Three Torches (Out of Five)

Nicolas Cage as a sorcerer? Who would’ve thought it? But he’s actually not bad in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Disney’s re-imagining of the famous Fantasia sequence, opening today.

Being a sorcerer’s apprentice would be the coolest job ever, according to the apprentice to Cage’s wizard Balthazar, David, played by uber-geek Jay Baruchel.

How you react to this movie will probably depend on what you think of the talent involved, especially Cage, and producers Jerry Bruckheimer (Top Gun, the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, the National Treasure movies) and Jon Turteltaub (National Treasure, Phenomenon).

I like big, splashy summer movies, and I (mostly) kinda liked this one too.

The movie has its “cheesy” moments, but the effects are very impressive and the story serviceable. This could’ve been a lot worse than it is.

David finds out that he is indeed special when, in the fourth grade, he coincidentally runs into Balthazar’s shop. Ten years later, Balthazar saves David from the evil Horvath, played by Alfred Molina, in order to keep Horvath away from David’s dragon ring and the evil sorceress, Morgana, who was trapped in a sealed pottery container by Balthazar.

Complications ensue when David’s dream-girl gets involved, and Horvath gets dangerously close to retrieving the container and releasing Morgana.

Ironically, for a movie so filled with effects, it has some surprisingly slow parts. But they’ve also pretty effectively shown the audience what “magic” might really look like.

And for a magic/fantasy geek like I, that was enough to keep my attention.

Time yourself:

Have a question about something fantasy-related? Please send an email to thetorchonlineoracle@gmail.com and be sure and include your city and state and/or country.

Q: I know boots of Springing and Striding aren’t real — that they’re a D&D magic item. But it occurs to me that there might be some (non-magical) real-world counterpart. Is there? — Waylon, Portland OR

A: Yes: a brand of exercise equipment called Kangoo Boots (as opposed to “kangaroo boots,” I suppose, which are made from kangaroo fur and leather).

I was both fascinated by how these books work, but also vaguely disappointed that they don’t allow you to jump ten feet in the air:

While looking for a video of Kangoo boots, I also found this, which doesn’t quite correspond to any D&D spell that I can think of, but looks really, really fun nonetheless:

Q: Why remake The Sorcerer’s Apprentice? Seriously. — Urp, Vancouver, Canada

A: The Oracle agrees with you, but if it’s any consolation, the original Sorcerer’s Apprentice (which is, of course, a short film within the animated Disney classic Fantasia) is itself adapted from a 1797 poem, which had previously been turned into an 1897 symphony (this is the music used in Fantasia).

Where did the idea for the movie (which includes a riff on the Fantasia broom-and-flood sequence, which is also part of the poem) come from?

“The idea came to me and my friend Todd Garner,” says the film’s star, Nicolas Cage. “I was making another movie at the time, and I wanted to explore a more magical and fantastic realm where I could play a character who had mystical abilities. I shared these thoughts with Todd, and the next day, we hit on the perfect project: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.”

So we’re now greenlighting movies based on the egotistical whims of inexplicably “bankable” movie stars like Nic Cage? That explains a lot, doesn’t it?

Considerably richer than God.

Q: Whose worth more: J.K. Rowling or Stephenie Meyer? — ApeGirl, Milwaukee, WI

A: While Stephenie Meyer has been far, far, far more successful than I ever would’ve imagined, and while she made an estimated $50 million dollars last year (for a total estimated wealth of well over $100 million), J.K. Rowling (who, it must be said, has been publishing books for almost a decade longer) is estimated by Forbes to have a fortune of a billion dollars.

Q: They can dress it up all the want, but when Galadriel, Elrond, and the rest of the elves “sailed over the Great Sea” to “Valinor,” that’s a euphemism, and they were really committing suicide, right? — M&M, Fort Wayne, IN

A: That’s, um, an unusual interpretation of things, but if that’s how you read the books, hey, what the hey?

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• Hollywood accounting has made the news a lot lately, with Disney recently losing a huge lawsuit over the accounting methods on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire. Now comes news that Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix lost $160 million, at least on paper, even with revenues of over $930 million worldwide. I no longer feel bad about not being able to balance my checkbook.

