Four Torches (Out of Five)

Warning: This review contains minor spoilers for the “Missio” episode of Spartacus: Gods of the Arena.

I’d gotten so accustomed to the insane, boundary-pushing shenanigans of the Spartacus series last year that I forgot there’s simply no other show on television like it. Period. Sure, shows have attempted to push the boundaries of violence and sex before, but have you ever seen things like decapitations, eviscerations, dismemberment, alongside open gay sex, public masturbation, and orgies handled so … well, nonchalantly?

Spartacus continues to be a show like no other, and I have no doubt that in the coming years we’ll see shows attempt to emulate it, but fall short, as mimics often do.

Anyway, onto this particular episode. While the first episode was understandably heavy on exposition — a season premiere requires a fair amount of world-building, after all — we’re back on track with an action-packed episode. After the sick beat-down Batiatus received last week, he was itching to get his revenge on his two assailants. After this episode, one is down with one to go.

An intriguing new character arrived this season: Gaia, an old friend (and a very close one at that) of Lucretia’s. In the first episode she seemed more like an older version of a naughty schoolgirl, but after the ingeniously crafted character of Ilithyia last season, I had my eye on her, and sure enough, she revealed herself to be  a web of ice-cold calculations under the beguiling smile and flighty facade.

The plot centers around a scheme by Batiatus to convince, through whatever means necessary, a wealthy patron named Varras to showcase Batiatus’ gladiators in his upcoming games, rather than his rivals’. Part of this scheme includes sending a gang of his new recruits — Ashur, the villainous scoundrel from Season 1 among them — to take out his rival, while Lucretia and Gaia are dispatched to seduce Varras into retreating from the sun to Batiatus’ villa. Lucretia, far from the willful femme fatale she becomes later on, is a bundle of nerves, while Gaia tells her to relax, and takes the lead.

Prequels are hard to pull off, because we know how the story ends, but one thing Spartacus is doing absolutely right is showing us virtually every character in a new way. Sure, we know what becomes of them, but this way, we enjoy the ride a whole lot more.

Once they succeed in luring Varras to the villa, the three of them work him over until he’s ready to choose one of Batiatus’ gladiators. The natural choice is Gannicus, the current champion, who impresses Varras with his defeat over Crixus, who will one day be the champion himself, of course.

And in a twist that only the writers of Spartacus would come up with, Batiatus then brings Gannicus to the chambers, clad only in a white tunic, and casually offers Varras an opportunity to have sex with him. Varras is certainly titillated, but drunk and under the influence of opium, would rather just watch Gannicus have sex with a nearby slave, who happens to be the wife of Gannicus’ friend.

Gaia, mind you, is interested in becoming Varras’ wife, social climber that she is, and yet she’s not put off in the slightest as Varras toys with having sex with a man, finally contenting himself to masturbate in everyone’s presence as Gannicus fornicates before his eyes.

To say this show is unique doesn’t even begin to do it justice. I’m pretty sure I never saw a scene like that in Two and a Half Men.

If there is a flaw in the series, it’s one of sad origin: without Andy Whitfield to anchor the show as a lead character, there’s a slightly meandering sense to the story, as though this is all subplot and we’ll eventually get to the A-story. Sure, Batiatus and Lucretia are delicious villains, but there’s a reason villains are seldom the protagonists, and while Gannicus is wonderfully cocky and full of hubris, the show doesn’t quite rest on his shoulders.

That having been said, I eagerly await the next installment.

Five years.

That’s the amount of time that the new six-episode Spartacus “prequel” goes back, in order to tell the story of what happened before Spartacus arrived at Batiatus’ ludus.

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena premieres this Friday at 10 PM on Starz.

At a presentation last week at the Television Critics Association conference in Pasadena, the producers and stars of the show talked about the production, which was originally planned to give star Andy Whitfield time for cancer treatments (he did not respond well, and the part was subsequently recast for season two).

“We basically cut out all the boring parts,” executive producer Steven DeKnight said, describing how they were able to tell a Spartacus-worthy story in a mere six episodes. “We hit the ground running.”

DeKnight admited that the first season of the show was rocky at first, but that those mistakes helped them this time around.

“When we started off [in season one], you know, we went straight to thirteen episodes with no pilot,” he said. “So it was a lot of research and development on the job … And if you look at the first episode of season one and the last episode of season one, you see how far we have come. It was a little bit of everything and the kitchen sink at first. It was just a learning process. And after a couple of episodes, we really found what worked and what didn’t.

