I’d never heard this before, but apparently there’s a long-standing rumor that a hanging man is visible in the background of one of the scenes in the woods in the 1939 classic fantasy movie The Wizard of Oz. It supposedly happens after Dorothy and the Scarecrow meet the Tin Woodsman, have an encounter with the witch, and set off down the Yellow Brick Road.

When the movie played on television with its relatively low resolution, it apparently really did look like a hanging body. And since the movie’s reputation grew as a result of those repeated television showings, the rumor of the hanging body grew too.

But now that the film is available on high-resolution digital DVD, the mystery has finally been put to rest.

So is there a hanging body? Not according to this article. It’s apparently a bird — one of a number of real birds that were placed throughout the movie sets, to give Oz a more “exotic” look. Here’s another debunking.

This isn’t the only rumor of its kind — supposedly, you can hear a secretary being murdered in the 1975 song “Love Rollercoaster.” But when I hear rumors like this, I always gotta ask: apart from the incredible odds of something like this happening, does anyone really think that any producer would be so insensitive as to include actual evidence of such a death in a finished entertainment product?

Here’s the The Wizard of Oz clip in question, but frankly, the YouTube.com resolution is so crappy that I can’t see a hanging body or a bird.

• There is a Good Witch of the South (and Her Name is Glinda!). In the classic movie, no mention is made of the Good Witch of the South, just the Good Witch of the North, whose name is Glinda. But in the original L. Frank Baum books, Glinda is the Good Witch of the South — a different witch than the elderly north witch who greets Dorothy upon her arrival in Oz. Then again, even in the books, the Good Witch of the North mostly disappears from the scene, with “good witch” plot duties taken over by the south witch. As such, the makers of the 1939 movie simply condensed the two witches.

• Toto Talks! While animals (such as the Cowardly Lion) can speak in Oz, it appears in the movie that Toto cannot. But in the eighth book in Baum’s series, Toto reveals he can talk in Oz — he’s just, until then, chosen not to.

• Wicked is Not the First Broadway Adaptation of the Story. A 1902 musical version of Baum’s first book was such a success on Broadway than it encouraged him to write thirteen more books in the series.

• Dorothy Had a Thing For the Scarecrow. In an early version of the movie screenplay, there were hints that Dorothy would develop a relationship with Hunk, the real-world counterpart to the Scarecrow, with him leaving for agricultural college at the end of the movie, but getting Dorothy’s promise to write to him. The relationship wasn’t completely eliminated from the final screenplay, however, most notably when Dorothy says to the Scarecrow, “I think I’ll miss you most of all.”

• A Tin Woodman Would Never Rust. Iron rusts, but tin does not. Since the Tin Woodman obviously does rust, some speculate that the Tin Woodman is actually an Iron Woodman (with a tin veneer, as is often common), or that he has joints of iron.

• After Margaret Hamilton was Injured, Her Stand-In Was Injured Too. Hamilton was famously burned on the second take of her first smoke-and-flame-filled disappearance from the Yellow Brick Road — so much so that when she returned from the hospital, she refused to participate in a scene where the Witch is seen riding a broom with smoke billowing out behind. Her stand-in was used instead, and she was seriously burned and hospitalized as well.
  

• No Footage of Buddy Ebsen, the Original Tin Man, Still Exists. Ebsen, who was famously replaced because he had an allergic reaction to the make-up, worked on the movie for nine days of filming, mostly scenes in the witch’s castle, but none of the footage (apparently) still exists. All the existing shots of Ebsen in Tin Man garb are still-shots. (The movie has lots of other “lost” footage as well, including the entire “Jitterbug” scene. This is the problem with the fact that you never know you’re making a classic at the time you’re making it!)

• The Movie Had at Least Four Directors. Victor Fleming was responsible for directing most of the film’s actual footage (and is the credited director), but in addition to temporary director George Cukor (who left to film Gone With the Wind), the movie’s initial director, Norman Taurog, was replaced before actual filming began, and its second director Richard Thorpe was replaced after two weeks, the same time that Buddy Ebsen was let go. When Flemming then left to (ironically) take over Gone With the Wind from Cukor, King Vidor stepped in to film the final scenes, including Dorothy singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Producer Mervyn LeRoy is also sometimes listed as an uncredited director.

• The Wizard Gives the Cowardly Lion “Liquid” Courage. In the book, the Wizard doesn’t give the Lion a “badge of courage” — he gives him an unnamed liquid: “liquid courage.” Pretty cheeky, Baum, pretty cheeky.

• Since the Classic 1939 Movie, the Oz Story Has Never Been Reimagined in Any Form. Just kidding!

• Buzz keeps building around the French feature film The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec. It seems to cross a little bit of Egyptian mysticism with some insanely improbable archeology, living mummies, and pterodactyls – plus it looks funny, which is no small accomplishment considering I don’t speak French. Tons of new clips have been released, along with sexy photos, and this subtitled trailer.

• This list purports to deduce what your favorite television show, from The Price Is Right to True Blood to Big Bang Theory, says about you. Mostly I think it says that list compilers need to get out of their mother’s basements more often and meet people.

• Parisian photographer Mac Da Cuhna Lopes has a new series called SKLT taken with fanciful skeletons in odd, anticipatory poses, such as this one that appears to be waiting for his owner to arrive home. I’ve no idea if the tail holds together once it starts wagging.

