Before Buffy ever picked up her first stake, before Sookie realized she couldn’t read Bill’s mind, before Bella … did whatever it is she does  … there was Sam Emerson, who had to deal with his brother’s slow transformation into a vampire.

Sam was played, of course, by Corey Haim, who was a teen heartthrob in the ’80s alongside fellow Corey, Corey Feldman. (The two even starred in a reality show together a few years back titled, naturally, The Two Coreys.)

As with many child stars, the transition to adulthood was difficult to bear, and Corey Haim stopped landing lead roles in films. Sadly, his life ended yesterday at 38 years old.

Needless to say, it’s incredibly sad when anyone passes away decades before their time, and our condolences go out to his friends and family. But seeing as how we are, in fact, a fantasy entertainment website, I believe it’s appropriate to celebrate Corey Haim’s life by reflecting on what was probably his best film, The Lost Boys.

I was only in my single digits in the ’80s, so my knowledge of that decade is mostly archaeological in nature, but I do remember big hair, stretchy clothes, and lots of bright colors. All this and more can be found in The Lost Boys, which is at once a great, kick-ass horror movie, and something of a time capsule.

Boys was ahead of its time in that it was a horror movie that was truly, truly scary, yet also possessed a sly and not-too-subtle sense of humor. Nine years before Scream, the filmmakers managed to strike that perfect balance of frightening and funny.

Corey Haim, who in a Hollywood rarity was playing a teenager when he was actually a teenager himself, is the anchor of the film, and in fact the audience surrogate: he’s the normal guy surrounded by vampires, vampire hunters, and a half-vampire brother.

His performance was, above else, very funny, and to have such a self-aware understanding of comedy at such a young age is a rare thing.

The movie itself has aged particularly well, no easy feat for effects-heavy genres like vampire flicks. It helps that a lot of strong performers round out the rest of the cast, particularly Keifer Sutherland as the terrifying vampire baddie David. In the fourteen years between Lost Boys and 24, Sutherland would make a name for himself playing psychos and criminals, so his turn-around as uber-good guy Jack Bauer was a real surprise.

It’s interesting to note how much the vampire genre has changed since The Lost Boys. These days, the case can be made that it’s a female-dominated field, with the aforementioned Buffy, Sookie, and Bella leading the way in vamp-franchises Buffy the Vampire Slayer, True Blood, and Twilight. In Boys, however, it’s only, well, boys doing the heavy lifting.

But gender politics aside, The Lost Boys remains one of my favorite vampire movies of all time. It’s got a rockin’ soundtrack, a great retro feel (although it didn’t when it came out, obviously), some spectacular aerial vampire fighting, and a promising and precocious star in Corey Haim.

It was a great performance, Mr. Haim. We’ll miss you.

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Okay, we all know that we are in the midst of a veritable explosion of movies based on Greek Myths. Percy Jackson, Clash of the Titans, Dawn of War … heck, we’ve talked about it before.

Twice, actually.

But I’m going to put it out there: I’m a mega-geek when it comes to Greek myths. Seriously. And I have a few ideas on what myths are still out there, waiting to be adapted, that can be turned into tomorrow’s blockbuster. (And guess what, Hollywood? They’re all in the public domain!)

So here we go …

#1: The Attic War, aka The Amazonamachy

One of the myths closest to my heart is that of Theseus, and his adventures both with the Minotaur, and later in life. Though his Minotaurian exploits are about to be turned into movie magic — finally – with Dawn of War, Theseus had a very rich life afterward, as well. Following his victory in Crete, Theseus then set his heart on winning the hand of Antiope (or by some accounts, Hippolyta), the queen of the Amazons.

There are several accounts of what happened afterward, but my favorite is the version in which the Amazon nation laid siege to Athens in an attempt to reclaim their queen. Though the ending doesn’t mesh with my feminist ideals — Antiope and, indeed, the rest of the Amazons, were destroyed — come on! What an epic battle! Athenians vs. Amazons! We haven’t seen the likes of this since the Pelennor Fields.

Fantasy Casting: Andy Whitfield as Theseus

#2: Eros and Psyche

Because of the legendary nature of Greek mythology, cinematic adaptations tend towards the uber-epic, and almost every movie is an actioner. But every now and then, Greek myths produced some seriously romantic stuff, and none more so than the story of the young woman Psyche, who was the object of affection for Eros, the son of Aphrodite, the often-bitchy goddess of love.

Psyche was a mortal whose beauty rivaled that of Aphrodite, so the jealous goddess asked her son to use his arrows of love to make Psyche fall in love with a hideous beast. The problem? Psyche was such a super-hottie that Eros fell madly in love with her.

This set Psyche on a quest to win her beloved god, and the major obstacle in her way was none other than Aphrodite. This would be a rare opportunity for a Greek myth movie to showcase two female leads as nemeses, and look super sexy while doing it.