“Right when Spartacus really gelled in season one, we were able to start right there from the first episode of the prequel,” DeKnight said.

The prequel tells the story of a new gladiator, Gannicus, played by Dustin Clare, and the way in which he helps Batiatus first make a name for himself.

Many characters from the first season appear, including Batiatus’ wife Lucretia (Lucy Lawless), Barca, Ashur, Naevia, and Peter Mensah’s Oenomaus, but in surprisingly different versions of themselves (Oenomaus is not yet Doctore, for example).

The prequel tells the story of how they came to be the people they are in the first season, for good or ill.

Lawless (left) and Jamie Murray as Gaia

Asked if she liked playing a character younger than herself, Lucy Lawless said, “I love it!”

Whether it was difficult, Lawless said, “It was a rare pleasure actually. That never happens, where you get to go back and fill in blanks and actually find out more about your own character. It was a huge thrill for me. And you get to see our characters when they are in the honeymoon phase of their lives.”

“That was the honeymoon?” John Hannah, who plays Batiatus, deadpanned.

“That was it,” Lawless said. “That was all you get. Hey, come on. It was all right for you.”

Lawless also said that the actors’ performances were “youthened” in editing. “They fix us in post,” she said. “That’s not a lie. But my character certainly was a bit more sort of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed before her rotten college mate came back and taught her all these bad tricks, played by Jaime Murray who plays Gaia. But my character did not abuse the servants in the beginning, and she was devoted to her husband.”

DeKnight promised that the special effects are even better than season one.

“There’s some deaths that are so incredible, you just have to rewind to watch again because you can’t believe what you just saw,” he said. “[Co-creator] Rob [Tapert] and his team have definitely managed to up the ante. And I was stunned by how great some of this stuff looks.”

Did the events of the prequel change any of the events of season two, which was basically written when Whitfield was diagnosed with cancer?

“It was a very unfortunate circumstance,” DeKnight said. “But story-wise, the story [of the second season still is] basically what the story was.”

The actors and producers also responded to questions about whether the charactes of Batiatus and Lucretia will return in season two.

“It was just a flesh wound,” quipped Lawless of Batiatus’ obviously fatal injuries, prompting John Hannah to joke, “I believe that Batiatus does actually have a twin brother who we get to meet later on.”

Lawless, meanwhile, confirmed that she will return in season two

The six-episode prequel series Spartacus: Gods of the Arena begins this Friday at 10 PM on Starz.

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Q: So I must know: will Lucy Lawless be back in the second season — not the “prequel” — of Spartacus? Basically, did she die in the finale? — MAGPIE, Toronto, Canada

The Oracle Speaks:

First, a spoiler alert.

“She was still twitching at the end of Season 1, if you look,” Spartacus‘ executive director Steven DeKnight said at the recent Television Critics Association conference in L.A.

In other words, yes, she’ll be back, not just in the prequel, but also in the subsequent second season.

“You know, the original plan with Lucy and that character was to kill her at the end of the season,” DeKnight said. “Basically we had John Hannah and Lucy Lawless for only one season. That’s what we could get them for. Towards the end of Season One, Lucy was having such a great time, and we all loved her so much, there was interest in bringing her back. And I got a call from Rob Tapert saying, ‘Starz called, and they’d really like Lucy to come back, and you know, Lucy really wants to come back,’ and I said, ‘Absolutely not. She’s got to die. That’s the way the story goes.’”

But DeKnight soon changed his mind, he said. “The next day I called him up and said, ‘Rob, I got an idea. And we’re thrilled to have — Lucy will be back in Season Two. And where the story goes with her is really something special. I’m very excited about that.”

What of John Hannah? “John Hannah is a little harder to bring back, obviously,” DeKnight joked.

Q: Are lembas magic or is it just a really, really impressive Powerbar recipe? — Jonah, Dallas, TX

The Oracle Speaks:

We know what Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson thinks: in the movies, one bite of lembas bread “is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man” — which is, of course, physically impossible, so magic must be involved.

But in the book, it’s a little different: “one cake” is enough for “a full day’s march,” which is much closer to the laws of physics and means that magic isn’t necessarily involved.

Still, there are repeated references to the fact that lembas don’t just sustain the body; they also sustain the spirit.

“Lembas does put heart into you,” J.R.R. Tolkien writes. “A more wholesome sort of feeling.” And Gollum can’t eat the bread.

This could, of course, all be psychological; when eating lembas, people often think of the elves (and the beauty of Galadriel), which could definitely provide a psychological boost.