• You’ll have to forgive my gaming knowledge – I’m much more of a Wii Sports guy than I am big PS3/X-Box games, so I know very little about Crysis, and by extension, Crysis 2. But when you see the avatar walking around a desolate New York City, with the saddest version of “New York, New York” I’ve ever heard playing in the background, it does catch the eye.

• In other news that’s depresses me, Meinhardt Raabe died on Friday at age 94. The name may not mean much to you, but you know him best as the Munchkin who pronounced the Wicked Witch of the East “most sincerely dead” in The Wizard of Oz.

• Some viewers are complaining that the new series of Doctor Who is too sexy, with the companion working in the kiss-o-gram business with short skirts and costumes. Plus she ogled The Doctor when he stripped down and changed clothes. I’m actually completely enchanted with what Amelia Pond brings to the table.

• Neil Gaiman has a lovely new illustrated book of stories, Instructions, coming out with artwork by Charles Vess, and to entice us to buy (as if he needed bother), we have this trailer for the book.

• In a scene right out of an iCarly episode, an amusement park mechanic has built a street-legal, V-8 powered Colonial Viper worthy of Kara Thrace.

• Tremors was absolutely one of the campiest monster movies ever produced with a straight face, and is the spiritual father to every SyFy Original Movie ever made. So it seems fitting that 20 years after the release, you’ve got a browser-based video game called Tremerz popping up for you to waste your Monday playing, complete with a misappropriated image of Kevin Bacon.

• Silly comedy Date Night walked away with the weekend box office win with $27.1 million, while Clash of the Titans dropped 55% and held onto second with $26.9 million, while How to Train Your Dragon, in the third week, slipped a mere 11% to $25.4 million for third place. For those keeping score, that means Clash isn’t quite the Watchman-level bomb we suggested it might be — although it’s by no means the runaway-hit the studio wants (and has portrayed) it to be either. We still say a sequel isn’t a given.

• Late news says that Starz doesn’t want to lose their audience for Spartacus: Blood and Sand while star Andy Whitfield undergoes cancer treatment, so they’re developing a six-episode prequel series.

• I’m completely enchanted with the trailer for the indie film  The Boy with a Candy Heart. A piñata maker wanted a child, so she built a boy, and he grew up, and started to work in a candy store, and eventually started dating. The imagery seems clever, with a skinned knee leaking Skittles. I’m curious to see how it holds up beyond trailer length, but I’m hopeful.

Ah, the “magic portal” fantasy sub-genre! Who doesn’t love it?

I’m talking, of course, about those stories that begin in the “real” world, but in which the character or characters are somehow transported to a magic one.

How? Usually through some kind of magical “gate” or portal. Let’s count down some of the all-time best, shall we?

8. The Magical Medallion in Magic Kingdom for Sale — SOLD!

Terry Brooks is at his best when he has no pretensions — when he doesn’t take himself too seriously, and when he lets the humor flow. The best example of this may be the Magic Kingdom of Landover novels, in which a depressed Chicago lawyer sees an ad for a “magic kingdom” for sale for a million dollars. Desperate for a clean change, he buys it, and is given a magical medallion that leads him through swirling mists to an actual magic kingdom. Naturally, what’s waiting for him there is not quite as simple as it sounds!

7. The Portal into John Malkovich’s Mind in Being John Malkovich

Like much of screenwriter Charlie Kaufman’s work, some of this movie is self-indulgent and distracting. But you gotta love the movie’s brilliant central premise: a door that leads people into the head of actor John Malkovich for 15-minute increments!

6. The Map of the Universe in Time Bandits

In my mind, Terry Gilliam is an undisputed visual genius. But I’m not sure he gets enough credit for some of the wonderful central “gimmicks” in his films, such as the map of the universe in his 1982 film, Time Bandits, which he co-wrote. A group of God’s workers were given a map of the “holes” in the space-time continuum. But rather than use the map to repair the holes as they’ve been ordered, they use it to dart in and out of time, stealing some of history’s greatest treasures. Along the way, they pick up Kevin, our eleven year-old hero — and they’re also being watched by Evil, who just might make use the map to break out of his Fortress of Ultimate Darkness.

Great visuals, great movie, great magical portals!

5. The Gates to Disneyland

Okay, sure, Disneyland (and Disneyworld) has become the attraction that everyone loves to hate, or at least grouse about. Yeah, the lines can be too long, and the food is too expensive. But more than 50 years after its founding, I think it’s difficult to truly appreciate what Walt Disney did with his famous theme parks. He made fantasy come to life! Not on a movie screen or in the pages of a book, but for real! Sure, there had been amusement parks before, but nothing like this. And, frankly, to this day, no one has done it better.

A real-life magical portal? You bet!

4. The Magic Well in Enchanted

Speaking of Disney, there’s a movie about an animated Disney princess who gets pushed through a magical well into the “real” world of New York City — and it stars Amy Adams and Susan Sarandon? Oh, please, I am so there!

3. The Dark Tower

What the hell is the Dark Tower? Not even those who’ve read Stephen King’s trippy, but breathtaking seven-book Dark Tower series can say exactly, but it seems to be some kind of a nexus where all universes coincide. But the tower is just one of a number of magic portals that enliven this classic, mind-bender of a series.

