Like you, we’ve gotten caught up in the Olympic hullabaloo over the last two weeks. There’s something about international cooperation and elite athletes and musical montages and Bob Costas’ voice that just fills us with unusual glee.
But as much as we like those things, we can’t help but think they might be improved upon with a little help from the fantasy world. Here are some sports we here at TheTorchOnline.com would really like to see in the 2014 Winter Games:
Panserbjørne Polo — Regular old horse and pony polo doesn’t have a place in the Olympics because, frankly, it’s too elitist and boring for the average citizen of the world. But what about polo carried out in the snowy mountains on the back of an armor-covered bear? Now, that’s exciting! Especially if the player’s dæmons are running interference! We know that, strictly speaking, panserbjørnes aren’t supposed to let humans ride them, but for a chance at international glory (and a shot at landing on the cover of a Wheaties box), we’re pretty sure plenty of bears would participate.
Tesseract Track Speed Skating — If you’ve seen one speed skating race, you’ve seen them all. Oh, sure, the sport tries to keep things fresh by mixing up the distances, but after about three races, we’re begging for a pile up. To add a little adventure to speed skating, we think it should take place in more than one physical plane. After a few laps around the ice, skaters would be forced to wrinkle to another dimension. And then another. And then back to their original track. Keep your balance and wits about you in that kind of race and you deserve to win a medal.
Flux Capacitor Bobsled — Quite similar to the Tesseract Track, but in this sport, teams would strap a flux capacitor to their sleds and be forced to hit 88 miles per hour before the track runs out. Teams will finish in the next Olympics. Not only does it add an element of surprise to the competition (teams won’t be able to study the second half of the track in the future!), it also keeps viewers on the edges of their seat for another four years. It also doubles the potential television coverage. Races are finishing up from the last Olympics, and races are taking off in the current Olympics.
Middle-earth Curling — Did you know that traditional curling stones are made from a specific kind of ailsite that can only be found on Ailsa Craig, off the coast of Scotland? Experts are pretty sure there’s only enough ailsite for about 20 more years of curling. It doesn’t matter much, though, because it’s not a very exciting game. What if, instead of securing ailsite from the Highlands, curling stones were forged in the fire of Mount Doom? With, say, one stone to rule them all, one stone to find them, one stone to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. We’d like that, wouldn’t we Precious? Tricksy little sweepsers, aren’t they? Yes, yes, Precious.
Turkish Delight Cook-off — The standard for Turkish Delight belongs to the White Witch of Narnia, of course. But this blasted cold weather makes us want more, more, more! Every four years, the best chefs in the country should come together and have a bake off to see who can create the most magical version of the dessert. It becomes infinitely more interesting if Tilda Swinton judges the competition on live TV. She would make Gordon Ramsey look like a puppy.
Wonkathon — Our favorite event of the Winter Olympics is the biathlon because it reminds us of Nickelodeon’s Double Dare obstacle course from when we were kids — only a little more dangerous on account of the guns. We think an actual obstacle course would be a good add to the Winter Games, especially if it was designed by Willy Wonka. Chocolate rivers, trippy boat rides, experimental TV equipment, magical animals, Oompa-Loompas: any athlete would be lucky to make it through alive! In addition to the medals, winners of the Wonkathon would receive a lifetime supply of everlasting gobstoppers. Though, if they really are everlasting, you’d probably only need the one.
Lightsaber Skating — Figure skating is a classic favorite. We love it, we really do. But we think we could amp the entertainment value (and athletic prowess) if we turned down the lights and required each skater to compete with lightsaber. The whizzing and twirling and jumping and tossing would be even more artistic (and awesomely dangerous) with the added equipment. Plus, the sport suddenly becomes marketable. What child would leave the arena without a lightsaber of his or her own from the souvenir stand? What adult, for that matter?
Quidditch Tournament — We’ve got nothing to add to J.K. Rowling’s magical competition. We’d just like to see it in the Olympics is all.
Now, be honest — would you rather watch the IOC’s version of the Olympics or our version of The Olympics?