But then there’s the fact that the elves, who created lembas, are an immortal, magical race — literally created by the magic of Eru IIuvater. Everything they do is suffused with magic — although not necessarily magic of the spellbook and incantation sort.

And come on: one thin cake for a full day’s march?

Count on it. Lembas are magic.

A more interesting question is why is the word always italicized when plenty of other elven words are not?

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• On Monday, principal photography finally begins on HBO’s Game of Thrones series. The film is shooting on location in Northern Ireland, and mixing Hollywood royalty cast with locally grown favorites such as Conleth Hill.

• Guillermo del Toro quit The Hobbit to develop … The Haunted Mansion. Yes, the ride at Disney that Eddie Murphy made a mockery of a few years ago. But del Toro promises something darker.

• Billy Burke and Amber Heard are set to costar in the next film that Nic Cage destroys called Drive Angry 3D. The film released some concept art, and if I’m inventing a plot based entirely on the three drawings, I’m going to guess a demon with road rage controls a real car in the real world via a steering wheel pentagram.

• Michael Bay’s production company is bringing Hansel and Gretel 3D to the big screen. Funny, I don’t remember any explosions in Hansel and Gretel , but maybe that’s what happens after they shove the witch into the oven?

• The Lord of the Rings Free2Play beta client has hit the internet and is still accepting signups for the beta program.

• According to Roger Ebert, Rachel Weisz’s new movie Agora is a sword-and-sandals epic that doesn’t necessarily paint the Christians as the heroes. In a story mixing pagans and Christians, neither comes out great, but intellect is painted as the true moral compass.

• Collectible company QMx just got the license to recreate things from Warehouse 13, giving them basically endless props to manufacture. The first piece they’ll be showing off is the Farnsworth communication device at Comic-Con.

• I know it’s a bit juvenile, but here’s a featurette about Nanny McPhee Returns. You can never start the little ones on believing magic is real too young, at least in stories, and Harry Potter’s next outing is a bit dark for the under-five set.

• Bioware released a huge patch for Dragon Age: Origins. But one of the things that it “fixes” is a bug many liked. Once you apply this patch, it’s no longer possible “your female character could have sex with Morrigan, impregnating her with dead Alistair’s baby.”

• Lucy Lawless is confirmed for the prequel, Spartacus: Gods of the Arena, but it’s not yet clear that she’s back for the second season of Spartacus: Blood and Sand. We’re hoping for news out of Comic-Con.

• There are some wild rumors flying that Starz might save either FlashForward, or Legend of the Seeker. I find those to be extremely unlikely, but I couldn’t believe that King of Queens survived one season, much less making syndication.

• If you like Vampire Diaries, you probably voted in E!’s Tater Top Awards, where anything that wasn’t won by House was won by a show on The CW. Vampire Diaries walked away with a bunch of awards, including Best Baddie for Damon.

• For those of you still heartbroken over how horribly The Last Airbender turned out onscreen, you have something to look forward to in The Legend of Korra, a new animated Airbender story about Korra, the spunky female Water Tribe Avatar born after Aang. It has the same creative team behind it as the original cartoon, so I’m hopeful, even if I’m a little confused about how Air Kingdom gets repopulated.

• Zack Snyder says they’ve had the contract signed for a week to write Xerxes, and while he doesn’t have a contract to direct the parallel to 300, he’s hopeful they’ll let him.

• J.K. Rowling was seen in a coffee shop writing on her laptop, causing the entire universe to claim she’s writing another book instead of just an email to her banker telling him where to put the latest pile of money that just arrived by owl.

• Just for fun, here’s the new Comic-Con trailer for Tron: Legacy. It gives a much better peek at the plot line, which isn’t at all what I was expecting.

• And finally at Comic-Con, Joss Whedon confirmed what everyone already knew: He’s directing The Avengers. He’s currently outlining the plot.

• When doing an interview promoting Spartacus: Blood and Sand in the UK, Lucy Lawless dropped two pieces of information that shocked me. The first was that her children have no interest in her work: “I may as well work in a bank.” The second was that a man once asked her to sign his axe. She says, “ Was a bit creeped out by that,” but she doesn’t say she didn’t sign it.

• The Catherine Hardwicke-directed, Amanda Seyfried-starring Red Riding Hood movie has just added Saul frakkin’ Tigh to the cast. Michael Hogan is joining the picture as a character known as The Reeve.