Fantasy Casting: Michelle Pfeiffer as Aphrodite

#3: Hunt for the Calydonian Boar

While we’re on the subject of female leads, the legendary Atalanta was probably history’s first female action hero, a young woman who hunted as well as any man, if not better. She was invited by the prince Meleager to participate in the all-male hunt for the monstrous boar that was terrorizing the city of Calydon.

She was the first hunter to wound the boar, thus allowing Meleager to deliver the killing blow. When he offered her the prize for being responsible for its slaying, the men in the hunting party rebelled, and all hell broke loose.

This would be a great opportunity for a Xena-like character to appear on screen, and since we’re not going to be seeing a Xena movie, well, ever … the story of Atalanta can perhaps fill that void.

Fantasy Casting: Jessica Biel as Atalanta

#4: The Titanomachy, or Olympians vs. Titans

Long before the appearance of human beings, the world was a prize being fought over between the old race of the Titans, led by the villainous Kronos, and the younger race of Olympians, led by Kronos’ son, Zeus.

This battle lasted ten years, the exact length of time that the game-changing Trojan War also lasted, and it decided the fate of the world, specifically that it would be led by the younger, more human race of Olympian gods, as opposed to the primeval Titans.

The Titanomachy is really a metaphor for any younger generation taking the place of the previous one, but as far as epic warfare goes, it can’t be beaten. If the more well-known Greek myths are The Lord of the Rings, then the Titanomachy is The Silmarillion. It would be epic film-making the likes of which have never before been seen.

Fantasy Casting: Christian Bale as Zeus (Seriously)

#5: Hippolytus

I’ve already mentioned the marriage of Theseus and Antiope, but did you know that their union produced a son? A very noble son named Hippolytus, who pledged his life to Artemis, the goddess of virginity and the hunt, and in her name abstained from love. This eventually led to his undoing by the wicked goddess Aphrodite, who was furious that he spurned her in favor of the virgin goddess.

Aphrodite cursed his step-mother, Phaedra, to fall in love with him, which resulted in her hanging herself and his father banishing him, and invoking the god Poseidon to destroy him. This is truly the stuff of tragedy.

But there’s a beauty in that tragedy, and Hippolytus is a story that should be told, for much of the plot deals with one of the most fundamental questions of humanity: are our lives in our own hands, or are they governed by the gods?

And … just putting this out there … if Hollywood is looking for a cleverly alternative take on the Hippolytus myth, may I suggest adapting a play called The Wrath of Aphrodite by a young playwright named Tim O’Leary? Not that I have an investment in that or anything. Just thought I’d bring it up.

Fantasy Casting: Rafi Gavron as Hippolytus

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• Best of both worlds? The Spider-man team met with the Avatar team to discuss filming the next episode of the webslinger saga in 3-D.

• Speaking of Avatar, here’s a fun little story about how the power of love changed the ending of one particular screening of the movie on Valentine’s Day.

• And in case this just wasn’t enough Avatar news for you blue-cat-monkey-people lovers, James Cameron is planning to write a prequel to the blockbuster … in the form of a novel.

• In the never-ending avalanche of both remakes and franchises, this article speaks of the efforts to turn Dean Koontz’s Frankenstein novels into a series of films. Anyone excited about this? Hands?

• I know everyone out there is just dying for more vampire stories, something our culture is almost completely deprived of, so thank the powers that be that The Vampire Diaries has been picked up for another season. The article is informative, but I found calling the CW the “C-Dub” and the show’s performance its “perf” to be just on this side of obnoxious.

• And while we’re on the subject of vampires (don’t you love these segues?), here’s another potential 3-D story for you. Turns out that the masterminds behind the Twilight saga are trying to figure out if they want to project Taylor Lautner’s glorious six-pack abs into the third dimension.

• What’s that, you say? Can’t get enough of Megan Fox’s bust? Well, neither can a lot of people, but fortunately, you can soon own it when these busts are released as a tie-in to the Jonah Hex movie. Horndogs everywhere, you’re welcome.

• I’ll just own this: Lord of the Rings is my favorite fantasy story of all time, and I own all the various incarnations of DVD’s, including the pretty craptastic Ralph Bakshi cartoon. LOTR was the book/movie/video game series that made me a fantasy fanboy, and it will always have a special place in my heart. Therefore, I get majorly psyched when someone with the same love in their hearts busts out the elbow grease and makes a fan film such as Born of Hope. May I suggest a trip to their website? The trailer is below:

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2010 is shaping up to be an exciting year for fantasy fans. There are at least 15 films slated for release this year, and we’ve got a full preview!

