All year long, broadcast and cable networks hear pitches from writers and producers, which they then commission into actual scripts. Every winter and spring, they order some of these scripts to “pilot,” which means the show is cast and a “pilot” episode is shot.

Ron Moore's Virtuality

This does not mean that the show is necessarily going to make it on the air. Pilots are ordered precisely so the networks can decide whether they want to invest in them. From the pilot, they can see how the show looks, whether or not it “works,” and whether casting changes are necessary. Case in point, last year Fox passed on Ron Moore’s sci-fi drama Virtuality (though the project was so high-profile and expensive that they did end up airing the two-hour pilot as a mostly-incomprehensible TV movie last July).

Many more pilots are shot than ever become TV series — though the number of pilots ordered has fallen considerably in recent years as the networks try to save money.

Still, pilots are how networks pick their future schedules.

How does the current slate of sci-fi and fantasy-themed TV pilots look? Franky, not good. Despite strong starts, high-profile genre shows such as V and FlashForward have seen their ratings sink — and returning shows such as Fringe and Dollhouse fared little better.

Their relative failure has translated into a widespread consensus in Hollywood that sci-fi and fantasy shows are risky bets, especially since they tend to be more expensive than other shows due to elaborate sets and special effects.

In short, the current thinking is that the era of genre mega-hits like Lost and Heroes is over and that genre shows will now gravitate to pay cable channels like Starz (which airs Spartacus: Blood and Sand) or niche channels like SyFy (which is airing the second season of NBC’s Merlin).

Could some future show “break out” into a massive hit, upsetting the conventional wisdom all over again? Since everything in Hollywood is cyclical, you can bet on it.

In the meantime, Hollywood is playing it cautious. Here is the smattering of sci-fi and fantasy shows that we might be seeing on TV screens this fall and next winter:

The Cape (NBC): The highest-profile genre pilot to date is surely this one, about a former cop who is framed and opts to become a superhero to clear his name. Clearly an attempt to capitalize on superhero-movie-mania, the show stars E.R.’s David Lyons as the cop, and Firefly’s Summer Glau as an investigative blogger. Simon West (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider) directs the pilot episode.

Betwixt (The CW): Taking a cue from The Vampire Diaries, this is based on the young adult novel series of the same name, about three teens who are “changelings,” or the children of fairies, who can transform into mythological creatures: one has claws and fangs, one can fly. The show stars Jessy Schram (Life, Veronica Mars) and Allison Miller (Kings).

Three Inches (SyFy): Syfy has ordered a 90-minute pilot of this show about a “professional daydreamer and underachiever” who is struck by lightning and develops a “super-power” of the ability to move objects with his mind, but only a distance of three inches. SyFy has had enormous success blending humor with action in Warehouse 13, and this seems to be an attempt to build on that sort of cheeky irreverence.

2012 (ABC): ABC has officially passed on Roland Emmerich remake/sequel of the end-of-the-world movie 2012, which was supposed to be set in 2013 and tell the story of the survivors of the cataclysmic events of that movie trying to resettle the earth.

Nikita (The CW): This isn’t strictly sci-fi, but the CW is readying an update of the USA Network’s La Femme Nikita (which was itself based on the 1990 movie). Live Free or Die Hard’s Maggie Q will star — an interesting choice in a genre that almost always casts white actors as leads.

A Game of Thrones (HBO): As previous announced, this pilot, filmed last fall and based on the George R.R. Martin novel, has officially been picked up as a 10-episode series, though a broadcast date is not yet know.

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Q: Who really is the fairest one of all? — Donald, Lake Placid, NY

A: Does the All-Knowing Fantasy-Question-Answering Oracle look like a magic mirror to you? Do I? Do I?!

Nonetheless, I will deign to answer this question:

For women, the fairest of them all is, of course, Snow White — although when Snow White has a “bad hair” day, the title shifts to Angelina Jolie.

For men, the fairest of them all is Star Trek hottie Chris Pine, but only because the entire cast of Supernatural was recently disqualified due to an unfortunate set-wide outbreak of nose hair. The Oracle suspects it has something to do with the cold Canadian climate, where the show is filmed.