• St. Paul University in Ottawa is making waves by offering a course on ethics in The Lord of the Rings. It was inspired by books like The Simpsons and Philosophy (The D’oh! of Homer); The Matrix and Philosophy (Welcome to the Desert of the Real); and The Sopranos and Philosophy (I Kill Therefore I Am), but I’m betting those didn’t cost some kid’s parents $735.

• Only days apart, I stumbled across two lesbian-interest blogs publishing stories of interest. First was the Top 10(ish) Actresses(ish) You Didn’t Know You Need To Know. This brings the ladies of Legend of the Seeker at the top of a genre-heavy list. The very next day came The Top Women of Sci-Fi TV, which definitely leans to science fiction with characters like Seven of Nine, but also includes Cara Mason (Tabrett Bethell) of Legend of the Seeker.

• The world’s shortest teaser-trailer premiered for Smurfs; it has 3 seconds of Smurfs for 53 seconds of trailer, but at least you get to see the little blue guys in Times Square. USAToday also says that Gargamel isn’t out to eat them anymore, just use them to make his magic more powerful.

• HBO has signed Brian Kirk to direct two episodes of Game of Thrones. He’s previously knocked out episodes of Dexter and Brotherhood, but I don’t see a lot of genre work. The bonus is that he’s from Northern Ireland, where they intend to film.

• In other news for Game of Thrones, sci-fi geek goddess Jane Espenson has been tapped to write an episode of the fantasy series.

• And one of the more unusual casting calls I’ve seen has gone out for Game of Thrones requesting amputees in Northern Ireland for the series. They’re also seeking hairy, bearded men, and women with dark hair.

• This featurette from The Sorcerer’s Apprentice explores the legacy of creating a live-action version of the mops and buckets scene from Fantasia, one of the most iconic pieces of film of all time.

• Ther new DLC for Dragon Age: Origins will have you exploring the backstory of a non-playing character. Dragon Age Leliana’s Song will show how the bard got to Ferelden.

• If you had given up on Narnia.com during the long silence between films, it’s time to check it out, because it has been updated in advance of Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

• Buried deep in an interview about Tilda Swinton’s new film I Am Love, she expresses shock that the trailer for Voyage of the Dawn Treader revealed she was in the film. She also swears that she spent less time filming the scene than the interview took, which was only 23 minutes.

• The new international trailer for Scott Pilgrim vs. the World has a “Pee gauge.” Hmmmmm.

• E3 has been going on all week, and there’s been a ton of game news, but we knew most of it already. The detailed specification sheet for Lord of the Rings: Aragon’s Quest looks like it has some new information though.

• And as long as we’re talking about Lord of the Rings, I just have to share this picture, which made me do a spit-take on my laptop. Yes, I’m twelve on the inside.

• And I was unaware that Snoop Dog was a huge fan of True Blood in general, and of Sookie Stackhouse in particular. But HBO has released his Oh Sookie.

Summer’s a great time, isn’t it? Gone are the long overcoats, the big fuzzy sweaters, and the scarves.

That’s right, people. It’s sexy time again.

Last year, we began what is now officially our annual tradition of the sexiest characters of fantasy. This year, we’re doin’ ya one better — we’re going to let YOU, our readers, decide for yourselves.

The guidelines are simple. One, we are judging characters for their sex appeal, not actors, so even if you happen to find Cate Blanchett the sexiest lady around, I think we can all agree that her turn as Galadriel didn’t exactly turn up the heat.

Two, we are specifically dealing with fantasy characters and not sci-fi, which means that Trinity, Aeon Flux, etc. are out of the running. Superheroes are okay, but we’re mostly going for high fantasy or urban fantasy, a la Legend of the Seeker, True Blood, and the like.

Three, we’re looking for recent entries into the world of fantasy. Basically, the character has to have appeared in an entertainment project released from 2009 to 2010.

And now that the rules are out of the way, here are our nominees. You can vote below!

Lucretia

Though Lucy Lawless will always be remembered for playing Xena, she still brings the sexy (and then some!) almost ten years later as the wickedly seductive Lucretia on Spartacus: Blood and Sand.

Naevia

Speaking of Lucretia, most Spartacus fans first got a glimpse of the surprisingly plucky slave girl, Naevia, when she was essentially being used as a human sex toy to get her domina, Lucretia, going so she could have sex with her husband and not have to bother with all that pesky foreplay stuff. But who would have thought that she would  blossom into a strong-willed character of her own who catches not only the eye but the heart and soul of the toughest gladiator in the ludus, Crixus?