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: Lightning Thief
Release date: Feb. 12
Based on the best-selling series by Rick Riordan, Lightning Thief tells the story of Percy Jackson, an American teenager afflicted with ADHD and dyslexia, who discovers on a school field trip that he is the son of Poseidon. (You know, the god of sea and earthquakes. The angriest of the Big Three.) Percy’s mission is to find Zeus’ stolen lightning bolt and prevent a civil war from breaking out among the gods — who, by the way, have moved Olympus from the mythical mountain to the mythical 600th floor of The Empire State Building. Percy also has to rescue his mother from the Underworld, and — presumably — wrestle with the tourists that swarm The Empire State building every Valentine’s Day.

The Wolfman
Release date: Feb. 12
The Wolfman has a long, proud history of scarring the crap out of anyone willing to leave home on the night when the wolfbane blooms. The film has been remade five times since its 1924 debut, and each time it falls firmly in the “horror” category. In this incarnation, Oscar winners Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins team up as Lawrence Talbot and Sir John Talbot, a haunted father and son team searching for their missing brother/son. Lawrence finds himself falling in love with his brother’s fiance, and then falling under the spell of the full moon. We’re holding out hope for a special guest appearance by Michael J. Fox, surfing by the sleepy Victorian hamlet of Blackmoor on top of a van.

Alice in Wonderland
Release date: Mar. 5
In Tim Burton’s vividly re-imagined Alice in Wonderland, Alice falls down the rabbit hole at the age of 19. She doesn’t remember ever having been to Wonderland before, but you can bet your shrinking potion that Helena Bonham Carter’s Red Queen remembers her. Alice reunites with the White Rabbit, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the Dormouse, the Caterpillar, the Cheshire Cat, and of course, the Mad Hatter. (Played by Michael Sheen, Matt Lucas, Barbara Windsor, Alan Rickman, Stephen Fry and Johnny Depp, respectively.) The teaser trailer promised stunning visuals and the second trailer actually hinted at an engaging plot. Disney will be offering the film in their patented Digital 3D, just in case you missed out on attending a rave when you were in college.

Season of the Witch
Release Date: Mar. 19
Nicholas Cage plays a battle-worn and weary Crusader who returns to Europe for supplies, only to find himself recruited by a dying Cardinal. His mission is to escort a young woman to a remote abbey where she will stand trial for being a witch. Only this peasant is not your run of the mill Salem sorcerer; no, this witch is responsible for The Black Plague. Can Cage decode the map on the back of the Magna Carta in time to discover the secret message on the inside of King Arthur’s chalice in time to unlock the sacred chisel with which he must carve the answers to the world’s toughest Sudoku? And can he do it in time to save the entire continent from death? Oh, these are the Dark Ages indeed!

Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang
Release date: Mar. 25
As the star, screenwriter and producer of this sequel, Emma Thompson has made Nanny McPhee her pet project. The film’s official description reads “A group of children are evacuated from the city to a farm during wartime, where they encounter Nanny McPhee, the magic-wielding governess.” So, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe meets Mary Poppins. Unfortunately, Thompson was so preoccupied with the role, that she couldn’t find time to return as Professor Trelawney in the final installment of Harry Potter. It’s a hard pill to swallow considering that Ralph Fiennes (Lord Voldemort himself) is headlining Thompson’s Big Bang.

Clash of the Titans
Release date: Mar. 26
Another remake of a beloved fantasy classic, Clash of the Titans follows Perseus (born of a god, raised by a man) as he risks his life for the right to marry Princess Andromeda. He must battle Medusa and the Kraken monster as he follows his quest to forbidden worlds to defeat Hades (Ralph Fiennes) before the King of the Underworld can unseat Zeus (Liam Neeson). We don’t mind the remakes, as long as Clash of the Titans doesn’t fall victim to Hollywood’s latest fantasy craze: refusing to properly conclude a story, just in case the studio decides to fund a sequel. The only respectable exception would be the appearance of Kinopio Toad: “We’re sorry Perseus, but your Princess is in another castle.”

The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Release date: May 7
Poor Peter and Susan Pevensie, kicked out of Narnia for learning to shave and discovering makeup. But Edward and Lucy, played by Skandar Keynes and Georgie Henley (arguably the more talented of the four child stars who relaunched The Chronicles of Narnia) are back, and they’re bringing Prince Caspian with them. Unfortunately, they’re also bringing Narnia’s own Cousin Oliver, Eustace Clarence Scrubb. (We’re counting on Reepicheep to drown him out. Or just drown him.) Dawn Treader will follow the plot of C.S. Lewis’ original story: The younger Pevensies join forces with Caspian as he sails to the edge of the world, battling dufflepuds, slave traders, dragons, merfolk, and plenty of Christian symbolism along the way.