2. The Twister in The Wizard of Oz, the Rabbit Hole in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, and the Lookingglass in Through the Lookingglass, and What Alice Found There.

Some magical gates are literally doors or door-like, but other are more obscure, like the twister in The Wizard of Oz or the rabbit hole and the lookingglass that take Alice to Wonderland. And just as vaguely defined as the doors themselves are the reasons why they exist and why they go where they go. These children’s stories never really say — which is totally in keeping with their dream-like natures, and the fact that they speak the wonderful language of archetypes and imagination, not literal reality.

1. The Wardrobe in The Chronicles of Narnia

Was there any doubt? Yeah, this is the best magical portal of all-time, hands-down.

It’s partly the wardrobe’s wonderful synchronicity — how (assuming we read the books in their original order) we first encounter the wardrobe in the The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, but then eventually learn in The Magician’s Nephew how it came to be: Digory had it made from the wood of the tree that grew from the magical apple he brought back from Narnia to save his mother’s life. Later, Digory had it moved to his house in the country, where he became “the old Professor” from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

The wardrobe works so well as a magical portal partly because of its quaint, old-fashioned, and British-seeming nature, which is perfectly in keeping with the tone of the books.

But mostly the wardrobe is so wonderful because it’s activated millions of imaginations; since the day Wardrobe was first published, it’s had generations of kids (and even some adults, including this one) forever peeking into the backs of closets and wardrobes … just in case.

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You know that moment. You’re watching your favorite fantasy movie. You’ve seen it a million times before. You have the Special Edition DVD. You’re soaking in every second of it. Mouthing along all the lines.

Then you hit the moment — that moment — when the aroma of awesomeness grows too strong, and there is nothing left to but jump off your couch and yell, “F*%$ YEAH!!” as loud as you can, annoying parents, siblings, spouses, children, anyone within earshot.

But they just don’t understand. You can’t help it! You’ve just hit a “F*%$ YEAH!” moment.

Here’s a list of seven choice “F*%$ YEAH!” moments in fantasy films.

#7 - The Goonies: Mikey’s Speech vs. Troy’s Bucket

Midway through their adventures, the young teenagers of this classic 80’s fantasy are offered a choice: they can trudge on and continue to face dire peril, or they can be saved by the town jerk. As the gang mulls it over and the tide starts turning towards quitting, the de facto group leader, Mikey, rallies the troops by reminding them how very soon they’ll have no homes to go to if they forsake their treasure hunt. When one of them pleads that she doesn’t want to die, Mikey passionately reprimands that “Goonies never say die!”

At which point we all leap to our feet, shake our fists, and cry, “F*%$ YEAH Goonies never say die!”

#6 - Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: Guy Chooses Poorly

The quest for the Holy Grail is nothing new, and the legendary cup has evaded mankind for most of its existence. As it turns out, the combined faculties of the Nazis and the man called Indiana Jones are all you need. When Indy walks into the chamber filled with cups, he is advised by the ancient knight, the steward of the grail, that one must choose wisely.

But soon the Nazis follow him in, and one of the officers takes a drink from a spectacularly ornate golden chalice, believing it to be the cup of Christ. He’s wrong, of course, and we get treated to a nice scene of a man turning into a corpse in seconds. After this hideous display, the knight casually mentions, “He chose poorly.”

F*%$ YEAH he chose poorly! Yo, did you see that guy?!

#5 - The Wizard of Oz: Dorothy OWNS the Wicked Witch

Farm girls can deal with a lot of crap, but seriously, don’t set their friends on fire. After sweet Dorothy Gale had been tortured by the nefarious Wicked Witch for almost her entire visit to the Land of Oz, the Witch went too far by capturing Dorothy and her friends, and then setting her good buddy the Scarecrow’s arm on fire.

Without hesitation, Dorothy grabbed a bucket of water and tossed it on the Scarecrow, hitting the Witch as well. Turns out she was allergic to water, and Dorothy destroyed her beautiful wickedness. As she melted away, shrieking “What a world, what a world!” we all responded, “F&%$ YEAH, Dorothy! You show that Witch what’s up.”

#4 - The Return of the King: Yeah, So Eowyn? Not a dude!

This movie — and, indeed, this series – is so full of “F&%$ YEAH!”  moments it’s too hard to find just one, so I found two. The first takes place during the epic Battle of Pelennor Fields. Orcs and men alike are dying by the thousands. It is a red day. Everywhere Gondorian soldiers are being trampled underneath the feet of the massive Oliphaunts.

In one section of the field, brave King Theoden is about to be slaughtered by the evil Witch King when a young soldier stands between the king and certain death. After slaying his animal and battling the Witch King, the soldier is wounded and tired, but still fighting. When goaded by the wraith that “no man” alive can kill him, the soldier rips off her helmet, revealing herself as Eowyn, niece of the king, crying, “I am no man!” as she slams her sword into the Witch King’s face. F*%$ YEAH, she’s not a man!

#3 - 300: The Bad-Ass Ancient Form of Sunscreen

I don’t have a lot of love for this movie — which is weird, considering it features Greek history, non-stop action, and its based on a comic book, which are all things I love. It just didn’t do it for me … except for that one moment, when an enemy warns that their arrows will blot out the sun, and a stoic Spartan soldier looks as him, smirks, and replies, “Then we will fight in the shade.” F*%$ YEAH, you will!