The “official” fairest of the them all

Q: With the hype machine gearing up for the release of Tron Legacy (the Tron sequel) and with Jeff Bridges being hotter than ever as a result of last Sunday’s Oscar win, is there any chance they’ll now do a Starman sequel? — Mary, Monterrey, CA

A: There is an ongoing internet campaign for a sequel to the movie, about the romance between a lonely woman (Karen Allen) and an alien who takes the form of her dead husband (Jeff Bridges), but nothing official has yet been announced.

The once and future Starman

Incidentally, The Oracle is convinced that the reason why Tron Legacy is a “sequel” and not a “remake” is the continuing hipster cred of the Big Lebowski himself, Jeff Bridges (the original star of Tron).

This says to The Oracle that if Tron Legacy is successful, a Starman sequel is a very definite possibility — and it’s more likely to be a sequel, so they’ll be a part for Bridges, and not merely a remake.

Q: I know wizards have “familiars,” or faithful animal companions who do their masters’ bidding in magic and other things. I have a cat, Whitepaws, to whom I am particularly close. Am I wrong to think of him as a familiar? — Marcia, Houston, TX

A: Yes. Whitepaws is not your familiar.

However, you’re not entirely wrong, in that there is a being in your household with a familiar. It’s just not you — it’s Whitepaws. A familiar does its master’s bidding, right? Face it: you are Whitepaws’ familiar.

Have a question about something fantasy-related? Please send an email to thetorchonlineoracle@gmail.com and be sure and include your city and state and/or country.

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The series, based on the series of novels by Charlaine Harris, has proved to be a massive hit for HBO, drawing  an average of over 12 million viewers per episode when video on demand, repeat telecast, and DVR numbers are all factored in. Only The Sopranos has drawn higher ratings for the premium cable channel.

Additions to the cast this season include werewolf Joe Manganiello (Spiderman 3’s Flash Thompson), Brit Morgan (The Middleman), and Kevin Alejandro (Southland) as a hospital orderly taking care of Ruby Jean Reynolds and who becomes involved with her son, Lafayette.

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Celebrate fantasy? A web browser?

Yes. Firefox now has built in support for “Personas,” a new type of theme. Personas are sort of like wall paper. They have some sort of image, and they are displayed in the background of the Firefox window. The Persona is most noticeable on the top part of the window in the area around the buttons.

The Firefox web site has a large gallery (more than 30,000!) of Personas. Like Firefox, they are priced at an everyday low price of $0. After browsing a while, it became clear to me that there is a Persona for (almost) every imaginable interest.

There are many fantasy-specific Personas, including ones for Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Twilight, Chronicles of Narnia, and Alice in Wonderland. There are also generic Personas featuring vampires and ghosts.

The Persona gallery can be searched. If you can’t find something that’s just right, you can easily create your own.

Firefox 3.6 has built in support for Personas. An add on gives support for Firefox 3.0 or better, and additional features for Firefox 3.6.

Some samples:

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• Amanda Seyfried seems to have forgotten her Red Riding Hood for her Esquire photoshoot, and girlfriend is smoking in a black lace body suit, or a corset, or well, anything. To hell with Jennifer’s body!

• Robot Chicken has its sights set firmly on two genre targets this year for the full-episode treatment like they gave Star Wars. Both James Cameron’s Avatar and the Twilight series are going to get the Robot Chicken treatment, with Avatar getting spoofed with its own action figures. I expect teary Twihard YouTube protests in 3-2-1.

• There are 20 Phrases To Make You Sound Brainier. My favorite? “Avatar, on a contextual level, is an abomination. But when divorced from its own merits, the sensory experiences are ceaselessly winning.” Best part? You can replace “Avatar” with “Rachel” or “Ben” or any friend and get away with calling your friends pretty but stupid to their faces.

• I don’t have a specific fantasy angle on this clip, but I think anytime you can bring the sun to a town above the arctic circle in the middle of winter, you’ve performed a kind of magic, and from the looks on the kids faces, I think they’d agree. Oh – and it’s a commercial for orange juice.

• The Telegraph spent a lot of time hanging out with Matt Smith on the set of Doctor Who. In addition to talking to his improbably mini-skirted companion Amy Pond, they got to look (but not photograph) the interior of the new, multi-level TARDIS, complete with swing.