• Speaking of Harry Potter, they’ve been running sneak peeks on Disney channel of Deathly Hallows. It seems that there’s enough running in this film to make a Doctor Who episode. It also got competitive on set.

• The Wizarding World of Harry Potter continues to suffer from huge lines and wait times. One of their brilliant solutions is to quit selling alcohol in the Hog’s Head pub so they can turn tables faster. A little tip to Universal: hiding the liquor is not the way you improve my mood.

• A car full of zombies crashed and flipped in Portland. EMT’s were initially confused by the costumes of the party goers and thought the injuries were severe.

• I’m unfamiliar with Darkchylde, a comic about a stunning blond who can morph into evil monsters at will, with the catch that the monster gets released in her hometown when she does. The special effects work is from WETA, who did Lord of the Rings, and they’ve just released some test footage.

• Lots of comic book news is trickling out in advance of Comic-Con, some more reliable than others. But the news that Marvel would not be using Edward Norton to play Hulk in The Avengers has set tongues wagging. Norton famously rewrote the script for Hulk and fell out with the studio over editing and refused to promote the film. Marvel went so far as to release a statement that all but called Norton a diva.

• Tales from Earthsea was animated way back in 2006, but hit major legal snags before it was released in the United States. All of that is resolved, and the plan is to bring Ursula K. Le Guinn’s classic story to theaters August 13, 2010. Alas, despite being from Studio Ghibli, the buzz is that it’s not very good.

• It’s hardly news that Dragon Age 2 is under development, but BioWare has officially announced the title and shown some concept art for the epic game. They tout better combat, graphics, and an “epic story” (which isn’t really any different from the first Dragon Age). Dragon Age 2 releases March 2011.

• Speaking of Dragon Age, you’re reminded in the new DLC for Leliana’s story you should collect all the pieces for her Battledress of Provocateur Armor. The link says not only do you get the armor, but a Trophy of Achievement, but it’s also a cheat about where the pieces of the armor is hidden, so, SPOILER ALERT!

• Castle are everything for George R.R. Martin’s Songs of Fire and Ice HBO adaptation, A Game of Thrones. The concept art for the five main locales has hit the web in advance of a 2011 calendar, and while I think they nailed most of them, River Run is way too pretty for what I pictured in my head. And was Eyrie really that huge in the books?

• Sir Terry Pratchett has announced the Terry Pratchett Prize. The concept is that he’s looking for books set on an alternate earth, and the winner gets published, but the announcement itself is pure Pratchett prose, and should be read by any fans.

• There will be no official anything for Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawntreader at Comic-Con, it seems. Bummer.

• Comic-Con always brings exclusive toys and collectables you can’t buy elsewhere, and I always regret not going and buying something, especially since I lived in San Diego. This year, of this list of 25 Collectibles to Covet, what I really want is the plushie Nibbler from Futurama.

• Judging by these pictures, it’s good to be Conan the Barbarian, and bad to be his eyebrows. I guess they hadn’t perfected waxing in Conan’s day.

• Logan Lerman says it was easy to look scared and perplexed playing Percy Jackson, because he was. But as D’Artagnan in the new Three Musketeers film he has to be supremely confident and “badass” with a sword.

• The Flamingo Resort in Las Vegas debuted a new Lord of the Rings slot machine. Much like the Star Trek slots, you log in and accumulate bonuses, and even on major multiplier called Gandalf’s Fireworks.

• And finally this week, we’ll see the opening of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. There have been so many clips I have to wonder if I’ve seen the whole film. Here’s a five minute sequence about the first time Nic Cage’s character meets Jay Baruchel’s character, who is so young he’s not yet played by Jay Baruchel.

• Earlier today, we gave our Dinocroc vs. Supergator review, and some advice to SyFy about their Original Movies. We also have the news that they intend to pit 80s mall sensations Tiffany and Deborah Gibson against each other in the Florida Everglades in Mega Python vs. Gatoroid. They promise a fight scene worthy of Dynasty.

