• We’ve just had an owl from Hogwarts with all sorts of news. The first piece of news is that we could have had all our other news a week earlier if we’d use email instead of owls. Ba-dum-dum! The second is that The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Orlando Studios open June 18^th.

• Also from Hogwarts, we have some details on the big attraction, something called the Forbidden Journey. I’m still unclear what it is, but it sounds like you’re inside a 360° projection and get shaken, flamed, tossed, and turned throughout. There’s a whole bunch of made-up words at the link to give more detail.

• From the Ministry of Magic, we can tell you that the destruction of the movie set during a pyrotechnic accident has been greatly exaggerated. Some minor damage to a single courtyard set that was pretty beaten up already from the Battle of Hogwarts.

• I have a confession: I love SyFy Original Movies. They’re just so bad they’re good. So when I saw this trailer for Snake Lake, I wasn’t entirely convinced it was a parody.

• I know we did a picture post of Keisha Castle-Hughes starring in The Legend of the Seeker, but they’re really, really proud of it and sent a press release to remind you to watch.

• The swords-and-sandals film Centurions premiered at SXSW, and they seem insanely proud of it. There’s more Q&A about the film and how it was made than you can shake a stick at.

• OK, stay with me, because this could get bumpy. Long ago I read Inferno, by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle, which was a pseudo-sequel to Dante’s Inferno. I don’t recall that it had a cameo by Kurt Vonnegut, but a big deal is being made of that. Now there’s a sequel by Niven and Pounelle called Escape From Hell (which I have not read but intend to). All of this is being classified as “hard fantasy” by some sites. Anybody want to catch me up in the comments?

• Kevin Williamson says he knows how The Vampire Diaries ends. He doesn’t know how much filler about Elena they’ll pay him to stuff in there until then, but he does know the ending.

• Stan Lee remind us that Blaze, Nick Rachett, and Tigress are currently under development for movie deals, and he sees Disney starting with Ant-Man and Dr Strange as they attempt to recoup their $4.3 billion Marvel acquisition.

• Louis Leterrier, most famous in the Marvel world for directing The Incredible Hulk, says he’s shortlisted to direct The Avengers. Please, no. I was looking forward to that.

• I had no idea until recently that the most popular character on Futurama was Dr. Zoidberg. I always thought it was Scruffy. But ever since new episodes were announced, the Zoid has been popping up everywhere – with some claiming him as a “spirit animal.” Now you can knit a Dr. Zoidberg mask.

• Warner Bros wants us to know they’re still thinking about converting 300 to 3D to try and drain our wallets without producing anything new. They’re also still thinking about a prequel. Call me when you’ve finished thinking, I’ll be in the dark, empty theater.

• There are reviews out that say that you should be playing Final Fantasy XIII. I had no idea they still made the game, but you too could be controlling people with a vaguely purple tint in a fantasy world.

• Avatar: The Last Airbender has another trailer. There’s not a ton of fresh footage, and still nothing funny. The action looks great, the close-ups of Ang’s tattoos are amazing, but I remain concerned about the heart of the film.

• Raunchy superhero comic The Boys seems destined for the big screen. The writers have blocked out major scenes that they think they can film without getting an X-Rating (seriously, not an R, not NC-17, they’re worried about an X). And funnyman Rod Corddry is lobbying to star in the film if it ever gets made.

• The first trailer for Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is out. I’m not sure what to make of it, since I’m not familiar with the world. It seems to be about Michael Cera going along and being Michael Cera again. He meets a girl who’s too cool for him, and falls in love. Then he gets his butt kicked, Mortal Kombat-style, until he meets Yoda and learns to use the Force or something. Did I get it close?

• Since I ended with a Mortal Kombat joke, what if Mortal Kombat implemented modern-day crisis mediation techniques?

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