![[Bloglines]](http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/bloglines.png)
![[Digg]](http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/digg.png)
![[Facebook]](http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/facebook.png)
![[Fark]](http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/fark.png)
![[Google]](http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/google.png)
![[Squidoo]](http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/squidoo.png)
![[StumbleUpon]](http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/stumbleupon.png)
![[Technorati]](http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/technorati.png)
![[Twitter]](http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/twitter.png)
![[Windows Live]](http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/windowslive.png)
![[Yahoo!]](http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/yahoo.png)
![[Email]](http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/email.png)
Arrr! Deadwood’s Ian McShane 
One of the shows on the aforementioned list is a possible 
And you convinced yet that Dominic Monaghan is one terrific actor?
Q: Do you ever see conspiracies on the online boards and think, “Oh, wow, you’re so wrong.”
You’ve got work out your challenges in your job and set your mind on that goal. I know I can act, I know that I’m capable of acting, so really that as a challenge isn’t as complicated for me as navigating my way through the pigeonholes that people want to put me in.
But he is misremembering. In the DVD commentary, Peter Jackson calls the scene a “visual trick,” pointing out that, “Very briefly, Christopher Lee’s eyes are actually glued onto Ian McKellen’s face…You also hear Christopher Lee’s voice — it’s blended in with Ian’s. We did want people, at least the uninitiated, to think that this possibly was Saruman.”
A: The Oracle would strongly agree with The Lord of the Rings and Earthsea, but would also enthusiastically add A Song of Fire and Ice by George R. R. Marin, the first Kushiel trilogy by Jaqueline Carey, and (yes) The Chronicles of Narnia and The First and Second Chronicles of Thomas Covenant (but not the third trilogy, which is almost unreadable).
Q: Another question: what is fantasy? For me, it’s not just supernatural. Magic has to be part of that reality. For example, The Dragonriders of Pern series isn’t strictly “fantasy” to me — the planet has spaceflight. Though the dragons can traverse space and even time, my memory is that this ability is never framed as magical, and no other magic seems to exist. — Robert
Is Avatar unconsciously racist (or at least racially insensitive)? The argument is that the story of minority-liberation is told, yet again, from the POV of a member of the “white” majority; racial minorities are allowed to be sort of “side-heroes” in their own story, but they really exist only to motivate the main character, who is the one who does all the changing. It’s a compelling argument, but I agree with 
The incredible resurgence of the fantasy genre, which began in the 1980s and gathered steam in the 1990s, exploded in the 00s.
Many beloved fantasy films (and these days, television series as well) are adapted from novels and comic books, and it’s almost unheard of that a story will be reflected on the screen precisely as it’s described on the page.
Did the writers go too far? The reaction is split, and while almost everyone can agree that the films were a success, there still remains a faction of rabid fanboys who have turned their back on the movies (often after watching them many times to find out just why they hate them.)
John Rhys-Davies, the actor who so memorably played Gimli the dwarf in The Lord of the Rings movie trilogy, has declined to play the role of Gloin, Gimli’s father, in the upcoming two-part movie version of The Hobbit, according to 
Although the characters in the film aren’t aware of this switch, and continue on in their respective paths, we in the audience are clued in to the fact that this won’t be your traditional action/horror film. In fact, Eisenberg’s character, Columbus, in a moment of meta-consciousness, even refers to himself as “sort of a Sancho Panza-type.”
In fantasy literature, perhaps one of the greatest examples of a sidekick rising up to the level of hero is Samwise Gamgee from The Lord of the Rings. Like Sancho, Sam is neither slim nor very smart, and for most of the story, Sam exists to cook food for Frodo and keep up his spirits, all the while contentedly walking behind his master on their epic quest.
But as for my favorite sidekick? That would have to go to Ron Weasley, the bumbling poor kid who was just another Weasley sibling until he met up with Harry Potter in their first year at Hogwarts.
Peter Jackson’s production of The Hobbit is back “safe” on the forest path.