Iron Man 2
Release date: May 7
Robert Downey Jr’s celebrated Tony Stark is back in the second part of the Iron Man trilogy. This time, the whole world knows that the industrialist inventor is the man in the armored suit. The military, the American government and the media are all pushing him to share his technology with the world, but Stark knows enough about humanity to realize it’s a terrible idea. Don Cheadle will be taking over for Terrance Howard as James “Rhodey” Rhodes. And Gwyneth Paltrow will return as Pepper Potts. Unfortunately Pepper drives Stark to the brink of alcoholism when she gets a new boyfriend. Apparently even bazillionaires need a reminder that you shouldn’t operate heavy machinery while under the influence.

Robin Hood
Release date: May 14
When Russell Crowe’s Robin Hood hits theaters, it will be the tenth time the story has been adapted for the big screen. This incarnation follows the more traditional version of the story: Robin of Loxley, Earl of Huntington, returns to London after fighting in the Crusades to find that his village has been plundered at the hands of the Sheriff of Nottingham (Matthew Macfadyen). So, Robin forms a group of rough and tumble Merry Men to steal back their money and their land, and win the heart of Maid Marian (Cate Blanchett). Of course, the real question is whether or not the soundtrack can hope to compete with Bryan Adams’ “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)” from 1991’s Prince of Thieves. We’re guessing probably not.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Release date: May 28
A movie based on a video game? Why not; it worked for Angelina Jolie! In Prince of Persia, Jake Gyllenhaal plays Dastan, an Aladdin-like street-urchin in Medieval Persia. After showing unique valor in battle, the King adopts Dastan and sends him off to reclaim the Sands of Time (a gift from the gods that, um, controls the sands of time). Prince of Persia is the fourth Disney/Bruckheimer collaboration, and if the team’s other films (all three Pirates of the Caribbean) are any indication, it should enjoy plenty of mainstream success. And cross-promotion with Happy Meals. And Legos. And graphic novels. And, of course, another video game.

Jonah Hex
Release date: June 18
D.C. is auctioning off its lesser-known heroes right and left these days. Jonah Hex is a caustic, curmudgeonly, former Confederate States Army soldier whose face is scarred almost beyond recognition. He’s got all of the swagger of Clint Eastwood, without any of the charm. Josh Brolin stars as Hex in the movie adaptation, along with John Malkovich as Quentin Turnbull (the bad guy), and Megan Fox as a trigger-happy prostitute. Er, trigger-happy with the guns. Actual guns. Revolvers. Turnbull’s plan is a Civil War do-over, and Hex has been hired as the bounty hunter who must shut him down. The plot sounds almost as plausible as Malkovich with a southern accent. We totally buy Megan Fox’s role, though.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Release date: June 30
We haven’t really heard much about this movie. It’s apparently some kind of adaptation of a vampire romance novel. There may have been some movies before this one, but they must have flopped at the box office. From what we’ve heard, there’s a vampire with some wicked crazy hair, and a werewolf who refuses to wear a shirt, and a helpless girl who sits in her room listening to emo music and writing fan fiction about herself. We also heard something about sparkles and middle-aged women wearing t-shirts to support either the wicked hair or the abs. If any other information becomes available, we’ll let you know. This thing will probably go straight to DVD, though.

The Last Airbender
Release date: July 2
M. Night Shyamalan directing a Nickelodeon movie? Who’d have guessed it? (Us, actually. M. Night Shyamalan sees dollar signs.) The Last Airbender is a live-action adaptation of the super popular Nick cartoon series Avatar: The Last Airbender. The premise of the cartoon is that Earth, Fire, Water and Air can be controlled by “benders.”  Aang is the Avatar, and the last surviving member of Air Nomads. His purpose is to restore balance and overthrow the Fire Nation’s Admiral Zhao, but first he must learn to focus and bend all of the elements. Fortunately, the creators of the series left out the fifth element, Heart. That poor kid with the Heart ring on Captain Planet had the lamest superpower ever.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Release date: July 16
Nicholas Cage is back with more fantasy, this time in a live-action adaptation of the “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” scene from Disney’s Fantasia. (You remember? Mickey and those crazy mops!) Cage plays Balthazar Blake, a master sorcerer who sets out to protect his city from an evil wizard. He recruits a young apprentice, Dave Stutler (Jay Baruchel) to help him. After a crash-course in magic (and what could possibly go wrong when you put those two words together?), Stutler joins Blake’s quest in a Disney-esque battle of Good versus Evil. The film looks to be a lot less trippy than the actual “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” from Fantasia. So if you’re looking for a mind-bend, you’ll have to watch Burton’s Alice in Wonderland on DVD.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1
Release date: Nov 17
If you thought Dumbledore’s death was tragic, wait until the first five minutes of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, when Harry’s beloved and loyal companion, Hedwig, gets (spoiler alert) blasted out of the sky. As promised, Harry, Ron and Hermione don’t return for their seventh year at Hogwarts. Instead they must decode Dumbledore’s mission for them from beyond the grave while trying to find and destroy the fragments of Voldemort’s soul that he’s hidden in horcruxes around the country. The path toward victory is strewn with casualties and heartbreak. Even the unshakable trio will find themselves turning against one another. Director David Yates is sticking with the films until the final expelliarmus.