#2 - Return of the Jedi: Darth Vader Opens a Can on the Emperor

For three movies, we had seen the relationship between Luke and Darth Vader go from anonymous enemies to battling father and son. We even started to feel a little sorry for old Vader, as it seemed he was bullied around a lot by the geriatric Emperor, the true seat of evil authority in the galaxy.

So when he grabbed that old dirty bastard and threw him down a pit to his death in order to save Luke, who didn’t yell, “F*%$ YEAH, Vader! You go! You go!”

#1 - The Return of the King: Hobbits Don’t Bow, Fool!

Okay, we’ve reached the next Return of the King moment. This is a different kind of F*%$ YEAH moment. It’s the kind muttered under your breath when choking back tears.

In one of the several endings of the final chapter of The Lord of the Rings, after all the evil is vanquished, a coronation ceremony is held for the new king, Aragorn. When the noble h0bbits go to bow to him, he raises them up and says, “My friends…you bow to no one.” He then bows to them, and is followed by the entire congregation, all bowing to the diminutive heroes.

Sniff. Sniff. F*%$ yeah, hobbits.

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Have a question about something fantasy-related? Ask the Oracle! (Be sure to include your first name and the city, state, and/or country you are writing from.)

Q: What’s this about a sequel to Heavy Metal? Is it really going to happen?  — Blake, Appleton, WI

A: The Oracle can reveal that there already is a sequel to the 1981 animated cult classic: Heavy Metal 2000 (not to mention a video game, 2000’s Heavy Metal: F.A.K.K.2). But ignoring the horribly-received 2000 movie, there has been a new version — not exactly a sequel — in the works for several years now, spearheaded by David Fincher (Zodiac, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), a fan of the original.

At one point, Paramount dropped the project, but last week’s announcement that Titanic’s James Cameron will co-executive produce and direct a segment (and that Jack Black will appear in a comedy segment) makes the project now far more likely to happen.

Q: Have any fantasy shows ever won Emmys? – Ent, Fort Lauderdale, FL

A: The Oracles assumes you jest. Fantasy, like most genre programming, is quite simply almost never given the recognition that the Emmys, the ultimate designation of industry respect, signify.

While fantasy series have frequently been nominated in the make-up, special effects, and other technical categories, as far as the Oracle knows, only three fantasy series have ever been nominated for the Outstanding Drama or Comedy Awards: Beauty and the Beast in 1988; Bewitched four times during its nine-year run; and The Twilight Zone in 1961 (Rod Serling’s Night Gallery, a 1970s sequel of sorts, was also nominated once in the category of Outstanding Single Program, Comedy or Drama).

Fantasy programming is virtually never nominated in other prominent categories either. In seven seasons, for example, Sarah Michelle Gellar was never nominated for Outstanding Actress in a Leading Role for her landmark role on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nor was any of the stellar supporting cast (the Oracle won’t name the often lackluster, already-forgotten actors who were nominated instead, because it will only make your blood boil). It was considered a big deal in 2000 when Joss Whedon was finally bestowed a writing nomination for “Hush,” his revolutionary, mostly dialogue-free Buffy episode.

Xena: Warrior Princess was likewise mostly shut-out of the Emmys, although Joseph LoDuca was — very deservedly — nominated six years in a row for the show’s music.

A few notable Emmy fantasy exceptions: The X-Files did receive a number of acting nominations (and star Gilliam Anderson actually won the award in 1997). The leads and many guest stars on Touched by an Angel were frequently nominated for acting awards for that show, as were many actors on Bewitched; Agnes Moorehead was nominated six of the show’s nine years, and Elizabeth Montgomery was nominated five times.

And in addition to their Outstanding Drama nominations, Beauty and the Beast received several acting nominations for its lead actors, and The Twilight Zone did receive a number of writing nominations (and won twice, both times for Rod Serling).

Q: Since dwarves live underground, why don’t they suffer from kidney failure, osteoporosis, and other symptoms associated with Vitamin D deficiency? — Martin, Tulsa, OK

A: The Oracle senses some sarcasm on the part of the question-writer, but will take your question seriously anyway (he’s just that kinda oracle).

The Oracle can reveal that, after many generations of subterranean dwelling, dwarves have developed genetic mutations that enable them to survive on much lower levels of Vitamin D, and enable them to derive it solely from their food sources, in much the same way the Inuit developed the ability to survive on a mostly-meat, high-fat diet.

Q: Is it my imagination or does “If I Only Had a Brain,” the song the scarecrow sings in The Wizard of Oz, speed up halfway through? Isn’t that sort of unusual? – Molly, Sandpoint, ID

A: The Oracle compliments you on your keen ear! For the 1999 DVD release of the classic film (which coincided with the movie’s 60th anniversary), Disney included outtakes not used in the film’s earlier releases — including an extended version of this song and dance number by Ray Bolger as the Scarecrow. In this version, the tempo definitely speeds up for the instrumental dance interlude.

Unusual? Yes. But not so uncommon that composers don’t have terms for it: namly, “Più Mosso,” which indicates a sudden change in tempo, in this case an “assai,” or large, change. After Bolger’s dance, the composer employs “Tempo primo,” which returns the song to its original speed.