• Friday I mentioned that it was a good year for Browncoats, as nearly the entire cast of Firefly had gigs. Now comes word that Summer Glau is joining The Cape, the “everyman” super hero show that NBC is piloting. She’ll play a low rent (blogger) Lois Lane to the low rent Batman knock-off the show is about.

• This amused me to no end, and I’d like to know what goes through someone’s mind to have them do Hutts and Recreation as a mashup of Star Wars and Parks & Recreation. I suspect it’s large doses of a psychotropic substance.

• Despite losing its Mary Jane, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark on Broadway is apparently moving forward according to the Green Goblin, Alan Cumming. Oddly, he says he has “flying rehearsal” two weeks before he has “rehearsal.”

• SyFy’s next dark fairy tale reimagining is Red, which like the Amanda Seyfried movie above, is about Little Red Riding Hood fighting werewolves. SyFy tweeted the first look at their own Red, Felicia Day. I think it’s fair to say they’re going for a contemporary look.

• There’s a rumor of a Dr. Who game for Nintendo Wii. The little game system that could is being targeted because it fits neatly into the same “family friendly” demographic that Dr. Who has always attempted to occupy. Plus I’m guessing a Wiimote is a very early-edition sonic screwdriver when you come right down to it.

• Entertainment Weekly tries to settle the debate of Batman vs. Superman that’s raged for so many decades, and comes down squarely in the Superman camp, because just like Spock in a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizards-Spock, Superman beats everything.

• There is a new Shrek film, and it’s a rip off of It’s a Wonderful Life. Shrek Forever After is what they are promising us is the last in the series, and I intend to hold them to that, even if arson is involved.

• Does Wonder Woman deserve the Smallville treatment? There seems to be a decent case for bringing her youth to the small screen.

• Chris Weitz gives a long interview about Twilight: New Moon. I can’t think of anything nice to say, so I’ll stop.

• We still have no idea who is donning Captain America’s tights, but we do know that he’ll have to battle professional villain Hugo Weaving as the Red Skull.

• As we prepare for a new Nightmare on Elm Street, we get a new Freddie Kruger action figure, both pre-burn and post-burn Freddie.

• Finally, Robert Rodriguez showed up at SXSW with a sneak peek of Predators, his “fresh take” on the classic franchise, that he swears will make us forget the films that came before were connected.

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Imagine that you try to save someone’s life, but she ends up dying anyway. Making matters worse, the police think it may be murder, and consider you a person of interest.

Lily Ivory finds herself in this nightmare situation in Secondhand Spirits by Juliet Blackwell. This is the first book in a new mystery series called Witchcraft Mystery.

Lily is a witch, and magic is heavily woven into the plot of the book. The added bonus — the “gimmick,” if you will — is that part of the magic is, according to an author’s note, based on interviews with “real life witches.”

Lily feels like an outsider, the result of being a witch. She’s drifted around the world for years, ever since being forced to leave her home town. Now she’s in San Francisco, where she hopes to establish roots. This gets threatened by the mysterious death, particularly when the police start checking her past.

In addition to the mysterious death, she gets involved in investigating the mysterious disappearance of a young girl, apparently the latest in a long line of children who’ve vanished from one neighborhood and never been seen again.

The plot is good. It’s not as neatly-crafted a puzzle as an Agatha Christie novel — although, let’s face it, very few writers reach that standard. But the plot is always interesting, and there is genuine suspense as to how it will turn out.

But what really makes this book, I think, is the character development of Lily. She’s an interesting character, and there’s a sense of depth and history. By the end of the book, I felt I’d only barely gotten to know her (unlike some books that make me feel like I know everything I’ll ever know about their oh-so-simple main character by the end of page two!).

Supporting characters don’t strike me as being quite as deep as Lily, but they are believable and have some depth. The secondary characters who impress me the most are the men. Often, mystery series that star a woman have men who are one dimensional cardboard cutouts who do little more than show up in time to bash the murderer over the head as he threatens the heroine’s life.

The highest compliment I can pay this book is this: I got this book as “light reading” for when I commute on the bus. I started reading it on my way home. When I got home, instead of setting it aside for the next day, I kept reading.

Pick it up. It’s a magically good mystery.