Mira

The last Spartacus entry on the list is another humble-at-first-then-proves-to-be-resourceful slave girl. Mira, who only appeared in about the last third of the season, managed to arouse the man himself, Spartacus, and almost make him forget his late wife. Now that’s a woman.

Kate Austin

Over the past few years, Lost became such a ridiculously complex torrent of red herrings (by which I mean, of course, that the writers had absolutely no idea what they were doing) that it almost made one forget how, in 2004, an unknown actress named Evangeline Lilly created the character of Kate who was tough, capable, and looked damn good in a tank top and baggy jeans. Though the show may have ended on a whimper, no one can deny that for six years, Kate looked damn sexy running around that island.

Jennifer

There’s classy sexy, and then there’s slutty sexy. Hey, I’m not judging. To each his own. Though she was more Mortal Kombat’s Baraka than prom queen, the titular heroine/villainess of Jennifer’s Body was certainly not lacking in the sexuality department … even if she was eating boys (literally).

Persephone

A few months back, I reviewed Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and I won’t split hairs — I did not like it. But near the end, just as I was about to nod off, was woken up a big jolt of sexy in the form of Rosario Dawson’s luscious death goddess, Persephone. If that’s what awaits us in the Underworld, kill me now.

Io

Clash of the Titans may have been a gods-awful flick, but at least it did take a few seconds away from the constant boss-fight-after-boss-fight to allow us to soak in the sexiness that was Gemma Arterton’s enigmatic Io. (Gemma Arterton fans? Careful you don’t split your votes by voting for Arterton’s Princess Tamina in Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time!)

Neytiri

Go ahead. I dare you to tell me you didn’t feel a little stirring of something for some of the Na’vi when watching Avatar. No need to feel pervy for wanting to mack on blue monkey-cat people: their bodies were clearly designed to be lithe, sexy, and pleasurable to behold. And few were more behold-able than Neytiri, as performed by the delicious Zoe Saldana. (And lest you protest that Avatar was sci-fi, Pandora itself was clearly a fantasy setting, with its blue inhabitants, floating mountains, and soul transferring.)

Morrigan

What’s that, you say? Morrigan isn’t “real,” but is, instead, a character in the video game Dragon Age: Origin? Clearly, you have yet to play Dragon Age: Origin! When it comes to sexy sorceresses, we prefer ours with a “bad girl” vibe and more than a touch of ‘tude — which is Morrigan all the way. Plus, we have it on good authority that things get, uh, interesting if you “gift” her enough necklaces, amulets, and broaches!

Kahlan

Cara

Legend of the Seeker may have been unjustly canceled, but its characters will live on in our memories and imaginations forever. And while the plots and dialogue were fantastic, it certainly didn’t hurt that its two main female leads were so breathtaking to gaze upon. And so we give you the gorgeous Kahlan and Cara.

So there are our nominees. We also have a “none of the above” option for any glaring omissions, but be sure to add the name in our “comments,” below!

THE POLL IS NOW CLOSED! SEE THE RESULTS HERE

Tune in soon for the men!

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With Andy Whitfield, the star of Spartacus: Blood and Sand, recovering from cancer, the Starz channel has okayed a six-episode “prequel” series that will concentrate on characters played by Lucy Lawless and John Hannah.

The series will show the house of Batiatus (Hannah) before the arrival of Spartacus. Most of the rest of the first season cast will return as well, and the series will also include new characters, including the gladiator who was the champion of the House of Batiatus before Spartacus or even Crixus, a character who will “help fill in the story about the people and politics in the House of Batiatus and ancient Capua as a whole,” according to a press release from the Starz network.

The series will begin production this summer and will air in January 2011.

According to the network, Whitfield is responding well to his treatment for Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma.

Five Torches (Out of Five)

A few years ago, I shivered with anticipation when I started seeing video of stuntmen and actors training for 300, which looked to be the most epically awesome movie I’d ever see.

Then the trailers came out, and I was blown away by the visuals, this comic book aesthetic set to heavy metal, featuring roided up man-gods running around gutting each other. My bloodthirst was whetted, and I could barely contain myself.

Then I saw the movie. Meh.

After that disappointing episode, I didn’t let myself get too worked up when previews began appearing for the very 300-esque-looking new series, Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Oh, sure, this would push television to a whole new level, bringing eviscerating violence and nigh-pornographic sex to the forefront in a way never seen before.

“Whatever, Starz,” I said. “See if I believe your hype. I’ve been hurt before. Check out how thick my skin is.”