Have a listen.

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Sure, Frodo’s great. Those Pevensie kids are adorable. Harry Potter’s the Arthur Pendragon of our time.

But really, how interesting are any of those characters on their own?  Where would they be if it weren’t for those evildoers out there to constantly be the thorn in their sides? When one looks at what turns a good fantasy adventure into a great one, the answer is often its antagonist, be it evil witch, sexy Goblin King, or oddly well-preserved 3,000-year-old mummy.

What makes a great fantasy villain? They have to be menacing and powerful, of course, to be a true obstacle for our hero — but that can get pretty one-note after a while. Often a fantastic villain has an air of sexual allure, something to show us that wickedness is seductive.

But let’s face it: the most important ingredient of all might be likability; we may not want to be them, but we definitely have to want to watch them.

It’s not easy to find great villains. Sure, Sauron was uber-evil, but was it really that interesting to watch a fiery eye, um, look at things really hard? David Bowie was definitely a memorable presence in The Labyrinth, but were you ever actually worried about Jennifer Connelly’s Sarah?

Listed here are eight of the most engrossing fantasy villains seen on screens large and small.

Callisto - Xena: The Warrior Princess was one of the most influential and well-loved fantasy shows of all time, but even die-hard Xenites will admit its first season was a bit … shaky while the show found its voice. All that instability ended with the introduction of its first major villain, the mega-hot psycho babe Callisto. She was Xena’s physical equal, she could shriek like a banshee, and she looked damn good in chain mail. What’s more, she began her descent into evil due to losing her family when Xena’s army killed them, thus as evil as she was, well, it was always kind of Xena’s fault. You can’t ask for a better origin story than that.

Faith - While we’re on the topic of mega-hot psycho babes, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was doing fine being the Chosen One — emphasis on one – until another Slayer came to town. Sultry, slutty, and just as buff as Buffy, she owned most of Season 3 and stole every scene she was in, particular when she fully embraced her dark side and started killing people. Her path to redemption took a bunch of seasons and two series (she guest starred on the spin-off Angel several times), and though she ended up good in the end, she was great when she was bad.

Darkness - It takes a lot to have any kind of charm when you’re seven feet tall, fire engine red, and the proud owner of two ginormous ebony horns, but somehow Tim Curry managed to endow his character Darkness in Legend with an astounding suavity, which complimented his pure, vicious evil. Of course, if there’s one thing Tim Curry does well, it’s charm the hell out of us while playing purely evil characters (as evidenced by his immortal turn in The Rocky Horror Picture Show.) He is the very image of the Christian devil, and his mere presence is enough to send more than few shivers down your back, and yet when he gently told Mia Sara’s Lili that he simply wanted to sit and talk with her, you couldn’t help but be intrigued. Too bad those horns are such deal-breakers.

The White Witch - Come on, admit it: you knew she was evil from the moment you saw her, but weren’t you a little jealous of Edmund Pevensie when he got cruised and picked up by the cougar witch in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe? Didn’t you want to be the one snuggling with her under that blanket, eating Turkish Delight out of her icy, delicate fingers? As played by Tilda Swinton, Narnia’s reigning beeyotch was that special kind of evil that’s also slightly delicious. Sexy one minute and harsh the next, beautiful from one angle and androgynous from another, you just couldn’t take your eyes off her.

Dracula - This is an obvious choice, sure, but how can you not include the guy who made vampires sexy long before Lestat was a glimmer in Anne Rice’s eye? Though Bela Lugosi did an admirable job, it was Gary Oldman’s portrayal in 1992’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula that secured the Transylvanian Wonder as one of the most magnetic screen villains of all time. (Sorry, Gerard Butler in Dracula 2000. I know you tried your best.) When evil looks as good as Drac does in that gray suit and Jim Morrison sunglasses, you can see why Winona Ryder’s Mina Harker can’t keep help but steal his heart. Of course, Winona Ryder can’t help but steal a lot of things.  BURN! (Is that joke still relevant?)

Voldemort - The first time we saw him, he was a face on the back of some dude’s head. The second time, he was as a … ghost? echo? whatever, just go with it … of his effeminate teenage self. But when he burst out of a cauldron, fully reformed and snakalicious, in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, it was clear a bombastic new villain was in town, and he had some serious staying power. Plus he has no nose. It’s freaky.

The Wicked Witch of the West - Long before she was re-imagined by Gregory Maguire as the sympathetic Elphaba in Wicked, The Wicked Witch of the West struck terror into all of our hearts as portrayed by Margaret Hamilton in the classic Wizard of Oz. She originated almost all of the cliches we have for movie witches nowadays, and her constant, insane cackling gave many a tot nightmares for years. When she said, “I’ll get you, my pretty,” we knew she wasn’t kidding around, and that scene when Aunty Em’s image in the crystal ball turns into the snarling witch’s face has been putting money into therapist’s wallets for the better part of a century.