Tron Legacy
Release date: Dec. 17
Tron Legacy is the nerdgasmic sequel to Disney’s 1982 film. Jeff Bridges return as Kevin Flynn, and and Bruce Boxleitner will reprise his roles as Alan Bradley and Tron. Garrett Hedlund will take over as Kevin’s now-adult son, Sam, who gets sucked into the same world his father disappeared into 25 years earlier. (We knew he was alive!) The father/son team join forces and traverse the treacherous cyber terrain, which has become much more sophisticated since we last saw it.

Obviously, a tie-in video game will be released in time for Christmas.

What 2010 fantasy film are you most looking forward to?

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Wherever there’s fandom chatter, people always want to talk about which fantasy series is better: Harry Potter or Twilight. (Answer: Potter, obviously.) But one thing no one ever talks about is how much harder it is to be a Harry Potter fan, especially when it comes to the films. While New Line is cranking out a fresh Twilight movie every six weeks, Potter fans are forced to survive on a diet of sparsely-served set photos for months (or even years!) at a time.

So, what’s a Potter fan to do as we wait for the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1? Well, you could always reread the books for the tenth time. Or, you could apply for a job as a fry cook at soon-to-open Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

Or, you could fashion yourself some Potter-themed games to pass the days until December 8th. Here are our suggestions:

Hogwarts-opoly — Turn any Monopoly board into a race to buy up properties in Diagon Alley! Steer clear of Azkaban, and don’t forget to pass Gringotts and collect your 19 Galleons, 14 Sickles and 18 Knuts!

Harry Potter Clue — Maybe you only thought you knew who did it. Was it Voldemort in Godric’s Hollow with the Horcrux? Was it really? Maybe it was Malfoy in the Whomping Willow with the Sword of Griyffindor (as if he could pull that from the Sorting Hat!). Or Hermione in The Leaky Cauldron with the Elder Wand. So many possibilities. (And think of the cross-over fan fic: Malfoy/Miss Scarlet anyone?)

Connect Gryffindor — A Neville-Hermione-Dumbledore-Lavender is  just as good as a Dean-Hagrid-Ginny-McGonagall! Just work your way around those pesky Slytherins. You should be an old pro at that by now!

Do you have any other ideas for ways to pass the time until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?

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One Torch (Out of Five)

Mention the word “vampire,” and watch eyes roll. It’s no secret we’re in a period of overload when it comes to undead properties, so why anyone would greenlight such a mediocre film as Daybreakers is beyond me.

In a way, though, I suppose it was inevitable. It was only a matter of time before someone shook an angry fist to the sky and cried, “No, dammit! Vampires are not sexy! They don’t sparkle, they don’t drip of genteel southern manners, they don’t want to make tender, angsty, emo love to you! They’re not a metaphor for the anguish of the human condition! They just want to freakin’ kill you and drink your blood!”

I’m all for putting a pair of fangs on the current trend of sensitive vampires, but unfortunately, when someone finally did it, they made Daybreakers. It’s a film that offers nothing unique, instead playing as a mash-up of tired, cliche vampire tropes and small pieces of far, far better movies.

So derivative and unoriginal is this film that they even went as far as naming their vampire protagonist Edward, the same name as Robert Pattinson’s romantic lead in the soapy vampire series Twilight. They couldn’t even take the time to come up with a new name? Just look in the phone book.

Edward, played by Ethan Hawke, is a joyless vampire who lives in a future in which most of humanity has been turned into vampires, and living humans are scarce and constantly on the run. He is sullen and morose and feels bad for the humans, a Louis to the rest of the world’s Lestat, an Angel to the rest of the world’s Spike and Drusilla, a … you see where I’m going with this?

The film does have a small success in creating a vision of a total vampire society, and the sight of dozens upon dozens of human beings being harvested for blood is genuinely chilling. Sam Neil is decent as the villain (although he’ll always be the Jurassic Park guy to me) and Willem Dafoe does what he can to entertain as the human-turned-vampire-turned-human gunslinger, Elvis. But not even the Green Goblin can save this dud.

We may not be in a world overrun by vampires, but we are in a world overrun by vampire stories, so the only way to make one stand out is to make it unique. Unfortunately, Daybreakers is as story-by-numbers as you get.