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Three and a Half Torches (Out of Five)

Warning: The following review contains spoilers for the “Mark of the Brotherhood” episode of Spartacus: Blood and Sand.

So, the past couple of episodes have been real downers. Therefore, it’s refreshing that with “Mark of the Brotherhood,” Spartacus: Blood and Sand starts to return to form.

At this point, though it’s been shy of two months for us, time has marched along a tad quicker in the ludus, and Batiatus is ready for some new blood to bolster the ranks of his academy. He heads out to the market to bid on new gladiators, and after a brief bidding war with his rival Solonius, he ends up overpaying for a slew of fresh blood. He doesn’t mind, however, since he now has coin to spare, and he rather gets a kick out of showing up Solonius in public.

The new recruits arrive, and in an echo of the second episode, Doctore indoctrinates them into the ludus with his speech, only this time it’s Spartacus who provides the grace notes rather than Crixus. It seems old Sparty is really taking to his new identity as the Champion of Capua.

Ilithyia watches the goings on from the balcony with Lucretia and Batiatus, and by now her fetishistic enjoyment of the gladiators is so obvious that Lucretia suggests she becomes a patron to one of them. To further goad her, Batiatus orders all of the new recruits to disrobe, and we get a gander at what I imagine has to be one of the show’s notorious prosthetic penises. If I’m wrong, the actor playing the new Gaul slave has a lot to be proud of. A lot.

The major sub-plot running throughout is Crixus’ attempts to win back the favor of both Lucretia and Batiatus (though he uses very different methods for each, natch), and after seeing him bully around Spartacus and Varro for so long, it was gratifying to see him become the underdog.

In the scene where he challenges Spartacus to a fight, I was suddenly reminded how the show use to focus on heavy-metal-driven slow-motion fight scenes, and, in fact, that they were integral to its identity. But, as will happen, the show has evolved to focus more on the characters and less on the spectacle, so it was fun to see a bit of the old Spartacus return as Crixus and our champion threw down.

The show has also done a good job exploring the role of women in this society, and the bitchapalooza that ensued when Ilithyia brought her friends to the ludus was a fun, snarky diversion, while also setting up what will be an important plot point in the episodes to come.

I have to say, when the show began, I never imagined that Ilithyia would grow to be such a villain while her husband Glaber is largely absent, so the writers deserve credit for the ingenuity. The only character who is truly pure of heart is Spartacus, as many others, even Varro, have succumbed to ignoble desires, while Crixus, who began as a one-dimensional bully, is evolving into a sympathetic character.

The show deserves praise for taking chances, as much for its willingness to show the dark side of every character as its daring displays of violence and nudity. As I’ve stated before, it treads where other shows dare not. While it saddened me that Barca and Pietros are seemingly forgotten by every single person in the ludus, I guess I have to move on and realize that for those living in this world, an untimely death is as common as the sun rising in the morning.

Spartacus remains a kick-ass show. And wait until you see the next episode …

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• It’s been a good week for Browncoats (or Firefly fans). Castle is on a role, so is Chuck. Alan Tudyk was just cast in the reboot of The Rockford Files, and now comes news that Sean Maher and Jewel Staite have an upcoming storyline on the mystical SyFy Warehouse 13 season coming up.

• MTV says that actor/comedian Patton Oswalt is prepping a one-shot comic with a new chapter to the Firefly story called Serenity: Float Out. It will center around a group of Wash’s friends getting together to christen a new ship.

• I suppose I can’t avoid it any longer – the trailer for Twilight: Eclipse has hit the interwebs, and other than a few more long, angsty pans, the only major additions I see are Dakota Fanning and her backup singers (whoops – that’s The Runaways). You can watch, or just catch the boss’ review of the teaser.

• Need to clear the taste of that from your mouth? How about 9 Lame Vampires Still Cooler Than the Vampires in Twilight? Personally, 3-year-old me found Count von Count terrifying.

• Casting is underway for Men In Black 3. This is totally unnecessary. Current names tossed into the hat are Josh Brolin and Sacha Baron Cohen, plus Flight of the Conchords‘ Jermaine Clement. Why can’t a tentacled green alien come up from the subway and eat me instead?

