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Q: Is there something to the rumors that Tim Burton wants to do a sequel to Edward Scissorhands? — Bee, NT, Australia

A: The Oracle doesn’t think so.

The rumor seems to come from a red carpet interview star Johnny Depp recently gave to MTV where he was asked if he wanted to do a sequel to any of his movies with Tim Burton. Depp eventually responded by saying that Edward Scissorhands was “life-changing” for him — and MTV shamelessly suggested from that that Depp might want to do a sequel. But it’s clear from the interview that that’s not what Depp meant (at all) – that he was merely saying which of his and Burton’s films together was his favorite.

What of Tim Burton? Like Depp, he considers Scissorhands to be his favorite (and most personal) film. But I think a sequel is extremely unlikely, in part because it is his favorite and most personal film. Why would he risk screwing up something that almost everyone agrees is as close as he’s ever come to perfection?

Sure enough, that was basically his opinion when he gave this 2006 interview (where he also shot down rumors of Beetlejuice and Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas sequels).

I think Burton would be even less likely to do a sequel now. Oftentimes directors and stars return to previous successes when their careers flag, but both Burton and Depp are hotter than ever, thanks to the massive success of Alice in Wonderland.

Nonetheless, here’s what such a sequel might look like:

Edward Scissorhands 2

Q: What’s the real name of The Simpsons’ Comic Book Guy? — Alf, Eugene, OR

A: In the February 6, 2005 Simpsons’ episode, “Homer and Ned’s Hail Mary Pass,” the real name of the proprietor of The Android’s Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop is revealed to be … Jeff Albertson.

You thought I was going to say they’ve never revealed his name, didn’t you? That’s actually what I thought.

Sure enough, referring to him only as Comic Book Guy was obviously a long-running gag on the show. But The Simpsons being The Simpsons (and after some 15 years on the air), the producers decided to reveal his name specifically to piss people off. That’s also why they picked the most generic-sounding name they could think of — and revealed it in a highly-watched Superbowl show.

Q: I’m confused: are wizards powerless without their staffs (or is is staves)? It sometimes seems that way. — MAGPIE, Toronto, Canada

A: Indeed, it does. Gandalf, who has some magical power even sans staff, is clearly much less powerful without it.

So what gives?

Since magical staffs aren’t “real,” it basically depends on what fantasy novel or movie you’re enjoying, and the conception of “magic” that the author has constructed for his or her world. In some books — like The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant — wizards absolutely require staffs to focus their magical energy, at least for offensive spells.

It’s hard to say where this tradition dates from, but it’s worth noting that staffs in the Hebrew Bible are often imbued with magical powers from God himself. Moses had one such staff.

As for staffs or staves, either one is correct.

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