I was cynical. I had lost my ability to believe. And I was wrong.

From the very first episode (which some fans of the show call the worst episode, but I personally loved), it was clear that this truly was going to be a show like no other. There was a clearly-established and unique graphic novel feel to the show, with its CGI blood-spurting and green-screen backgrounds. The fight choreography included some of the best stunt work ever seen on television, much of which was performed by the actors themselves. Characters were written to be scenery-chewers, and inhabited by actors like John Hannah, Craig Parker, and genre goddess Lucy Lawless, they were just that.

As the series went on, it introduced us to a wide array of characters, some of whom quickly became dear to the audience. Characters like Varro and Pietros, who seemed like such good-hearted men in the midst of unbearable violence, were showcased and given enough screen time for us to really care about them, just to watch, mouths agape, as they died horrible deaths.

The show challenged the straight-washing of history that almost every Roman epic is guilty of by showing what is probably the first gay couple to ever exist in a filmed story about gladiators, the aforementioned Pietros and the alpha male, Barca. It showed that women could be unbelievably powerful in this male-dominated world if they were clever enough, as seen in the characters of Lucretia and Illyithia.

But more than anything, it was a damn good story, one the writers carefully and meticulously plotted out to advance with every installment of the 13-episode season, culminating in a climactic finale the likes of which have never been seen on television before.

Part horror movie, part revenge fantasy, the last third of the season finale, accurately titled “Kill Them All,” was an unbelievable, 20-minute-long orgy of blood and beheadings that your average Tarantino fan would feel quite at home watching. After three months of shocking us, they upped their game once more, with an open-ended conclusion that leaves us frenzied for more.

Sadly, the last few episodes were punctuated with the very real fact that Andy Whitfield, the handsome, charismatic, and utterly bad-ass lead actor, has been diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Needless to say, his fan base is enormous after this season, and a lot of good will is being sent his way.

We love you here at TheTorchOnline.com, Andy, and we wish you the speediest recovery.

While his treatment has caused a delay in the filming of the second season, there is the possibility of a prequel season being aired in the interim. With the plethora of characters in the ensemble, they could focus on pretty much any one of them. But my advice would be to either follow Crixus or Barca (or preferably both), who begin the first season as established kings of the gladiator arena. It would be fun to see how they got there.

Spartacus: Blood and Sand did that rare thing in the world of television: it lived up to its hype. It certainly isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it achieves all its goals as a down-and-dirty genre show.

It’s just damn good television.

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Five Bajillion Torches (Out of Five)

Warning: The following review contains spoilers for the “Kill Them All” episode of Spartacus: Blood and Sand.

Wow. Wow! WOW!

Where to begin … for those fans who, along the way, had any doubts that the writers of Spartacus were prepping for a huge finale, let it be known their doubts were in (a huge heaping pile of) vain.

This was, without a doubt, the single most gruesome, barbaric, bloody, violent, and insanely game-changing season finale I have ever seen. For a show as grandiose as Blood and Sand, they knew they had to go big, and holy crap, did they ever.

The previous episode was all set-up for what was to come, in which basically all the back-stabbings were revealed, and characters began to pick sides. As tensions grew, the one character who remained on the fence was Crisco, who began the season as a fairly standard bully and morphed into a tragic hero.

The use of time-switching and flashbacks was a surprise, since the show hasn’t ever told a non-linear story before, but the surprise was more than welcome. What better way to send off the show by mixing it up a little?

Oh, wait, I know. By mixing it up a lot.

Beginning with the revelation that Doctore’s real name was, in fact, Oenomaus (who history buffs will know was an ally of the rebel Spartacus), the show played like a game of “Let’s up the ante with each scene,” culminating in one of the most electrifying (and merciless) climaxes in recent memory.

There was blood. Oh, there was blood, drawn in ways we would never expect. Remember how shocking it was when Illyithia killed her rival? Multiply that by a thousand and you have this episode.

It takes a lot to shock me — I grew up in the internet age, after all — but I literally found myself holding my breath as Crixus stabbed Lucretia’s belly, intent on killing a child that may very well be his. I’ve never seen something so viscerally terrifying, and while the show unexpectedly displayednuance by not focusing on the actual stab, the effect was still chilling.

Varro’s wife, Aurelia, a relatively new character, shocked us all when she went all Norman Bates on the young boy Numerius out of revenge for his decision to have her husband killed. I don’t think I’m going to get that image out of my mind for a long time.

