This article was originally published in December, 2009.
Last week I pointed out the rather disgusting sexual appetites of certain fantasy heroines, namely Buffy Summers, Sookie Stackhouse, and Bella Swan.
But when you take a second look at these vampire/human couples, there’s another disturbing trend: an age gap.
Specifically, an age gap that in some cases spans several centuries.
And these are couples that in some cases involve a teenage girl. So why are we okay with this?
(Bill Compton of True Blood, you get a pass this week. Sure, you’re scandalously older than you’re girlfriend Sookie — you were in the Civil War, after all — but at least Sookie’s an adult.)
Let’s start with you, Edward Cullen, with your big dreamy eyes and your dirty, dirty hair. Sure, you may have that young, boy-next-door, Cedric Diggory-kind of appeal, but lurking behind that underdeveloped chest is the cold, dead heart of an old geezer. Does anyone else think it’s insanely creepy that an old man just keeps going back to high school?
It reminds me of that moment in Dazed and Confused when Matthew McConaughey says, “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” That was unsettling to hear from him, and he was a hot dude in his 20s!
And then you not only go after this girl, you fill her head with nonsense about how all you want to do is kill her, but you’re such a gentleman that you’ll behave and let her live. And somehow you get her to love you for it!
Do they not have Megan’s Law in Forks, Washington?
But of course, that’s merely Twilight, which came well after the couple that started it all: Buffy and Angel. Before they got all freaky with each other, it was relatively unheard of for humans to sleep with vampires. What did you unleash, Joss Whedon?
He was 247. She was 16. He kept telling her how much he loved her, and waited, patiently, until finally having sex with her on the night of her 17th birthday. You got that? He slept with her the moment she became legal. That’s just as creepy as all of those websites counting down to the day the Olsen twins turned 17.
And sure, she was technically legal when she started having crazy house-shattering sex with the punky Spike, but he was still over the hundred year mark, while she was a mere 21. And furthermore, he had been in her life since she was 16 — albeit as a mortal enemy — so he had known her in the context of being a child. What’s the deal, William the Bloody?
Aside from the fact that these are beautiful girls, one has to wonder just what someone who’s been alive that long would really have to talk about with a 16-year-old girl. Here’s a sample conversation:
Vampire: Hey, you.
Girl: Hey, you. You know what I was just thinking about? The ’90s. Man, the ’90s were kick-ass.
Vampire: The ’90s? Oh, please. They had nothing on the Roaring ’20s. Man, those days were the tops.
Girl: The top of what?
Vampire: No, the tops. The cat’s meow.
Girl: You have a cat? Aw, I love cats!
Vampire: Why don’t you listen to your i-Plod?
Girl: iPod.
Vampire: I miss speakeasies.
Yeah, not a lot in common. And yet in story after emo story, we see girls getting suckered in by these debonair vamps (and interestingly, almost never do we see these stories with the genders reversed).
So let this be a cautionary tale to concerned parents out there: if you see your daughter hanging around a boy with pale skin, an anguished expression, and an unusually vast knowledge of antiquated colloquialisms, get those crucifixes and garlic ready pronto. You’ll thank me when you don’t have any unexpected grandchildren with fangs.
Looking to buy any of the projects mentioned in this article (or any other media)? Support TheTorchOnline.com by purchasing it through this link.
Similar Posts:
- Buffy, The Vampire Innovator: How So Many Stories Owe Everything to Joss Whedon
- Buffy, Sookie, and Bella Are Just Filthy Necrophiliacs
- Are Horror Films (Gasp!) Feminist?
- BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER Movie Reboot to Proceed
- Sex in Space! Sci-Fi’s Hottest Couples
At least Buffy was somewhat mature for her age because she saw more than many mature people did and had a huge responsiblity even though 15 thing is very very iffy. What Edward is supposed have for Bella, who is a very typical teenage girl really even too stereotypical as thinking world turns around herself, is simply obsession. Seriously what do they talk about? Apart from “remember where you saved me last week oh and than left me” I am imagining something more like
Bella: “he is so beautiful. his hair is perfect,voice is perfect,….. is perfect” and swooning some more.
Edward: “hmmm blood”
*** TWILIGHT!!!! It runs like a vampire story written by a teenage white girl. BORING!!
Now with that out of the way, let’s talk about shows that are actually worth watching. Buffy,Angel and True Blood. Vampires are eternal, whatever age you were when you were turned, that’s the age your body will physically stay at for eternity. So both Angel and Spike are in their early to late 20’s. Perfectly fine with me. I agree with everything Dan said. Women are particularly attracted to vampires because they are strong, primal, distant and killers.
Girls do love the bad boys. Give them a decent guy who treats them well, respects them and would never hurt them and they wouldn’t even entertain the thought of taking that relationship past the platonic level. Instead they’ll jump on the first mysterious, brooding, douchey, older pretty boy that comes along like he’s the last chopper out of Vietnam. You know the kind of guy that they’re never sure if he’s going to hit them or not. That’s what girls like Buffy, Sookie and Bela like but in their case the guy might snap and make them a midnight snack.
Oh, I did not see this was humour-piece. And here I was coming back, ready to yell out “Sexist” and point out that Anya was over a thousand years old and dating Xander.