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A few months ago, the heirs of Jack Kirby, the iconic Golden Age-era Marvel Comics artist who first drew the likes of Spider-man, the X-Men, and the Fantastic Four, made a big fuss that the rights to all of the artist’s properties would be reverting to them in a very near future, sending notified letters to the company letting them know the deal.

It was recently announce that Marvel is now suing the heirs, professing that their claim to the characters is bogus. In short, Marvel got served by Kirby’s heirs, so then Marvel served them right back, and now, as per the rules, it’s on.

But lest you get worried that this may have an effect on any of the upcoming Marvel films, fear not. Just as we all knew that The Hobbit would eventually get made despite the legal red tape, and none of us believe that crazy lady can really withdraw the rights to Sherlock Holmes if Robert Downey Jr. continues to joke that he’s gay, can anyone really believe that the family of Jack Kirby can take on one of the mightiest entertainment companies in the world (Marvel is owned by Disney, now, remember) and actually win? Unlikely.

Marvel also released a statement explaining that the characters were “made for hire” by Kirby, therefore they belong to Marvel since they were created as part of the job. Sorry, Kirby kids. This looks dead in the water.

Nice try, though.

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“The last time God lost faith in man, he sent a flood. This time, he sent Angels.”

And you thought global warming was scary.

Legion, which hits theaters this month, is about the Apocalypse coming in the form of angels declaring war on mankind. Pretty awesome stuff, but hardly ground-breaking.

Tales of mankind facing off against angels are as old as, well, the Old Testament, but a resurgence of interest in the kick-ass celestial choir means that we may be on the verge of a new trend.

Are angels the next vampire?

As perhaps the most popular work in the public domain, the Bible has long been an influence on fiction, and it would be impossible to pinpoint the exact origin of this new wave of interest in angels, but certainly a large contributor would have to be the ’90s comic series Preacher, by Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon.

Preacher tells the story of Jesse Custer, a small-town Southern preacher who finds himself on a mission to confront God after he is possessed by an entity called Genesis, the product of an unholy union between a demon and an angel. The series was shockingly violent and profane, and seemed to go out of its way to offend anyone with even the slightest attachment to Judaism or Christianity.

And yet you have to give Garth Ennis credit for his audacity and courage to write a series in which God is a coward and angels are foul-mouthed alcoholic losers.

Kevin Smith, of Clerks fame, was an outspoken fan of Preacher, and concocted a Man vs. Angels tale of his own in the 1999 film Dogma. The film is a send-up of Catholicism in almost every way imaginable, and stars Matt Damon and Ben Affleck as two rogue angels who have been cast out of Heaven by God’s command.

However, they find a loophole that will allow them to return to Heaven when a bishop declares that walking through a church threshold will absolve all sins. The problem? It turns out all of existence is founded on the idea that God is infallible, and to prove God wrong means the end of all that is.

Though the movie hasn’t aged that well, it’s worth a watch for the great performances, particularly Chris Rock as Rufus, the 13th apostle, and the always dependable Alan Rickman as the Metatron, an angel who acts as the voice of God.

Another gem from the ’90s was the Prophecy films, starring Christopher Walken as the renegade angel Gabriel. The film features — what else? — the apocalypse being very seriously nigh, and all hell is about to break loose, particularly when Viggo Mortensen shows up as the most seductive Lucifer to ever appear on screen.

While the early part of this decade was all quiet on the angel front, that changed in a big way with the surprisingly underrated Supernatural, which readers of this site surely know is one of the best television fantasies that’s airing right now, and features a wide array of angels and demons duking it out for world domination.

And according to this article, angels may be taking over the teen-romance burden currently being shouldered by vampires. God help us. (See what I did there?)

Personally, I’m rooting for the sword-and-guts angels over the swoony-puppy-love variety, and it’s clear the makers of Legion are on my side. Here’s the trailer:

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Is there another movie franchise that’s the subject of as much speculation as The Hobbit? It seems that every day there’s another rumor about who’s been cast, when the movie’s coming out, what problems are rising up, you name it.

We understand, Peter Jackson. Your job is not easy. And since we here at TheTorchOnline.com are nothing if not selfless, we’re going to do you a big favor.

Just as we did for the upcoming Conan, we’re going to cast your movie for you. (Mostly. We’re only doing one dwarf — Thorin Oakenshield — otherwise we’d be here all day.)

Now, even though there’s a few different versions of whether the roles of Gandalf and Elrond are cast, I think we can pretty much bet that Ian McKellan and Hugo Weaving are going to be donning their wigs once again, so I don’t really see a need to speculate about those roles.

Without further ado, let’s get the biggest one out of the way first.

