the film. What’s nice to see is that Mani, an outsider for not only not being a Frenchman but a Native American as well, is one of the most likable (and badass) characters in the film.
1. Jacob Black
All right, we knew this was inevitable. Love it or hate it, the Twilight series does boast not one but several Native American characters (belonging to the Quileute tribe), and the fact that Jacob Black is a romantic, heroic lead is nice to see in a genre picture such as this one. Now if only we could do something about those screaming tween girls.
So, as we can see, while there is some representation of Native American characters, the fact remains that across the media of television, film, and books, stories are still shamefully lacking. In fact, I think one would be hard-pressed to find many more examples of decent, 3-dimensional Native Americans in fiction in general, and that is, quite frankly, a travesty.
Maybe, in the end, that will be Twilight’s legacy: helping to bring Native American characters into the spotlight, and setting a trend for future writers to follow. One can only hope.
I’m a tolerant guy. I believe in the mantra “live and let live.” I don’t judge other people for what they do behind closed doors, provided no one is being hurt, everyone is an adult, and everything is consensual.
But I’m taking a stand: I think sex with a dead body is pretty effin’ nasty.
So why are all these fantasy heroines doing it?
Personally, I blame Buffy, that sexed up vampire slayer. The girl had a thang for corpses. Yes, corpses, plural, because she did the deed with not one but two vampires, and all the Buffy the Vampire Layer jokes that can ever be made have already been exhausted.
Psychic redneck Sookie Stackhouse from HBO’s True Blood didn’t just sleep with a vampire — she inhabits a world where many people, male and female, chase the excitement of sex with the undead, and are given the hilarious moniker “fangbangers.” Genius.
And Bella Swan from Twilight? Well … okay, I don’t really know because I’ve never read the books, but I read online that she and Emo King Edward Cullen do eventually make the beast with two backs, despite the entire story being some kind of weird allegory for teen chastity. (Because how else to encourage young girls to guard their virtue by inundating them with sexual images of guys like the one below?)
It’s funny, this new creature that is the sexually active vampire. Vampires have been sensual creatures ever since Bram Stoker penned Dracula, and Anne Rice reinvigorated the idea of erotically appealing vamps with Interview with the Vampire way back in 1973. But Dracula never actually sealed the deal with Mina Harker, and Anne Rice made it clear that these were dead bodies that just happened to be walking around.
Lest you think they work like living bodies, Rice specifies. Never one to shy away from descriptions of bodily functions, she explained that once a person becomes a vampire, their body evacuates itself, and they can never eat (food) again. Furthermore, all their … stuff … stops working, so no sex for Lestat, sexy as he may be.
But then along came Buffy and Angel, and their tragic romance — she was born to kill all vampires, and he got all fangy whenever he got excited. So naturally, who better to lose her virginity to? According to Angel, vampires don’t breathe, even though we see him panting and smoking cigarettes at times. What’s more, we’re informed that his heart isn’t beating. But if … well … doesn’t his heart have to beat, so blood can flow in order to … well, you see where I’m going with this.
In any case, ew.
All the rules of death were thrown at the window for True Blood, because those southern vampires have a lot of sex. With a lot of people. In every conceivable combination. They’re still dead, though, Sookie! Gross!
As for Bella, well, I can tell from the inescapable advertisements for New Moon that she’s involved in a love triangle between vampire Edward and werewolf Jacob, so I guess it’s a toss-up between necrophilia and bestiality. (I say go with the werewolf — at least he’ll keep you warm at night.)
I get the forbidden love, Romeo and Juliet angle that a relationship between a vampire and a human offers.
the dumb buddy cop movie Cop Out. I call it zombie-light because the zombies aren’t really undead, precisely. I’m a traditionalist.
on DVD this coming August. I haven’t seen it in more than twenty years, and I really can’t imagine it holds up all that well, but I have fond memories of the show.
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I know everyone out there is just dying for more vampire stories, something our culture is almost completely deprived of, so thank the powers that be that The Vampire Diaries has been picked up for another season. 
besides the Disney Toy Story 3 merchandise, Iron Man 2 and Star Wars seem to dominate the floor. io9.com 
isn’t a lizard with wings basically a dragon by definition? Do we really need the fire breathing and destruction of castles? As tiny as these guys are, they might be able to menace the Smurf Village.
But Rowling wasn’t the first woman to enjoy monetary success and critical praise for her fantasy writing. Before her, there were vampires — and three women who, er, brought them to life.
There have traditionally been plenty of needy females in fantasy — what is a “damsel in distress,” after all, except a needy female? And while that character type seemed to have fallen out of favor in 1960s, she’s back in full retro force in the form of Bella from Twilight. She’s a weak, dependent girl who exists almost solely to pine for the vampire Edward Cullen. For good measure, there’s also her clingy relationship with the shape-shifter Jacob Black.
What’s the opposite of Bella? Well, she’s the strong-willing, bossy control freak with “masculine” energy who yaps like a terrier whenever someone does something wrong. She is a perfectionist, a leader, a fighter, and every now and then, a bit of a brat.
Which brings us to our last category. She’s the classic female in fantasies and adventures, whether it’s games, books, or movies. The Prince of Persia fought alongside her in The Sands of Time, she took a trip to see the Wizard of Oz, she’s the princess who saved Galen in Dragonslayer, and she created the land of Terabithia. For the most part, she’s neither out there stepping on toes nor lying down to be walked over like a doormat.
Last week I pointed out the rather 
It reminds me of that moment in Dazed and Confused when Matthew McConaughey says, “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” That was unsettling to hear from him, and he was a hot dude in his 20s!
He was 247. She was 16. He kept telling her how much he loved her, and waited, patiently, until finally having sex with her on the night of her 17th birthday. You got that? He slept with her the moment she became legal. That’s just as creepy as all of those websites counting down to the day the Olsen twins turned 17.
Back again for another highly opinionated — some might even say downright cranky — look at the week in fantasy. You’ve been warned!
And sure enough, they’ve done just that, with downtown Twilight shops and tour buses that take visitors to places like, well, Forks High School and the community hospital (where “Dr. Cullen” has a parking spot).
What have I been reading lately? Well, I finally finished the latest Dan Brown book, The Lost Symbol. I should say up front that I really liked The Da Vinci Code (despite all the scoffing in some literary circles by folks who wouldn’t know a “plot” if they fell into it in a graveyard). And I liked Angels & Demons even more, with Brown’s clever and seamless incorporation of real-life locations and history into his story.
In any case, ew.