• The Last Airbender has released “flybys” of each of its four Kingdoms. I know that Ba Sing Se would be more towards the last part of the second film, but you would think they’d make a CGI rendering of that iconic city for the Earth Kingdom, but we just got a bunch of trees. Weak.

• Infinitus 2010: A Harry Potter Conference is happening in July in Orlando, taking advantage of the new Wizarding World Of Harry Potter. Over 2,000 aficionados are expected to make the trip.

• This review calls The Legend of Tellam by Temitayo Ilori epic fantasy, full of magic and intrigue, with allusions to Harry Potter and Legend of the Seeker. It criticizes the book’s editing, but praises it for being the first fantasy novel by a Nigerian native who still lives in Nigeria. I’m intrigued.

• If you couldn’t bring yourself to shell out for the trilogy box set for Lord of the Rings on Blu-ray, in September, you can ease into ownership for $24.98 each.

• The Wizarding World of Harry Potter is more than meets the eye. Wired put together a clever guide for spotting all the Easter Eggs hidden in the details that you’d be sure to miss.

• Wednesday night, Jimmy Kimmel hosted the entire cast of Twilight on a primetime special. My favorite bit of trivia was that when it came time to get the film rated by the MPAA, they were told that the CGI wolves couldn’t have genitalia if they wanted a PG-13 rating. So all their wolves are eunuchs. Advantage Team Edward.

• Speaking of the Twilight special, what if the Twilight cast was swapped out with the cast from Jersey Shore?

• Neil Gaiman’s Graveyard Book won the 2010 Carnegie Medal. The Carnegie Medal is awarded to the writer of the year’s most outstanding book for children. Probably terrified children in this case.

• The Chicago Tribune has a roundup of which genre shows are attending Comic-Con. Disappointingly, HBO’s Game of Thrones can’t attend, because they’re going to be deep into filming in Ireland. But the fact that Caprica is having a panel sounds like good news for the troubled series.

• I had no idea that Joe Manganiello had made being cast as Alcide on True Blood a nearly two-year mission with an entire online component. That’s respect for character you don’t often see.

• The bidding is about to start for the basic cable reruns of True Blood. Should HBO go for the best money, or the network that promises to chop the episodes up the least, removing all the good parts?

• If they’re going to make the live-action Akira movie PG-13, they shouldn’t make it at all.

• My fellow Palantir-peer Tim O’Leary showed you the first pictures of Jason Momoa as Conan, but that was just one of several shots that were released. He went for the beefcake. Here are the rest.

• Merlin star Colin Morgan dished on being the most powerful wizard in history to USAToday, but the interesting part was when he named guest stars for season 3. Miriam Margolyes (Professor Sprout, Harry Potter) has filmed a guest spot, and Warwick Davis (Willow) is about to. How cool is that?

• We showed you a bit of the behind-the scenes thought processes that went into making the Fantasia mop scene for The Sorcerer’s Apprentice already. But in this clip, you get to see the whole extended scene, and I’ve got to give them credit, it’s pretty awesome. Great effects, good emotion, good homage, and much funnier than I thought it could be while still being respectful.

Don’t you just love summer when you are able to find a splashy blockbuster almost every weekend? Summer is big for camping and vacations, but it’s also big for big movies.

Mostly, of course, summer is for the “fun” genres — science fiction, fantasy, horror, and action.

Contrary to popular belief, sci-fi and fantasy are not just about magic or scientific experiments gone bad. Most sci-fi and fantasy movies also have action and romance in them as well. All movies need elements of more than one genre to make it complete. As Shrek  says, “Ogres are like onions. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers…”

(Good) movies have layers too — multiple layers of genres, making the movie complete.

Sometimes those layers work … and sometimes they don’t.

Let’s look at the “pros” and “cons” of what are shaping up to be four of the summer’s biggest fantasy movies: Twilight: Eclipse, Toy Story 3, The Last Airbender, and The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

Twilight will have a lot more action than the second movie (pro!) because the Volturi is coming, along with Victoria and her new clan of fresh vampire blood, and the Cullens need to stop them, with the help of some big, furry friends of Bella’s.