Bilbo Baggins - Hugh Dancy

I’ll admit to being a little surprised when word came out that Elijah Wood had been cast as Frodo Baggins way back when. Certainly, he was not how I imagined a hobbit to look — too thin, too young, too modern, and quite frankly, too good-looking. Aren’t hobbits supposed to be appear as pudgy, middle-aged men? But then realization set in: if you’re going to hang a billion-dollar movie franchise on a single star, that star is going to inevitably be someone people enjoy looking at. In that vein, I nominate Hugh Dancy. Having seen Dancy perform on screen and on stage in a variety of roles, it’s clear to me his good looks are matched by his incredibly versatile acting ability, and he’s truly a performer capable of breathing life into Bilbo Baggins. (And check out that hair! Hobbit hair! You’ll save on wigs, PJ.)

Thorin Oakenshield - Brian Cox

It seems, ironically, that in order to pull off a true dwarf warrior, you need a giant, strapping man. (See John Rhys-Davies in The Lord of the Rings.) Cox is veteran performer, capable of great onscreen presence, and knows how to work an over-the-top scene like few else, as he did in X2: X-Men United, Troy, Deadwood, etc. Who wouldn’t love to see him strut his stuff as a four-foot-tall warrior?

Bard the Bowman - Stuart Townsend

Okay, I have to admit, I’m not being impartial. Having worked as an actor, I know the sting of almost getting that great role. There are conflicting stories about what exactly happened with LOTR, but what we do know is this: Stuart Townsend had the role of Aragorn, then he lost it. Now, to be fair, he was replaced by Viggo Mortensen, and the world is a better place for it thanks to Viggo’s pitch-perfect Aragorn. But how about we throw Townsend a bone with the smaller, slightly Aragorn-esque role of Bard?

Beorn - Joel Edgerton

The fearsome shape-shifter Beorn could change into a large black bear at will, and aided Bilbo and the party of dwarves, even participating in the Battle of Five Armies. Joel Edgerton, on the other hand, looks like a bear. So there you go.

Thranduil - Luke Goss

When Bilbo and company head into Mirkwood, they are captured by the Elvenking, Thranduil, and thrown in the dungeon. The father of Legolas, Thranduil is seen as a much more imposing figure than Orlando Bloom’s agile elf. And who wasn’t impressed by Luke Goss’s performance as Prince Nuada in Hellboy 2, in which he proved you can be beautiful and repulsive at the same time?

Smaug the Dragon - Bill O’Reilly

Andy Serkis who? If you really want the motion-capture performance of a lifetime, just strap those little ping-pong balls on this dude and put a camera in front of him. You don’t have to give him a script. In fact, you don’t even have to tell him it’s for a movie. Just tell him to do what comes naturally, and watch the wicked, greedy dragon Smaug come to life before your very eyes.

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The incredible resurgence of the fantasy genre, which began in the 1980s and gathered steam in the 1990s, exploded in the 00s.

Nowhere is this more obvious than in the amazing success of The Lord of the Rings movie franchise, the three movies of which were all released this decade:  The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Two Towers (2002), and The Return of the King (2003).

By any measure, the movies were an unparalleled success. Together, they make up the most financially successful movie trilogy of all time, grossing almost  $3 billion worldwide and beating out both Star Wars trilogies (although the original Star Wars trilogy out-grosses Rings when adjusted for inflation).

The films received rave reviews, and currently hold a cumulative 94% “fresh” on the RottenTomatoes.com compilation of film reviews — an extraordinary rating for a single film, much less three.

The films were nominated for 30 Academy Awards and won 17 — the most for any trilogy and another extraordinary achievement, especially given that all three films were nominated for Best Picture. The Return of the King ties the record (with Ben-Hur) for the most awards won by a single movie (11).

Even so, plenty of movie critics were somehow able to convince themselves to ignore the obvious in their own “best of the decade” lists — probably due to a combined suspicion of both massive box office success and genre projects in general.

But early in December, Entertainment Weekly acknowledged the truth, naming the movies the Best of the Decade.

Interestingly, in other end-of-the-decade news, Harry Potter dominated the bestselling book list for the decade, holding six of the top ten spots. Fantasy (in the form of the Twilight books) holds three of the other ten slots, with a fantasy-esque book, The Da Vinci Code, holding the last spot.

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Three Torches (Out of Five)

It could’ve been a whole lot worse.

When I saw the previews for the new Guy Ritchie-directed movie adaptation of Sherlock Holmes, I thought, “Oh, good God, they’ve turned him into a Matrix-like action hero!”

The truth is, the scenes where Holmes uses his understanding of anatomy to pummel an opponent in slow, perfectly-choreographed motion are a very small part of the film (distracting and unnecessary though they may be).

No, this movie more or less hews closely to the Sherlock Holmes we know and love: the anti-social detective (Robert Downey Jr.) who, along with his hapless companion Dr. Watson (Jude Law), draws sweeping, eerily-accurate conclusions from the most mundane, maybe even ridiculous of details.