Darth Vader - Is it any surprise? I know there are those of you who insist Star Wars isn’t fantasy, but surely you would admit that if there’s a shred of possibility it could fit into the genre, then Darth Vader must top the list of all-time greatest fantasy villains. From his first appearance in Star Wars: A New Hope, Darth Vader was like a figure pulled right from our sub-conscious, that dark part of us that was devoid of humanity and existed solely for evil. But then as the series went on, we realized there was so much more to the guy in the walking coffin, and by series’ end, we shed a tear at his death. Now that is a great villain.

The list goes on and on. Here are a few villains that didn’t quite make the cut:

Dark Willow - Speaking of the dark side, fans of Buffy’s Willow got two opportunities to the see the normally squeaky-clean good witch go postal: the first in the third season as a vampire from an alternate reality, and the other when her girlfriend Tara was killed three years later. Willow, distraught with grief, allowed herself to be overcome by dark magic, and for three awesome episodes, we saw pure rage in human form. Fortunately for residents of Sunnydale, she wasn’t bad quite long enough to make the list.

Prince Humperdinck - Sexy? No. Pure evil? No, just kind of nasty. But Prince Humperdinck from The Princess Bride had a comic timing and flamboyant bitchiness that made him a pleasure to watch. However, he was often upstaged by Christoper Guest as the Six-Fingered Man, so it’s understandable he didn’t make the top 8. But to exclude Wallace Shawn’s diminunitve Vizzini? Inconceivable!

Dick Cheney - In an interesting departure from their usual news-only programming, CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News all collaborated to air an ongoing pulp serial which ran from 2000 to 2008, featuring a dastardly villain named Dick Cheney, loosely based on Gargamel from The Smurfs. Shades of 1984 and A Brave New World could be found in this colorful series about a hunch-backed old man who attempted to bring about a totalitarian dystopia, though the show lost some credibility after it had its main character “accidentally” shoot a man in the face and suffer zero legal consequences. Fortunately for fantasy fans everywhere, the news networks wised up and stopped airing this disturbing show in January of ‘09.

I’m going to just own this: I love me a good fight scene. I do. I get shivers when I see weapons being drawn and smack being talked. I love seeing fantasy films, because I know somewhere along the way, I’ll get to see a good, old-fashioned, kick-ass sword fight.

But I’m getting a little older now, a little wiser, and bloodthirsty though I may be, even I know when there’s a limit.

I first became aware of this limit when I saw Prince Caspian in the theaters last summer. It had been a while since I had read the book, so my memory was a little fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a point in the book when sweet Susan Pevensie brutally slaughtered human beings — not monsters — in the attack on Caspian’s castle. Seeing her fire arrow after arrow into her enemies made me, frankly, uncomfortable, mostly because this was a film aimed at children. What happened to teaching kids that violence is a last resort?

One of my favorite storylines in Xena: The Warrior Princess was in Season 4 when Gabrielle, the spunky Amazon, adopted the path of nonviolence after a sojourn in India. Though she ultimately realized it wasn’t for her, it was fascinating to watch a warrior struggle to resist her natural inclination towards fighting. In honor of Gabrielle’s journey, let’s look at a few other peaceful warriors.

Hermione Granger: Though she may have thrown a punch or two (most memorably showing Draco Malfoy a thing or two about Mudbloods), Harry Potter’s numero uno gal pal mostly used her advanced intellect and magical abilities to overcome whatever nasty hurtles came her way…until the final three books when she started opening a can on the dark wizards that crossed her path.

Fred: Winnifred Burkle was the heart and soul of the team on Angel, but unlike almost every other major character in the Buffyverse, she rarely participated in battle. It was her spirit, spunk, and braininess that made her a true asset to the team. Her intellectual curiosity was also, sadly, her undoing, when she opened a sarcophagus and unleashed the demon Illyria. Fans of Angel know the rest.

Sarah: Jennifer Connelly’s teen heroine in Labyrinth journeys through another world, braves a giant psychedelic maze, storms a Goblin City and faces off with the oddly sexy Goblin King Jareth, who battles her by… singing at her. She fights back by… reciting lines from a book at him. Okay, as cinematic showdowns go, it’s not the most action-packed, but boy is it fascinating. And not a single fist is clenched.

Kevin: In Time Bandits, a little boy is at the center of what is essentially a journey through his own imagination. Along the way he meets dwarves, Robin Hood, and even the legendary warrior-king Agamemnon, yet he remains nonviolent through the whole ordeal. And then his parents explode. Shame, that.

Dorothy: This story is, of course, not just the stuff of L. Frank Baum’s brilliant 1900 novel, The Wizard of Oz, but the stuff of legend. Every character in Oz is an icon in his or her own right, right down to Dorothy and her little dog, too. Immortalized by Judy Garland in one of her finest performances, Dorothy is whisked into a fantastical adventure with talking animals and bitchy witches, yet with the exception of one slap to a bizarrely effeminate lion and one toss of a bucketful of water, she remains entirely innocent of violence. You go, Dorothy. You go.

Nonviolent heroes in fantasy are hard to come by, even when the story is directed at children, and it’s even harder to find an adult male character who takes no part in fisticuffs.

Who have we left out? Feel free to chime in in the comments.

So we already covered fantasy’s ten stupidest moments. What about its ten coolest moments?

Fortunately, there are just as many, if not more:

The Balrog

Some fantasy novels are an unending string of “cool” moments from start to finish; such is The Lord of the Rings (with the possible exception of Tom Bombadil, who never quite worked for me).