However, Twilight readers already know everything that’s going to happen (con). Does anyone see these movies who hasn’t already read the books? And since rabid fans have already scared the filmmakers from changing anything more than minor plot-points, this may be the first movie in history where the entire audience knows the entire plot before the opening credits.

According to the previews, Dakota Fanning needs to step over to the dark side and really express her sinister ways. This is a “con” because I don’t really find her menacing or evil in any way. Her eyes are just too sweet (although that’s also something of a pro…to me, at least).

“To infinity and beyond!” Buzz Lightyear, Woody, and the gang are — finally! — back in Toy Story 3. Andy, all grown up, is heading off to college — this is what happens when you wait more than ten years to do the sequel. All the old characters are back as are the actors who voice them (pro).

However, Toy Story 3 looks like it just adds more toys for Andy to “pack rat” up into his bedroom. Sometimes less is more. And what happened to Sid? Is he his neighbor still? Is he going to college? Is he a pretty little princess now after what Woody, Buzz, and the gang did to him in Toy Story? His absence is a con — unless, of course, Sid and Zurg at least make a cameo appearance.

The Last Airbender (sweet graphics!) is an M. Night Shyamalan movie. It’s true that Shyamalan’s record is spotty of late, but that just means the stakes are higher for him, and he has more motivation than ever to turn out something decent (pro).

Better still, this is a movie (with sweet graphics) based on a terrific animated TV show (pro!). It deals with magic and manipulation of the four elements of the Earth (sweet graphics!) combined with martial arts.

And did I mention the movie has some sweet graphics? (pro, pro, pro!)

Unfortunately, it looks like the movie is putting the entire first season into two hours. That’s a lot of stuff — and must, therefore, be deemed a “con.”

What of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice? It’s presented by Disney (pro), produced by Jerry Bruckheimer (pro, I guess), directed by Jon Turteltaub (pro), has famous actors like Nicolas Cage and Alfred Molina (pro), includes great storyline (based on the previews and synopsis), offers some great graphics, and has both comedy and action, along with lots of magic (pro!).

What’s the downside? Nicolas Cage has his detractors on this site — I’ll throw a “con” their way, along with another one for that ridiculous long hair he has in this movie. And while producer Bruckheimer has done his share of decent stuff (Pirates of the Caribbean, Armageddon, National Treasure), he’s also overseen loads of crap (Pearl Harbor, G-Force). Definitely a potential “con.”

Buzz Lightyear tells us to, “Reach for the sky!” A more appropriate statement might be, “Reach for your wallet.” Because that’s what we’ll all be doing this summer — I’m right, aren’t I? — regardless of what any article about the pros and cons of these movies might say!

• The 2010 Hugo Award nominations have been announced. The more I write, the less I seem to read, so the only book I’m familiar with is Boneshaker by Cherie Priest. You can check out the whole list and tell us what you like!

• I was really looking forward to The Sorcerer’s Apprentice – even though I don’t really care much for either star, there was something rambunctious and fun about the whole thing. But my personal dislike of Nic Cage may yet win out. From WonderCon, how does he get from A to B in this?

Cage also said that he came up with the original idea for the movie: “When I came with this idea, I was on Next. I was talking to Tom Garner, who was also the producer. I said, ‘I want to play a magician. You know, I want to play like a sorcerer.’ And he came back and said, ‘I got it. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.’”

• Just in case you were missing out on Spartacus: Blood and Sand because Starz was expensive, we’re reminded you can stream the whole series from Netflix, and with 11 episodes shown, you can catch the entire first season before your 30-day free trial expires.

• Tron: Legacy has been doing a lot of viral marketing, but generally the definition of viral is that it spreads with little to no money. Staging a helicopter jump into a faux press conference you actually have in San Diego doesn’t sound like it meets the “little to no money” aspect. Though I am spreading it, so who knows?

• Alex Pettyfer, who’s building buzz for his performance in Beastly, has been cast in I Am Number Four from Dreamworks. It revolves around nine aliens in exile on earth from a genocide. They’re being hunted down, but one of the rules is they must be killed in numerical order, and the movie starts with the death of Number Three.

