Welcome back, fiends of the underworld, to the darkest recesses of TheTorchOnline.com. Here, the flames of said Torch fight a losing battle against the encroaching darkness. Because it’s really, really dark. Like, vampire dark.
A word of warning for those who wish to remain unspoiled: we will discuss the latest episodes of HBO’s gothic fantasy, True Blood. Ye have been warned …
Last week, Tara was brought to the house of super goth Russell Edgington and Talbot by the insane Franklin, which doesn’t bode well for Tara. Usually Tara’s the type of person who utterly surrenders to pain and misery. I understand and respect her for this. But she must have spent too much time around Sookie, because she’s starting to get spunky in the face of danger. Sigh. And there was so much hope for her.
The episode ended with Sookie and Bill being ambushed and taken hostage by Russell, and Sookie once again unleashing that light from her hands. Ugh. Even her superpowers are bright and perky.
This episode begins with the dead-crossed lovers being tossed into the foyer of Russell’s home, and Bill, who is always dependably goth, immediately stakes a skinhead vamp. Blood and entrails fly everywhere, which horrifies Talbot, who is only thinking about the mess it’s making. So not goth, Talbot. Russell orders Lorena to murder Bill in the basement. Well played, your majesty.
Later, Russell drags Sookie into a living room and demands she tell him what she really is, and why she was able to do that pesky lightbeam-thing. Sookie attempts to use feisty bravado to counter Russell’s supreme gothitude. Oh, Sookie, just stop trying. Please.
After his grilling of the perpetually blond Sookie, Russell takes Eric and heads to the home of Sophie-Anne, the Vampire Queen, where he has Eric rough her up and force her to agree to marry Russell for political reasons. This episode is getting gother by the second.
Tara takes the goth cake this week by tricking Franklin into thinking she loves him, seducing him, biting him and tearing into his flesh, waiting for him to fall asleep, and then bludgeoning him to a bloody pulp with a mace. Between that and Lorena torturing Bill in the basement, this week seems to showcase just how goth the ladies are. Even Sookie seems a little glummer than usual after thinking Bill is being murdered. Hell’s belles, indeed, my little monsters.
Well, my, my. It would seem we have one more hellish belle, as Baby Jessica makes short work of a horrifically rude customer. But then, she did it to make Arlene feel better, so I’m not sure if that counts as truly goth.
Of course, it takes a vampire to win the goth crown, and Lorena proves this when she ends the episode biting down on Sookie in what looks like a fatal embrace.
Fingers crossed that it works.
So there you have it, my demons and phantasmagoric fellows, our latest goth recap. I now send you all out into the night to wreak havoc among the living and bring dread into the hearts of the hopeful. I’d go with you, but I’m way too goth to do this myself … plus I just got a new Playstation game. It’s all right, though — it’s a totally goth.