You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout. Or he will come and devour your flesh!!!!!

Did you know that Santa Claus travels with an unholy hell-spawn? Well, now you do.

In some parts of the world, there is another tradition that accompanies the legend of Santa Claus, that saintly elf who travels the world giving gifts to children who have been nice and coal to those who’ve been naughty. According to some old-school myths originating in Germany and Austria, Santa had a buddy. And it wasn’t Rudolph.

Say hello to Krampus, who according to custom hitches a ride on Kris Kringle’s sleigh to dole out some seriously bad tidings. While St. Nick gets the task of handing out baubles to cherubic tots, it’s Krampus’ lot to bestow punishment, beatings, and the like to children who misbehave. Krampus’ weapon of choice was a birch rod, which is basically just a big stick used for whipping.

And if that picture doesn’t creep you out, nothing will.

Obviously, it’s the kind of freak-tastic story meant to inspire fear in kids and make them play nice, so they’ll get to deal with Santa and not Krampus come December the 25th. But as our age is indeed an age of irony, Krampus has taken on a new pop-culture identity in parts of Europe with the re-emergence of Krampustag, which basically consists of drunken hooligans dressing up as Krampuses and running amok, whipping pedestrians they pass on the street. Please, God, do not let any fraternities hear about this tradition, or college campuses across the nation will turn into college Krampuses.

This was a popular pastime in the 1800s, when the onset of winter meant fewer hours of work for farmers, and thus they had a little time on their hands. Soon, however, church leaders grew uncomfortable with this ritual, which veered rather closely towards older pagan ceremonies, and so they ended it. But alas, it seems everything old is still new again.

It turns out that the power of Krampus is so mighty, not even cartoons are safe:

Looking to buy something mentioned in this column (or any other media)? Support TheTorchOnline.com by purchasing it through this link.