• I’d talk about casting for Captain America, but every time I pause writing to check my browser, there’s another name in the mix. With all these guys they’ve considered, they could have cast all of The Avengers and Ultimate Avengers as well.

• Charles Stross wrote a delightfully quirky pair of books that take place in The Laundry, which is kind of like the British Secret Service for dealing with the occult. Now it’s being turned into a roleplaying video game called, naturally, The Laundry.

• The creators behind the very odd and original Being Human have turned their attention to a new show for BBC One based around superheroes. Not a lot is known at this point, but it does sound like it takes place on a world similar to Earth, but not quite. The “not quite” part won’t be obvious in the beginning — which, let’s face it, is intriguing.

• Speaking of British things, there’s a new trailer for Robin Hood out, and it looks possibly worse than Twilight: Eclipse (see, I have a running theme). I don’t remember any epic battles of thousands of knights battling for the king’s throne in the versions I’ve read (OK, watched the Disney cartoon). It’s included here for you to mock, plus it has knights and castles and battles on horseback, so it almost fits.

• Oscar and Golden Globe nominee Eric Roberts has agreed to star in Roger Corman’s Sharktopus for Syfy. I hope he plays the sane guy that saves the day, because he doesn’t look crazy enough to invent a sharktopus.

• Speaking of Sharktopus, if you recall a few columns back I said I wanted SyFy to make Pirahneagle because it was the most terrifying thing I could imagine. A bunch of you jumped in with other great suggestions. We’ve all been one upped, because someone else came up with a list that while lamer than ours, had Photoshop applied to create the beasts. But seriously – Wolfoenix looks like a gay pride mascot.

• Most people have a reaction to the name J. Michael Straczynski. He created Babylon 5, which people either think is better than Star Wars, or dumber than Twilight. I don’t know how to react to the news he’s taking over both Superman and Wonder Woman comics.

• I’ve been trying to figure out how to describe Box of Shadows. It’s about a 15^th century steampunk coffin that lets live people play ghost. But like any good Final Destination rip-off, death isn’t amused they just want to play dead and wants them to stay dead. Still, the box is kind of neat.

• Night of the Living Trekkies is headed your way from the publisher of Pride, Prejudice and Zombies. It’s been described as “Galaxy Quest meets Dawn of the Dead” which is either the most terrifying thing I’ve ever heard, or the most brilliant. Head over to the link to see Zombie Spock.

• Christopher Nolan did a long interview with the Los Angeles Times that they pitched as being about Inception’s dream thieves, Dark Knight, and Superman. As far as I can tell, all they said is the equivalent of “we know what we’re doing.” No details of any of it emerged other than Superman is a reboot, and Dark Knight 3 is an epilogue. If anybody else finds more content than that, put it in the comments.

• The latest analysis over at the always cynical TVbytheNumbers.com has the ratings for Legend of the Seeker up slightly, but not a ton. Needless to say, they have the show on deathwatch.

• Robert Englund has the most ridiculous looking horror/comedy micro-budget film in the works called The Moleman of Belmont Avenue. This has camp classic, Troma-should’ve-done-it written all over it, and I can’t think of a better way to start the weekend.

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I know, I know. After being very vocal about my disdain for ’80s cartoons being turned into movies here …

… and here …

… and, in comic form, here …

what gives me the gall to go ahead and do a Fantasy Casting piece for the feline superheroes?

As I’ve said before, it’s how we roll at TheTorchOnline.com.

Unpredictable. Sexy. Dangerous.

One thing to keep in mind — the movie will most likely be using the Avatar-like effect of motion capture fed into CG characters, so even if an actor doesn’t look like a character, that doesn’t really matter.. With that said, away we go …

Lion-O — Craig Horner

This wouldn’t have occurred to me last year, but on this season Legend of the Seeker star Craig Horner returned with a shaggy mop of hair, giving him a very leonine (or as one reader hilariously pointed out, llama-ish) appearance. Horner has proven that he can effortlessly play the hero in a high fantasy project, and is adept at swordplay, something to put to use when wielding Lion-O’s Sword of Omens.

Panthro — Taye Diggs

This role should go to a 30-year-old version of Morgan Freeman, but if such an actor exists, he’s not on my radar. Instead, I would hand it to Taye Diggs, the stunningly handsome and versatile actor who got his start on Broadway in RENT and is currently being wasted on Private Practice. Why wasted? Anyone who saw Equilibrium knows Diggs should be a megastar feature film action hero.