The coolest moment in the whole series? Impossible to say. But is there a cooler, more menacing creature than the balrog Gandalf confronts deep in the Mines of Moria? Able to shroud itself in fire and shadow? Wielding a whip of flame? The creature is the perfect balance of the familiar and the otherworldly — and it is clearly ripped directly from the deepest, darkest depths of our collective unconscious. And the moment where Gandalf realizes they cannot flee, that he must stand and fight, is surely one of the coolest in all of fantasy.

“You cannot pass!” Gandalf tells the creature.

Later, when Gandalf realizes that only his self-sacrifice can give Frodo and the fellowship a chance to survive, he says, “Fly, you fools!”

And for the record? The encounter with the balrog in Peter Jackson movie version (where Gandalf says a slightly different line: “You shall not pass!”) is as perfectly realized as it is in the book.

The Two Encounters with the Lantern in The Chronicles of Narnia

The moment in the C.S. Lewis novel The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe that Lucy first pushes through the wardrobe into the land of Narnia is one of the most magical in all of fantasy. But how does C.S. Lewis indicate to the Lucy (and the reader) this this really is some place new and different and special — and not just that she’s found a backdoor out of the professor’s country house, and it’s happened to snow in the middle of the night?

A lit gas lantern burns in the middle of the forest.

Such a thing isn’t possible in the “real” world. But, Lewis is telling us, if such a thing can happen in this strange place, anything else can happen too. Why, animals might talk, Father Christmas might really exist — and this “winter” just might be the spell of an evil witch who seeks to keep the land frozen in her magical grip for all eternity!

In short, that lantern is the perfect entry into the land of the Narnia, and the perfect foreshadowing for all the things that lie ahead.

And if that isn’t cool enough, we see that lantern again, in a “later” book in the series, The Magician’s Nephew, when we learn how it came to be there in the first place: it was planted there in the first few days of Narnia’s life, when the land was rich with magic and anything put into the soil took root and grew.

None of the characters in the books are privy to both moments — just us, the lucky readers. And put together, we get to experience one of fantasy’s most seamless, and most wonderful, synchronicities.

Oz in Color

A lit lantern “growing” in the middle of a snow-covered forest is one way to announce a fantasy character’s entry into a magical new world; having the color of your film turn from the dreary black-and-white of Kansas to the bright and vibrant Technicolor of Oz is another way.

The impact of this brilliant and inspired choice is so profound that even 70 years, and untold technological advances in film later, the moment still leaves us breathless.

The Shattered Glass of Illusion in Time Bandits

Terry Gilliam’s 1981 film Time Bandits is chock full of cool visuals — and it includes David Warner’s terrific turn as Ultimate Evil.

But the film’s best moment? When Kevin and the bandits are wandering the desert in the Time of Legends, and they realize it’s all an illusion. With the throwing of an object, they’re able to shatter it. As the shards fall, the fortress is revealed at last.

Cool!

Two Colors of Ink in The Neverending Story

Think the movement from black-and-white to color in The Wizard of Oz was clever? Just as brilliant is the central gimmick in author Michael Ende classic children’s book The Neverending Story.

The book is the story shy Bastian Balthazar Bux who is reading a book in an empty attic, but it’s also the story of Atreyu, a brash adventurer in the land of Fantastica — the story in the book that Bastion is reading. In other words, it’s a story-within-a story.

How does Ende help the reader distinguish between the two stories?

Different colored ink! It’s not a “moment” per se, but in the original hardcover editions, one story is told in red ink, and one story is told in green. As the storylines interweave and eventually join together, the two colors become one.

How the hell did Ende get his publishers to go along with something so daring (and, no doubt, expensive)? However he did it, it’s still really, really cool.

(A word of warning: in some paperback reprints, the different colored inks are replaced with itallics! Itallics! That is not cool at all.)

Elena’s Marrowmeld of Covenant in The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant

In almost every great work of literature, there is a moment of quiet metaphor when the characters do or say something that subtly but perfectly encapsulates the theme of the entire story. In The Power That Preserves by Stephen R. Donaldson (Book 3 in The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant), one of those moments is when Lord Elena sculpts a marrowmeld face, and Covenant immediately recognizes it as that of his bloodguard, Banner.

No, Elena tells him. The sculpture is of him.

How could anyone confuse the two characters on any level? After all, Covenant and Banner are so completely different, right? Covenant is impetuous and prone to outbursts, while Banner is staid and emotionless, perfectly disciplined in all respects.

A throwaway scene?

Not at all. In fact, under their superficial surfaces, the two characters are exactly alike in their infuriating refusal to compromise their principles — a point that the author is reminding us in this subtle, but wonderfully cool moment.

The Song of the Mystics in The Dark Crystal

It’s impossible not to be impressed by puppetry in Jim Hensen’s classic 1982 movie The Dark Crystal, but it’s actually a sound from the movie that may be the most arresting: the moment the Mystics begin to sing. These gentle beings communicate with, and drawn strength from, each other by lifting their heads joining their voices together; each Mystic sings a single note, but together they make a cord of perfect harmony. Their soothing song is a marked contrast to the shrill annoying voices of the evil Skeksis (another example of perfect foreshadowing of the story’s ultimate theme).