The show brilliantly weaved together all its loose ends, such as Doctore finally seeking revenge on Ashur for Barca’s death, and the eventual friendship of Spartacus and Crixus — although, if I have one gripe with the episode, it was that Crixus seemed to make that huge switch too easily. However, it’s all forgiven for the insanely awesome moment when he calls Spartacus to use his shield as a launching point, just as they did in their fight against Theocles.

Quite simply, I was blown away. This is not a show that has potential, this is a show that reached its potential and then blasts right past it. I’m aware it’s not for everyone, but for those who are into this kind of thing, this is hands-down the best show on television.

All the best wishes to Andy Whitfield for a full, speedy recovery. I’m sure he’s just eager to strap on the armor again, and I, and the world, cannot wait for him to do so.

Five Torches (Out of Five)

Warning: The following review contains spoilers for the “Revelations” episode of Spartacus: Blood and Sand.

One thing you can never accuse Spartacus: Blood and Sand of is false advertising. The show certainly gives us plenty of Spartacus, plenty of blood, and plenty of sand, and in the most recent episode, entitled “Revelations,” a whole butt-load of info was revealed.

Not to us, mind you. The writers generously kept us, the audience, in the know for the most part as to who was backstabbing who. But what made this episode such a Five-Torcher was the fact that secrets were finally exposed (I got tired of saying revealed) to the characters, and watching the you-know-what hit the fan was a pleasure that was twelve weeks in the making.

Similar to last week’s hallucination-inspired deductions on the part of Spartacus, in which he pieced together that Batiatus is actually working against him and killed his wife, this week also uses threads we may have forgotten about to push the plot forward, proving to any doubters that the writers know what they’re doing.

The show was easy to call “plot-lite” in its earlier life, as much of the story seemed centered on CGI blood and naughty body parts. But it turns out that the writing team was much craftier than many of us (myself included) realized, and that even in these earlier episodes they were laying down groundwork for the season-ending payoff.

For example, characters seem as disposable as old loincloths at first, only to be important later. Remember Barca, that bad-ass gay gladiator who was secretly killed by Batiatus for disobeying orders? At the time it seemed such a waste on the writers’ part, creating this unique character only to kill him off. Insult to injury was that Doctore seemed determined to get to the bottom of his death for all of five seconds, only to decide he had better things to do. The world moved on, and Barca was forgotten.

But he wasn’t! The slave girl, Naevia, knew the reality of his death, and kept it to herself for six episodes (months upon months in the ludus). After her affair with Crixus is exposed, she is beaten savagely by Lucretia while Batiatus orders Crixus to be whipped. Afterward, the lovers hold each other, and Crixus vows to get his freedom. This sets off Naevia’s panic, because she knows what happened when Barca desired his freedom, and finally tells Doctore the truth, something Batiatus had been hiding from him.

If this sounds complex and operatic, that’s because it is. But Spartacus has always teetered on the edge of melodrama, and after so much time, it’s extremely satisfying to witness. Formerly ambiguous characters like Ashur, Doctore, even Batiatus (remember when we liked him?) have clearly fallen on the side of either good or evil, and with one episode to go, the show is at its absolute season best.

I have little doubt it will climb to its creative zenith next week, and I for one cannot wait.

Four and a half Torches (Out of Five)

Warning: The following review contains spoilers for the “Old Wounds” episode of Spartacus: Blood and Sand.

After last week’s devastating episode, fans of Starz’ epic gladiator series were starting to squirm, wondering just how long we could take this. Week after week, something unbelievably awful happens to Spartacus and the rest of the gladiator’s in Batiatus’ ludus, which, given the body count, is the last place on earth you would ever want to be.

And week after week, the cunning and wicked Batiatus, as well as his equally cunning and wicked wife Lucretia and servant Ashur, always come out on top, with Spartacus believing his master to be a good, caring, and helpful man.

So how satisfying that finally — finally – we get a bit of a turnaround. Spartacus finally catches wind of what’s going on, and ironically he does this in an episode where he is the least proactive, at least physically. Spartacus spends much of the ep in a fever-induced dream, which allows his subconscious to piece together clues and deduce Batiatus’ treachery.

With our hero sidelined, the action is played out by Crixus, who regains some of his former self when battling an opponent in the arena, and Batiatus, whose plot of revenge against the Magistrate who insulted him and his rival Solonius finally comes to fruition.