Cheetara — Emma Stone

Cheetara was the only adult female Thundercat (until that ho bag Pumira showed up in the second season) and was as nurturing as she was kick-ass. My suggestion would be Emma Stone, who embodied both of those attributes (though the latter way more than the former) in last summer’s hilarious Zombieland. To top it off, check out those beautiful feline eyes! She was born for this role.

Tygra –Shawn Ashmore

Tigra was a more sensitive guy than Lion-O and Panthra, and his “super-power” was the ability to turn invisible. Despite his strength and agility, Tigra was a more cerebral character, and was the inventor of the group. This kind of dichotomy between tough guy and sensitive man can be perfectly played by a guy like Shawn Ashmore, who proved as Iceman he can be a big time superhero without having bodybuilder muscles.

Wiley-Kat — Michael Cera

How do I put this nicely? Wiley Kit and Wiley Kat were, well, irritating in the cartoon, and don’t exactly lend themselves to the big screen. Therefore, they’re going to need a major overhaul for the movie version, and a sense of humor goes a long way. I nominate Michael Cera as the boy, Wiley Kat. Cera is a true master of the awkward teenage persona that brings the funny, and he would rock this part.

Wiley-Kat –Ellen Page

Okay, this may reek of stunt casting. That’s because it is. But I fell in love with Ellen Page and Michael Cera as an on-screen duo when the two starred in Juno, and they have such amazing chemistry they deserve another go around. But instead of churning out another romantic teen comedy, I say go against type and rock the epic CGI high fantasy.

Jaga - Ian McKellen

Jaga was actually a ghost, the spiritual remains of Lion-O’s one-time mentor. A few years ago I would have thought that Ian McKellen, esteemed actor of stage and screen, one of the most lauded thespians of our time, would be way too high-brow for a project like Thundercats. But then I saw his turn as a voice actor for a polar bear in The Golden Compass, and I realized that the man needs to make a paycheck just like the rest of us.

So there you have it! TheTorchOnline.com’s pick for the cast of the upcoming fantasy/scifi/feline blockbuster, Thundercats. One of these days, Hollywood, we’re going to start charging you.

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Before Buffy ever picked up her first stake, before Sookie realized she couldn’t read Bill’s mind, before Bella … did whatever it is she does  … there was Sam Emerson, who had to deal with his brother’s slow transformation into a vampire.

Sam was played, of course, by Corey Haim, who was a teen heartthrob in the ’80s alongside fellow Corey, Corey Feldman. (The two even starred in a reality show together a few years back titled, naturally, The Two Coreys.)

As with many child stars, the transition to adulthood was difficult to bear, and Corey Haim stopped landing lead roles in films. Sadly, his life ended yesterday at 38 years old.

Needless to say, it’s incredibly sad when anyone passes away decades before their time, and our condolences go out to his friends and family. But seeing as how we are, in fact, a fantasy entertainment website, I believe it’s appropriate to celebrate Corey Haim’s life by reflecting on what was probably his best film, The Lost Boys.

I was only in my single digits in the ’80s, so my knowledge of that decade is mostly archaeological in nature, but I do remember big hair, stretchy clothes, and lots of bright colors. All this and more can be found in The Lost Boys, which is at once a great, kick-ass horror movie, and something of a time capsule.

Boys was ahead of its time in that it was a horror movie that was truly, truly scary, yet also possessed a sly and not-too-subtle sense of humor. Nine years before Scream, the filmmakers managed to strike that perfect balance of frightening and funny.

Corey Haim, who in a Hollywood rarity was playing a teenager when he was actually a teenager himself, is the anchor of the film, and in fact the audience surrogate: he’s the normal guy surrounded by vampires, vampire hunters, and a half-vampire brother.

His performance was, above else, very funny, and to have such a self-aware understanding of comedy at such a young age is a rare thing.

The movie itself has aged particularly well, no easy feat for effects-heavy genres like vampire flicks. It helps that a lot of strong performers round out the rest of the cast, particularly Keifer Sutherland as the terrifying vampire baddie David. In the fourteen years between Lost Boys and 24, Sutherland would make a name for himself playing psychos and criminals, so his turn-around as uber-good guy Jack Bauer was a real surprise.