• The folks over at io9.com seem utterly enchanted with the book Spellwright by Blake Charleton about a magician in a world where magic is practiced with words and phrases. But since this magician has a form of dyslexia, things don’t often go well for him. They seem to say it’s not the farce it sounds, and praise the worldbuilding. (We liked it too.)

• Speaking of magic, a Lebanese man has been sentenced to death in Saudi Arabia for being a sorcerer. The evidence is that he’s some sort of television psychic in Lebanon, where sorcery is more of a misdemeanor, but on a trip to Saudi Arabia he was arrested, and Sharia law applied. Diplomats from Lebanon are trying to intervene.

• Here’s the latest trailer for Resident Evil: Afterlife. I’ve never been much of a fan of the series, but I have friends that are already drooling.

• Ryan Reynolds seems to have decided his niche is comic books, because reports say he’s somehow going to find time to do R.I.P.D (Rest In Peace Department) as a recently dead guy partnered with a long dead guy in a police department for the dead. This is being pitched more as a buddy comedy, which could be fun, because I’ve always felt from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place to Waiting, Reynolds has impeccable comic timing.

• Entertainment Weekly has a picture of the cast of The Big Bang Theory in “superheroine drag” from the Evil Wil Wheaton episode. I would try to describe it, but words fail me.

• Ellen DeGeneres did her show from Universal Orlando Florida last week, and one of the things she did was borrow a couple of kids for a walkthrough of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. There’s a lot of Ellen silliness, but you do get some nice angles on a few attractions and shops.

• The Clash of the Titans brought in $61.4 million over the weekend, and thankfully destroyed that Miley Cyrus film that opened on Wednesday to make the numbers look better.

• There’s a (mostly) spoiler-free review of the broadcast of Doctor Who “The Eleventh Hour” which aired in the U.K. over the weekend, and while I’m not going to analyze “why” I liked it like they did, I have to say I liked it a lot. I had serious concerns about Matt Smith, from his age, to the frantic nature of the previews, but it really, really worked for me.

• By some counts, we’re facing no less than 13 movies about vampires and/or zombies by the end of next year. What am I most looking forward to? Rosecrantz and Gildenstern Are Undead. It’s probably going to be awful, but awful in a good way.

• And for the comedic finish, I give you Harry Potter and the Outcasts of Hogwarts, which I understand is going to become an irregular series.

2010 is shaping up to be an exciting year for fantasy fans. There are at least 15 films slated for release this year, and we’ve got a full preview!

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: Lightning Thief
Release date: Feb. 12
Based on the best-selling series by Rick Riordan, Lightning Thief tells the story of Percy Jackson, an American teenager afflicted with ADHD and dyslexia, who discovers on a school field trip that he is the son of Poseidon. (You know, the god of sea and earthquakes. The angriest of the Big Three.) Percy’s mission is to find Zeus’ stolen lightning bolt and prevent a civil war from breaking out among the gods — who, by the way, have moved Olympus from the mythical mountain to the mythical 600th floor of The Empire State Building. Percy also has to rescue his mother from the Underworld, and — presumably — wrestle with the tourists that swarm The Empire State building every Valentine’s Day.

The Wolfman
Release date: Feb. 12
The Wolfman has a long, proud history of scarring the crap out of anyone willing to leave home on the night when the wolfbane blooms. The film has been remade five times since its 1924 debut, and each time it falls firmly in the “horror” category. In this incarnation, Oscar winners Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins team up as Lawrence Talbot and Sir John Talbot, a haunted father and son team searching for their missing brother/son. Lawrence finds himself falling in love with his brother’s fiance, and then falling under the spell of the full moon. We’re holding out hope for a special guest appearance by Michael J. Fox, surfing by the sleepy Victorian hamlet of Blackmoor on top of a van.