The show has certainly moved away from insane, 300-style action sequences in favor of palace intrigue, and I’m okay with that, especially when the plot becomes as riveting as it was in “Old Wounds.” Having definitively proven that no character is safe, the writers keep you on the edge of your seat, because the audience knows the plot can spin in a whole new direction in seconds.

For example, the moment where Lucretia starts to swoon while watching Crixus fight in the arena was captivating because we know it can mean any number of things. Is she moved at seeing Crixus in fighting form again? Could she, at long last, be pregnant? At this point in the series, I wouldn’t have been surprised if someone had poisoned her wine and she dropped dead right there. The entire show is swiftly becoming the final scene in Hamlet.

While I applaud the writers for daring once again to tread where few other shows will in their gleeful dispatching of beloved characters, I do wonder if we’re supposed to get attached to anyone, since they all live their lives in a crosshairs. I miss those who have died: Barca, Pietros, Sura, Varro … and while I enjoy the new batch of characters, I just don’t know if I can open myself up to them emotionally.

I’ve been hurt before, you see.

All in all, “Old Wounds” was an engaging episode, with perhaps the most exciting denouement the show has had yet. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Five Torches (Out of Five)

Warning: The following review contains silers for the “Party Favors” episode of Spartacus: Blood and Sand.

As I’ve said before, one of the reasons why this show kicks so much ass is because it takes chances like few other shows ever do, and when the showrunner, Steven DeKnight, warns fans that no character is safe and anyone could die, he actually means it.

Last week ended with the most disturbing death we’ve seen so far, because while we’re expecting the gladiators to hack each other to bits, the last thing we think we’ll see is a woman of nobility like Ilithyia smashing a rival’s face into the ground until there’s nothing left but a bloody pulp. As we saw in the final scene, no one was more disturbed than Ilithyia herself, who is racked with guilt and fear, and so the villainous Lucretia stations herself as Ilithyia’s protector.

The scary thing about social climbing in ancient Rome is that it required a body count.

Much maneuvering (for good, bad, and libido) occurs in this episode, with a tryst between Naevia and Crixus spied upon by Ashur, who himself is secretly allying himself with Batitatus’ rival, Solonius. Batiatus is attempting to ingratiate himself to the Magistrate by hosting his son’s coming-of-age party, all so Batiatus might one day climb to the ranks of the senate. And Ilithyia, once she regains her reason, pulls a move of her own that’s just, well, gross, but ingenious in its quest for vengeance.

Cleverly, these moves and more, chess-like as they are, are symbolized in a central scene in which Batiatus and Spartacus play a rather chess-like board game, one based on military strategies. While Spartacus proves to be quite adept at battle strategy, we soon discover that once he’s off the game board and out of the battle field, he is easily, and tragically, out-maneuvered.

The episode culminates with the aforementioned party for the Magistrate’s son, Numerius. Spartacus is set to fight Crixus in exhibition as opposed to a death match (though Crixus has other plans). But after a bathtub rendezvous with Ilithyia, Numerius instead puts Varro in Crixus’ place. At first, Varro is excited to see his station elevated, until we all learn that Ilithyia whispered another piece of advice to Numerius in that bath tub: make sure the match culminates in death. Though Spartacus resists, he ultimately has no choice but to kill his friend.

Several episodes back it began to be apparent that Ilithyia, not Glaber, was Spartacus’ true nemesis, and here we see the extent of her evil — she could have had Spartacus fight Crixus and hope for his death. Instead, she designs events so that Spartacus is forced to kill the man she knows is his only friend. Her gift at psychological torture is truly disturbing, and her actions place her above even Batiatus in that category.

I can’t say I’m surprised that Varro died, since he never seemed to be a central character, but I was surprised it happened so soon (I had a expected a season finale death), and I was shocked by how it had happened. As soon as Numerius switched the bill, my heart leaped into my throat, because I knew this was the last time we’d see Varro. (And while I’m sure the actor portraying him, Jai Courtney, is saddened as well, he must be grateful to no longer have to bleach his hair.)

Spartacus: Blood and Sand offers us a world of pain with very little relief, and yet it’s the kind of show you just keep coming back to for more, because the writing is engaging and you care about the characters. As I said before, once things start working out well for someone — Varro had finally made peace with his wife and was thrilled to be starting over with her, while at the same time increasing his gladiatorial fame — chances are they’ll end up with a target on their forehead.

I recently noted I’ve begun to grow attached to the slave girl, Naevia, who’s coming into her own and proving her intelligence. But I hesitate to even put that in writing, because we all know what that means …