The “End” of Charlotte’s Web

There are apparently some clueless people who think two very stupid things: that fantasy is about escape from the “real” world, and that young children should never be exposed to “harsh realities” of this world.

Fortunately, children’s author E. B. White completely ignored these idiots in his classic 1952 book Charlotte’s Web.

What’s it about? Death.

I repeat: this is a kids’ book about death. A pig fears of his own certain death (for the Christmas feast), and so he and a friend, a spider, weave a web — literally — in order to save him.

And how does the book end? If you haven’t read it, here’s a spoiler alert, but while the pig is saved, the spider is not. She dies. But she leaves behind an egg sac — her “magnum opus.”

Everyone dies, this author has told generation after generation of children, in an ending as profound as anything in Eugene O’Neill. Death is final and inevitable — and perfectly natural. That said, for the living, life goes on.

“Speak Friend and Enter”

No list of “cool” fantasy moments can have only a single such moment from The Lord of the Rings. A second cool, but quieter moment comes when Gandolf leads the Fellowship to the secret entrance to the Mine of Moria, but is confronted with a riddle inscribed above the locked door. “Speak Friend and Enter,” it reads (in Elven, natch).

But speak what? None of the spells Gandolf tries don’t seem to work.

The answer, of course, is as simple and as clever as the best of all riddles: speak the world “friend,” or at least the elf word for it — “mellon” — and the magic of the door is released, and the door opens.

Tolkien gave us a number of clever riddles in both The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, but this is surely the best.

And once again, Peter Jackson’s screen adaptation gets is perfectly right.

The Skeleton Battle in Jason and the Argonauts

I know my fondness for this cool moment is partly about my being a kid when I first saw it. But I agree with Tom Hanks who, when giving a lifetime achievement award to special effects master Ray Harryhausen, called Argonauts “the greatest movie ever made.” The skeleton battle is the best moment in it.

Honorable Mentions: The introduction of the daemon in The Golden Compass; the explanation of the mythology of “true names” in the Earthsea Trilogy; encounters in Hogwarts School in Harry Potter; Elric’s “meeting” his sword Stormbringer, and Marion Zimmer Bradley’s general audacity.

Lord Voldemort

Maybe it makes sense that Voldemort doesn’t feel anything for his father. After all, he was conceived while his father was under the control of Merope’s love potion, so his father, Tom Riddle, wasn’t “feeling” anything for his mother either. Later, Merope assumed Tom had fallen in love with her for real, so she stopped giving him the potion.

Bad idea. Realizing he’d been tricked, and feeling no love in his heart, Tom abadonned her — and her child. Would Voldemore have turned out differently if his mother Merope had lived and raised him herself?

Maybe so, but Merope didn’t live. Without a mother and abandoned by his father, Voldemorte is forced to grow up in an orphanage.

Which sort of makes you understand why the guy might resent the hell out of the rest of the “normal” world — not to mention kind father figures like Dumbledore, no?

Dorothy Gale in The Wizard of Oz

We don’t really know what happened to Dorothy’s parents — she’s being raised by Uncle Henry and Auntie Em — but we do know she has an extraordinary unconscious desire for a father figure.

How do we know this? Well, first there’s all the time she spends in the company of male farmhands, not to mention traveling magicians. Does the girl have no female friends?

Then when Dorothy appears in Oz, who is she immediately attracted to? More male father figures: a scarecrow, a tin woodsman, and a lion. Please note: she doesn’t even bother asking Glenda to accompany on her journey to see the wizard! And when Dorothy finally returns home at the end of the story, what does she do? She immediately leaves and hooks up with Kenny Rogers.

Okay, I made up that last part. But it’s still true that Dorothy has a big-time daddy fetish.

Commodus in Gladiator

Did Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix) have issues with his daddy, the emperor of Rome, before the emperor chose Maximus (Russell Crowe) to rule in his stead rather than him? Oh, definitely. Commodus knows the father in Ridley Scott’s 2000 film senses he is bad news.

And sure enough, the father is right. Upon learning that he’s not to be emperor, Commodus kills his father — and presto! Commodus is emperor now. He then asks Maximus for his support, which, being the upstanding guy that he is, he refuses. Commodus is bent on revenge — something that sets the whole plot of the movie in motion.

Commodus literally spends the whole movie seething with resentment that his father loved Maximus not him — not to mention the fact that Maximus is the cool, manly gladiator, not him.

The Mythical Greek King Oedipus

This one kinda goes without saying, doesn’t it?

Nathaniel/John Mandrake in The Bartimaeus Trilogy

What is it about a wizard characters that they’re always being abandoned by their parents as children? Well, it makes for great psychological motivation, for one thing.

Nathaniel is a spiteful, petulant kid in The Amulet of Samarkand, the first book in The Bartimaeus Trilogy. Then again, wouldn’t you be if you’d been forfeited by your parents into the service a petty, third-rate magician like Arthur Underwood?

Again, Nathaniel’s lack of a true father figure sets the whole plot in motion. If you deeply resent all the adult males in your life and have no control over your own destiny, what better way to seize control — while also psychologically subduing the father-figure demons of your past — than to summon an all-powerful, 5000 year-old genie who must obey your every command?

This being a trilogy, things don’t go quite as planned. But without Nathaniel’s daddy issues, there’s no book to begin with.

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