Alice in Wonderland
Release date: Mar. 5
In Tim Burton’s vividly re-imagined Alice in Wonderland, Alice falls down the rabbit hole at the age of 19. She doesn’t remember ever having been to Wonderland before, but you can bet your shrinking potion that Helena Bonham Carter’s Red Queen remembers her. Alice reunites with the White Rabbit, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the Dormouse, the Caterpillar, the Cheshire Cat, and of course, the Mad Hatter. (Played by Michael Sheen, Matt Lucas, Barbara Windsor, Alan Rickman, Stephen Fry and Johnny Depp, respectively.) The teaser trailer promised stunning visuals and the second trailer actually hinted at an engaging plot. Disney will be offering the film in their patented Digital 3D, just in case you missed out on attending a rave when you were in college.

Season of the Witch
Release Date: Mar. 19
Nicholas Cage plays a battle-worn and weary Crusader who returns to Europe for supplies, only to find himself recruited by a dying Cardinal. His mission is to escort a young woman to a remote abbey where she will stand trial for being a witch. Only this peasant is not your run of the mill Salem sorcerer; no, this witch is responsible for The Black Plague. Can Cage decode the map on the back of the Magna Carta in time to discover the secret message on the inside of King Arthur’s chalice in time to unlock the sacred chisel with which he must carve the answers to the world’s toughest Sudoku? And can he do it in time to save the entire continent from death? Oh, these are the Dark Ages indeed!

Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang
Release date: Mar. 25
As the star, screenwriter and producer of this sequel, Emma Thompson has made Nanny McPhee her pet project. The film’s official description reads “A group of children are evacuated from the city to a farm during wartime, where they encounter Nanny McPhee, the magic-wielding governess.” So, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe meets Mary Poppins. Unfortunately, Thompson was so preoccupied with the role, that she couldn’t find time to return as Professor Trelawney in the final installment of Harry Potter. It’s a hard pill to swallow considering that Ralph Fiennes (Lord Voldemort himself) is headlining Thompson’s Big Bang.

Clash of the Titans
Release date: Mar. 26
Another remake of a beloved fantasy classic, Clash of the Titans follows Perseus (born of a god, raised by a man) as he risks his life for the right to marry Princess Andromeda. He must battle Medusa and the Kraken monster as he follows his quest to forbidden worlds to defeat Hades (Ralph Fiennes) before the King of the Underworld can unseat Zeus (Liam Neeson). We don’t mind the remakes, as long as Clash of the Titans doesn’t fall victim to Hollywood’s latest fantasy craze: refusing to properly conclude a story, just in case the studio decides to fund a sequel. The only respectable exception would be the appearance of Kinopio Toad: “We’re sorry Perseus, but your Princess is in another castle.”

The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Release date: May 7
Poor Peter and Susan Pevensie, kicked out of Narnia for learning to shave and discovering makeup. But Edward and Lucy, played by Skandar Keynes and Georgie Henley (arguably the more talented of the four child stars who relaunched The Chronicles of Narnia) are back, and they’re bringing Prince Caspian with them. Unfortunately, they’re also bringing Narnia’s own Cousin Oliver, Eustace Clarence Scrubb. (We’re counting on Reepicheep to drown him out. Or just drown him.) Dawn Treader will follow the plot of C.S. Lewis’ original story: The younger Pevensies join forces with Caspian as he sails to the edge of the world, battling dufflepuds, slave traders, dragons, merfolk, and plenty of Christian symbolism along the way.

Iron Man 2
Release date: May 7
Robert Downey Jr’s celebrated Tony Stark is back in the second part of the Iron Man trilogy. This time, the whole world knows that the industrialist inventor is the man in the armored suit. The military, the American government and the media are all pushing him to share his technology with the world, but Stark knows enough about humanity to realize it’s a terrible idea. Don Cheadle will be taking over for Terrance Howard as James “Rhodey” Rhodes. And Gwyneth Paltrow will return as Pepper Potts. Unfortunately Pepper drives Stark to the brink of alcoholism when she gets a new boyfriend. Apparently even bazillionaires need a reminder that you shouldn’t operate heavy machinery while under the influence.