This time out, Holmes and Watson are up against Lord Blackwood, the leader of an evil cult that’s terrorizing London (despite the fact that he was recently executed — and Dr. Watson was the one who declared him dead!). Has he really somehow unlocked a secret power of the universe?

The movie has beefed up the humorous “bromance” relationship between Watson and Holmes, who resents his faithful companion for moving out to get married. Meanwhile, Holmes is involved in a tempestuous relationship of his own with Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams), a beautiful con artist who once outsmarted him.

Still, this is a Joel Silver movie, and he’s the producer of The Matrix, Die Hard, Speeder Racer, and a zillion other action movies both good and bad.

That means it looks great — I’m not sure I’ve seen a more convincing 19th century London — but that “story” gets short-shrift.

Frankly, the reason why I like mysteries is that you tell yourself that if you pay attention very closely, you can figure it all out before the main character does — and even if you don’t, you can still enjoy that moment when it all comes together, and you say to yourself, “How did I miss that?! It’s so obvious in retrospect!”

Forget that. The mystery here is strictly boiler-plate. Meanwhile, the villain is absolutely by-the-numbers in every way, clearly just a place-holder until we get to the “real” villain in the next entry in this would-be movie franchise.

And while I thought Law was hilarious as a particularly put-upon Watson, I found Robert Downey Jr.’s performance to be way too Method Actor-y, all quirky and brooding. And not for one second did I ever buy that McAdams is half as smart as her character is suppose to be.

Sherlock Holmes is not the total disaster I feared it to be. But it’s also not nearly as fun as it could’ve been.

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Two and a Half Torches (Out of Five)

Put a fork in Terry Gilliam. I think his career as a major film director is done.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, his most eagerly awaited film in years because it happened to be the last movie Heath Ledger ever made, is also his most inaccessible, and not in a good way.

Once word gets out, it will almost certainly be a massive box office flop (despite the Heath Ledger buzz). And since the budget was somewhere between $25 and $45 million, I have a hard time believing that any investor will be willing to indulge him again, especially considering his history of making expensive, often self-indulgent failed films.

And this is a total shame, for two reasons.

First, I’m a huge Gilliam fan, who is responsible for several of my all-time favorite fantasy films: Time Bandits and The Adventures of Baron Maunchausen. When he’s good, there’s no one better.

I happen to think he’s not only a true visual genius, but a genuine “artist” — someone who listens only to his own inner muse, sticking to his vision. As a result, a Terry Gilliam film is absolutely its own unique creation.

There may be no one else working in films today who is quite as “pure” as he is, and the world needs more like him.

Second, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is a failure as a movie, but like all Gilliam failures, it’s a fascinating one.

Dr. Parnassus (an unrecognizable Christopher Plummer, who is sensational in the part) is a thousand years old, having made a deal with the devil (a perfectly cast Tom Waits) to live forever. Now he travels the world as head of a old-fashioned circus show that includes a magic mirror as its centerpiece.

But Dr. Parnassus has unexpectedly given birth to a daughter, and it turns out that in exchange for immortality, the doctor promised the soul of the daughter he never thought he’d have. Now the devil has come to collect — but being the devil, he offers another deal: if the doctor can collect five other souls before the devil does, and the daughter is saved.

The second half of the movie is Dr. Parnassus’s attempt to collect the souls, with help from a mysterious stranger named Tony (Health Ledger, who truthfully doesn’t make much of an impression), luring unsuspecting people into his magic mirror to capture them for the devil.

It’s a terrific premise, and the dimensions beyond the magic mirror, created by the imagination of both Dr. Parnassus and whoever enters it, are absolutely surreal — classic Gilliam in the best possible sense.

Likewise, because Ledger died mid-way through shooting, the director had to come up with some way to “replace” him. As it is, he appears “different” every time he goes into the mirror — and he’s played by different actors: Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell, in turn.

It’s seamless and beautifully done.

The problem is that the rest of the movie is such a muddled mess. The first half of the movie is borderline unwatchable, and basic plot exposition is presented in such a confusing, awkward way that you quickly run out of patience. Likewise, it takes way too long to get to the actual story.

The movie perks up considerably in the second half, but I suspect most audiences will have long since checked out. The only reason I didn’t is because I’m such a huge Gilliam fan (and truthfully, he even tried my patience quite a bit).

I’m fascinated to know why the fact the movie clearly doesn’t work wasn’t obvious to Gilliam — or why he didn’t listen if people tried to tell him this. Was Gilliam’s greatest strength — his refusal to compromise his vision — ultimately his own undoing?

A man with great power ignores the nay-sayers, pushing his limits further and further — until he ends up destroying himself completely.

Hey, it almost sounds like a Terry Gilliam movie!

Alas, it’d probably be better than The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.

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