It’s interesting to note how much the vampire genre has changed since The Lost Boys. These days, the case can be made that it’s a female-dominated field, with the aforementioned Buffy, Sookie, and Bella leading the way in vamp-franchises Buffy the Vampire Slayer, True Blood, and Twilight. In Boys, however, it’s only, well, boys doing the heavy lifting.

But gender politics aside, The Lost Boys remains one of my favorite vampire movies of all time. It’s got a rockin’ soundtrack, a great retro feel (although it didn’t when it came out, obviously), some spectacular aerial vampire fighting, and a promising and precocious star in Corey Haim.

It was a great performance, Mr. Haim. We’ll miss you.

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Lucky for us, when Elizabeth Mitchell takes a break from fighting aliens and Joshua Jackson takes a time-out from the alternate universe, we can just flip over to another channel and pick up Spartacus or Caprica.

We’re not desperate for network TV shows to return, but we confess that we are excited.

Here’s a look at when our favorite fantasy shows are coming back, and what to expect when they land.

Warning: Mild spoilers below!

FlashForward (March 18, ABC) — The one future FlashForward can’t seem to predict is its own. Ratings haven’t been promising, and critics can’t decide if they love it, or if it’s a watered-down, island-less Lost. The show has been on hiatus since Christmas, which has given the writers a chance to rethink their strategy. Their plan is to stop asking so many questions and start answering the ones they’ve already posed. Plus, they’re adding Battlestar Galactica favorite James Callis to the mix, which is enough to get almost any fantasy fan’s heart thumping.

Supernatural (March 25, CW) — Supernatural’s 100th episode will air April 15th. There are rumblings that Jo, Ruby and Bela will return, but CW hasn’t confirmed it. Before that, though, Sam and Dean have got to figure out what’s happening in Bobby’s hometown. Or, more accurately, they’ve got to figure out how to deal with the zombie infestation going down in Bobby’s town (including Bobby’s wife). The apocalypse is nigh! Of course, the apocalypse has been nigh and the show has still managed to entertain for 100 episodes. We’re not expecting brimstone just yet.

Vampire Diaries (March 25, CW) — O.C. alum (and my all-time favorite TV mom) Melinda Clarke joins the cast as Matt’s mom when the show returns. She’s not crazy about Caroline — though to be fair, when has she ever been crazy about any of her TV children’s partners? (Except Luke, who she slept with.) In other news: Stefan will be vamp-napped by some revenge seekers, Damon will be auctioned off for love, and a stranger knows Elena’s secret.

V (March 30, ABC) — Executive producer Scott Rosenbaum has promised at least two or three reveals in every one of V’s final eight episodes. There’s going to be a showdown between Erica and Anna, too. In addition to driving the plot forward at breakneck speeds, Rosenbaum also insists that viewers will be rewarded with long-awaited backstory. ABC hopes the combo story-telling with reinvest viewers who are already familiar with the show, while hooking in a new audience. V is on the bubble, so we’re crossing our fingers the strategy works.

Fringe (April 1, Fox) — In their spring preview issue, Entertainment Weekly reported that the relationship between Peter and Olivia “will develop a lot” by the end of the season. The dichotomy between Walter Bishop’s past and present will become even more “moving and poignant.” And he and William will definitely meet up at the end of the season. We already know that Fox has greenlit a third season of Fringe, so we’re expecting nothing less than a delicious cliff-hanger in the two-part finale.

Smallville (April 2, CW) — CW has already granted Smallville a tenth season, making it one of the longest-running primetime shows ever. Unfortunately, most of the original cast has moved on, and there’s a good chance Erica Durance won’t be back next season. But for now, Clark’s got the Silver Banshee and Max Lord to deal with. Maybe Smallville’s producers can de-Kryptonite Lana and bring her back for season ten, now that Kristin Kreuk done messing with Chuck and Sarah’s true love on Chuck.

Also of (non-network) note Stargate Universe returns with five new episodes on SyFy on April 2nd. And Matt Smith’s Doctor Who is coming to BBC America on April 17.

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