Robin Hood
Release date: May 14
When Russell Crowe’s Robin Hood hits theaters, it will be the tenth time the story has been adapted for the big screen. This incarnation follows the more traditional version of the story: Robin of Loxley, Earl of Huntington, returns to London after fighting in the Crusades to find that his village has been plundered at the hands of the Sheriff of Nottingham (Matthew Macfadyen). So, Robin forms a group of rough and tumble Merry Men to steal back their money and their land, and win the heart of Maid Marian (Cate Blanchett). Of course, the real question is whether or not the soundtrack can hope to compete with Bryan Adams’ “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)” from 1991’s Prince of Thieves. We’re guessing probably not.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Release date: May 28
A movie based on a video game? Why not; it worked for Angelina Jolie! In Prince of Persia, Jake Gyllenhaal plays Dastan, an Aladdin-like street-urchin in Medieval Persia. After showing unique valor in battle, the King adopts Dastan and sends him off to reclaim the Sands of Time (a gift from the gods that, um, controls the sands of time). Prince of Persia is the fourth Disney/Bruckheimer collaboration, and if the team’s other films (all three Pirates of the Caribbean) are any indication, it should enjoy plenty of mainstream success. And cross-promotion with Happy Meals. And Legos. And graphic novels. And, of course, another video game.

Jonah Hex
Release date: June 18
D.C. is auctioning off its lesser-known heroes right and left these days. Jonah Hex is a caustic, curmudgeonly, former Confederate States Army soldier whose face is scarred almost beyond recognition. He’s got all of the swagger of Clint Eastwood, without any of the charm. Josh Brolin stars as Hex in the movie adaptation, along with John Malkovich as Quentin Turnbull (the bad guy), and Megan Fox as a trigger-happy prostitute. Er, trigger-happy with the guns. Actual guns. Revolvers. Turnbull’s plan is a Civil War do-over, and Hex has been hired as the bounty hunter who must shut him down. The plot sounds almost as plausible as Malkovich with a southern accent. We totally buy Megan Fox’s role, though.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Release date: June 30
We haven’t really heard much about this movie. It’s apparently some kind of adaptation of a vampire romance novel. There may have been some movies before this one, but they must have flopped at the box office. From what we’ve heard, there’s a vampire with some wicked crazy hair, and a werewolf who refuses to wear a shirt, and a helpless girl who sits in her room listening to emo music and writing fan fiction about herself. We also heard something about sparkles and middle-aged women wearing t-shirts to support either the wicked hair or the abs. If any other information becomes available, we’ll let you know. This thing will probably go straight to DVD, though.

The Last Airbender
Release date: July 2
M. Night Shyamalan directing a Nickelodeon movie? Who’d have guessed it? (Us, actually. M. Night Shyamalan sees dollar signs.) The Last Airbender is a live-action adaptation of the super popular Nick cartoon series Avatar: The Last Airbender. The premise of the cartoon is that Earth, Fire, Water and Air can be controlled by “benders.”  Aang is the Avatar, and the last surviving member of Air Nomads. His purpose is to restore balance and overthrow the Fire Nation’s Admiral Zhao, but first he must learn to focus and bend all of the elements. Fortunately, the creators of the series left out the fifth element, Heart. That poor kid with the Heart ring on Captain Planet had the lamest superpower ever.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Release date: July 16
Nicholas Cage is back with more fantasy, this time in a live-action adaptation of the “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” scene from Disney’s Fantasia. (You remember? Mickey and those crazy mops!) Cage plays Balthazar Blake, a master sorcerer who sets out to protect his city from an evil wizard. He recruits a young apprentice, Dave Stutler (Jay Baruchel) to help him. After a crash-course in magic (and what could possibly go wrong when you put those two words together?), Stutler joins Blake’s quest in a Disney-esque battle of Good versus Evil. The film looks to be a lot less trippy than the actual “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” from Fantasia. So if you’re looking for a mind-bend, you’ll have to watch Burton’s Alice in Wonderland on DVD.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1
Release date: Nov 17
If you thought Dumbledore’s death was tragic, wait until the first five minutes of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, when Harry’s beloved and loyal companion, Hedwig, gets (spoiler alert) blasted out of the sky. As promised, Harry, Ron and Hermione don’t return for their seventh year at Hogwarts. Instead they must decode Dumbledore’s mission for them from beyond the grave while trying to find and destroy the fragments of Voldemort’s soul that he’s hidden in horcruxes around the country. The path toward victory is strewn with casualties and heartbreak. Even the unshakable trio will find themselves turning against one another. Director David Yates is sticking with the films until the final expelliarmus.