You complain about Buffy & Spike having sex because he’s older than her? The problem in that “relationship” wasn’t age, it was the fact that a depressed suicidal GROWN-UP was having sex a with a guy that had tried to kill her. Age had nothing to do with the sickness of that relationship. Specially since in many ways, Spike was more immature than Buffy.
I honestly can’t see the problem with age difference. My dad is 14 year older than my mom, and I doubt thir relationship would ahev been better of worse if the age difference had been bigger or smaller. So I don’t get your point. I do however understand feeling weird about Angel sleeping with Buffy when she was 17, because it sounds iffy, but she was more mature at that age than I am at 21, and I doubt I’ll get much more mature until the day I’m ready to have kids (so my 30ies I suppose).
And although Bella was young too, and I might disgree with her way of thinking about a lot of things, I can’t deny that she was mature enough to have sex and get married.
So what I’m saying is: Who cares? As long as the girls are mature enough, age differences doesn’t matter. Why would it be more gross to have sex with a younger girl if you’re 25 than it would if you’re 250? I honestly don’t get it. What proof is there that it’s more wrong? Because society says so?
I think you’re missing several layers of irony to the piece. Trust me, Tim is the least judgmental guy I know (which isn’t say much since I don’t really know ANYONE who’s judgmental…).
Mostly this is just humor.
The thing you people seem to be forgetting is that these guys are vampires ie the undead. This means that they haven’t biologically or physically aged since they were turned, which means that technically the only unethical one in the bunch is Angel, considering that he didn’t wait until Buffy was in her twenties, as he should have. Edward however was, is, and remains seventeen and was therefore dating an older woman when he finally married Bella. I can’t speak for Sookie, because I’ve never seen true blood, but Edward at least is vindicated. Angel, however, should have had more self control - especially considering the curse.
I have to disagree Edward is not 17 he is as old as he is chronologically.
The best example I could think of is people with progeria, a genetic disease that basically makes you much older physically than you are chronologically. They are considered their chronological age not their ‘biologial age’
So in summary, Edward is a creepy old guy who keeps going to high school. Which is all sorts of wrong in so many ways, unless it was a high school on the hellmouth…then it would be cool. Or if he decided to become a cheerleader and then it would be cool as he would be staked by Sue Sylvester.
If he was in Glee club, then it would be way uncool unless he was a castrada then cool again.
If Molly, Emilio, Judd, and Ally are in it, once again cool but only if there is bad dancing and a diatribe at the end reflecting the perils of peer pressure.
And any woman over a certain age will have the intelligence to stake or decapitate the lonesome old man vampire upon sight, instead of swooning and falling hopelessly in love with him.
No, it WAS her seventeenth - Angel slept with underage Buffy. Having originally fallen for her when he first saw her, back in LA before she moved to Sunnydale, when she was FIFTEEN (as revealed in flashback).
Even so, he still comes across as a lot less creepy than Edward, perhaps less because of his own qualities than because of Buffy’s as compared to that total drip Bella. I suppose we ought to give Edward a bit of a pass because he was a teen when he turned, and will find it difficult to meet older mortal women, but I’d be more inclined to do that if I didn’t hate Twilight.
Of course, the Buffyverse does have female vamps who took a shine to young men - it’s just that they then promptly vampirised them. That’s how Angel and Spike came to be. Also, the men were, well, men. I can’t really imagine Darla or Drusilla regarding teenage boys as anything but snacks.
BUT if the old man vampires can’t date teenage girls, who can they date? Only old woman vampires? That doesn’t offer much in the way of a continual fresh blood source does it?
And any woman over a certain age will have the intelligence to stake or decapitate the lonesome old man vampire upon sight, instead of swooning and falling hopelessly in love with him.
Maybe old man vampires should date ghosts. Ghosts don’t have many options for physical company do they? Actually, they don’t have any blood so that wouldn’t work? There needs to be more female werewolves in fantasy, then all the old man vampires can date female werewolves (like Angel did in season 5) and everything will be right in the world.
Very amusing. The legal age in California (where Buffy was) is 18. It was probably her 18th birthday.
On the serious side, speaking from experience, love doesn’t care how old you are. Age is completely irrelevant (aside from legal matters). My wife and I grew up in very different times and very different places with very different families. It has never been much of an issue for us, other than the rare odd look we get in public.
i was just about to reply to the article when i read this. The legal age in most US states is 18 if i’m not mistaken i’ve rarely heard otherwise but i’m sure there are some where it isn’t. i wont go into the easy jokes but we can all imagine which ones i’m talking about. as for Buffy it was her 17th birthday but technically in california age of consent begins at 15 but the older person has to be 3 years within your age. So it would still be illegal for Angel to sow his oats with 17-year-old Buffy as he was 227 years over the 20 that would be legal.
Haha, this is awesome.
The serious reply: This happens because vampires are an “ideal male” construction, from a young female perspective. Forget the undead thing - they are powerful, primal, and they stay physically young and lustful. Yet, in counter to their mortal teenage counterparts, they are old enough to have experience and make intelligent wisdom-based decisions. They are playmate and protector in one, bad boys who are dangerous and make you feel alive BUT can also be counted on to shield you from the evils of the world.
The better reply: Edward somehow hasn’t figured out that he’s gay. An aversion to mirrors, perhaps.
I think Edward should get it on with that elf guy from Dragon Age.