Tron Legacy
Release date: Dec. 17
Tron Legacy is the nerdgasmic sequel to Disney’s 1982 film. Jeff Bridges return as Kevin Flynn, and and Bruce Boxleitner will reprise his roles as Alan Bradley and Tron. Garrett Hedlund will take over as Kevin’s now-adult son, Sam, who gets sucked into the same world his father disappeared into 25 years earlier. (We knew he was alive!) The father/son team join forces and traverse the treacherous cyber terrain, which has become much more sophisticated since we last saw it.

Obviously, a tie-in video game will be released in time for Christmas.

What 2010 fantasy film are you most looking forward to?

• Okay, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice isn’t what I expected at all. The first trailer is out, but can I just say? How in the hell did Nicolas Cage get to be a superstar? He’s annoyed me ever since Peggy Sue Got Married.

• Fringe has cast Peter’s mother (Walter’s wife). But what’s the deal with her age? (Spoiler alert) Incidentally, what happened to Theresa Russell anyway? I thought she was supposed to be a love interest for Walter.

• Maybe new media isn’t quite the king yet after all. Nielsen says 99% of video viewing is done on a traditional TV — and out of 31 hours of weekly TV viewing, only 31 minutes is in DVR/playback mode. Meanwhile, studio executives say that the death of the DVD market is wildly overstated — that it’s mostly due to the recession, and that, regardless, Blu-Ray is making them a bundle.

• A producer of speculative fiction magazines is paying 1/5 of one cent per word — a shockingly low rate. An editor says that obscure credits in magazines no one has heard of won’t help you break through. What do professional writers get paid? Here’s another writer’s more pessimistic take. (This is all complicated by the fact that there is basically no real professional market for short stories anymore, but both writers’ experiences are consistent with my own experience: pay rates for short stories vary wildly, which is why pay is only one of the things you should take into consideration when writing short stories. I’ll write em as a favor to a friend putting together an anthology, but that’s about all.)

• Hmmmm. Universal is bragging via email that The Wolfman, coming in February, received an “R,” for “bloody horror, violence and gore.”

• Despite all the rumors, casting for The Hobbit is just beginning (except for Ian McKellen, returning as Gandalf). Meanwhile, Peter Jackson says disregard those rumors that the film has been delayed.

• Why is sci-fi literature dying while fantasy is flourishing? One writer gives some good reasons.

• Sigourney Weaver really, really likes Avatar:  “It will pick you up and shake you like a little rag doll. I’m not too much of an emotional creature, but I was weeping by the end. I remember reading the script and thinking, I love this but how can he ever do this. Nothing like this has been done before – floating mountains! I think for a certain generation it will change what they want to happen in the cinema. It is as big as sound. I hope it won’t impact every movie, but for the big movies it raises the bar – it throws the bar away.”

• Will a sci-fi picture get a Best Picture nod now that the category will now have ten nominees? Conventional wisdom is that the movie with the strongest shot is Star Trek (which is ridiculous, IMHO), although I think it would be an outrage if District 9 was not a contender, since I thought it was easily one of the best pictures of the year. Where the Wild Things Are is also sometimes mentioned as a possibility, but I think that’s extremely unlikely (if you read this site, you know I think that was one of the worst movies of the year, hands down). The Road and Moon are also mentioned as possibilities.

• Terry Gilliam is interested in Robert Duvall for The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, but as usual, Duvall is all “show me the money!”

• Author Joel Shepherd explains the power of the female protagonist, especially in fantasy: “Given that male leadership is the norm in most societies even today, putting a woman in the role of primary protagonist automatically creates a series of tensions that I don’t get with a male character. In a medieval-level society even more so.”

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