Like any genre, fantasy has had its share of groaning-inducing moments, in both books and film. Here are my picks for some of the absolute worst:
(1) The Giant Mole in City of Ember
In last year’s fantasy-esque movie City of Ember, about the mystery surrounding an underground city, it wasn’t enough to merely stick to the terrifically fast-paced children’s book by Jeanne Duprau on which the movie was based.
No, they had to go and add “action” and “excitement” — in the form of a giant mole. The creature shows up, completely unexplained, for a single scene, almost destroys an entire building, and then disappears again, with absolutely no mention or panic from the residents of Ember. Then at the very end, the giant mole suddenly shows up again in the most blatant case of deux-ex-machina since Ancient Greece.
The movie wasn’t great, but it was better than the studio executive who made them add that stupid giant mole.
Hiding from Ember’s stupid mole
(2) The Tri-Wizard Tournament in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
The tasks in Goblet of Fire’s Tri-Wizard Tournament always struck me as credibility-stretchers, even within a world of wizardry. Fourteen year-old Harry has to risk being killed by a dragon?
But the second task, where Harry is required to find “important objects” in Hogwart’s Lake, is by far the most ridiculous. What are those “important objects”? Four of Harry’s friends, submerged in the lake, on the verge of death if Harry doesn’t rescue them.
If it’s all an illusion, what’s the point? But it seems pretty clear that it’s not all an illusion, especially since there is talk about how the tournament was previously discontinued for being “too dangerous.”
In other words, Dumbledore and the other teachers are just standing by while four students might die if Harry fails the task — all in the name of tradition? (Yes, yes, Dumbledore later says the whole point was to root out Voldemorte. But risking the lives of children?!)
A ridiculous plot contrivance in an otherwise interesting series.
Goblet’s stupid “task”
(3) C.S. Lewis’ Intrusive Religious Views in The Last Battle
Obviously Lewis intended his Chronicles of Narnia to be an allegory for his Christian religious beliefs, which is all well and good. But what made the books timeless classics for even non-Christians is that the stories work on several levels: the religious allegory one, but also a universal, literary one.
In short, you don’t need to be Christian to enjoy the books.
At least until The Last Battle. In the seventh book in the series, Lewis gives his inner Christian completely free reign, writing a book about “final judgment” and heaven — with a preachy, ham-fisted plot that makes almost no sense unless you’re a Christian, and subscribe to the beliefs of that mythos.
The disaster that is The Last Battle can’t mar the simple beauty of the six books that come before. But it’s a disappointment nonetheless.
(4) The Trailer for Bridge to Terabithia
As anyone who’s ever read Katherine Peterson’s classic children’s novel Bridge to Terabithia knows, it’s the understated story of two teenagers who concoct a pretend fantasy world to combat the horrors of their real lives — and the touching 2007 movie, with only modest special effects, was pretty faithful to the book’s vision.
But the trailer for that film, in one of the most misleading advertising campaigns of all time, tried to fool people who hadn’t read the book into thinking that the movie was the story of two kids who find an elaborate, and actual, fantasy world:
The stupidly misleading Terabithia trailer
(5) The “Suit of Armor” Sex in Excalibur
In Excalibur, John Boorman’s 1981 film about the Arthurian legend, Uther pretends to be the Duke of Cornwall in order to seduce his wife, Igrayne. What disguise does he use? A full suit of armor.
In other words, he has sex with her wearing a full suit of armor.
Is this even possible? Wouldn’t a cloak have worked just as well — or how about just turning out the lights?
A cause for laughter in an otherwise excellent film.
(6) Peter Pan’s Ridiculous Racism and Sexism
I’m not sure which is more exasperating about Disney’s 1953 animated film Peter Pan: the parade of shockingly racist Native American stereotypes in, or its sexist portayal of females as spiteful and petulant (Tinker Bell) or completely passive and worthy of only contempt (Wendy).
Okay, I give up: it’s the racism. This clip is so offensive it makes me want to take a shower:
Peter Pan’s stupid racism
(7) Eragon
Don’t get me started.
(8) The Synthesizers in Ladyhawke
This one seems stupid only in retrospect. The 1985 movie Ladyhawke is the story of a pair of doomed lovers who can never be together — one turns into a hawk during the day, while the other is a wolf at night. At the time, it probably seemed like a good idea to give it a more contemporary, teen-friendly feel by having Alan Parsons compose a synth-heavy score.
But oh, how times change! Though the movie is set in medieval times, the distracting mid-80s score now inspires only mood-destroying laughter:
Ladyhawke’s now- stupid music
(9) Tom Cruise Apologizing to a Unicorn in Legend
Ridley Scott’s 1985 fantasy film Legend had an incredible look. The script? Not so incredible.
In just one of many cringe-inducing moments, Tom Cruise apologizes to a unicorn for stealing its horn, and setting all manner of evil into motion.
And hey! More mid-80s synthesizers!
One of many stupid scenes in Legend
(10) Jim Carrey in A Series of Unfortunate Events
Honestly, has the man not already ruined enough movies?
Carrey stupidly hamming it up
I liked Jim Carrey in A Series of Unfortunate Events. I thought he portrayed Count Olaf’s cunning and skeeviness (it’s a word!) quite well. He goes from pathetic and disgusting to sneaky and quite scary quickly and cohesively.
that harry potter moment is probably the only moment i have seen of the films… really turned me off from the whole HP craze.
I love “Legend”, it’s always been one of my favorite movies. I realize your being snarky but Jack doesn’t steal the horn. Lily touches the unicorn & the goblins use her stupidity to “kill” it & take the horn.
I also like “Eragon”, sure, not great literature but still likable imho.
I found the Last Battle to be pretty epic. Sure, I’m Catholic (besides, we beg to differ on Lewis’s interpretation of The End in TLB =P), but its biblical allegories didn’t feel like an intellectual handicap. It just felt as epic as any other mythical fairytale.
Never understood the idea that the minute some Abrahamic Religion seeps its way into a piece of work, be it book, film, or music, people get all touchy about it. And yet, neo-paganism is lapped up like crazy in films such as Avatar.
Oh man, I couldn’t agree with you more abotu Bridge to Terabithia - a ton of parents with whom I work were furious because they thought they were taking their kids to a feel good disney movie and of course we all know what happens in the end, it’s a lesson about the fragility of life. The trailer for that movie looked like Disney had just epically ruined it, but it ended up being pretty good still (the CG effects were completely unnecessary). But for any parent who went in there with a young child it was a life lesson they didn’t expect to have to explain.
While I agree with most of your choices, I have to say THE worst moment in Fantasy history was when they cast Tom Cruise as Jack in ‘Legend’. Talk about ruining a film, it still makes me weep.
An on-and-off fan of Jim Carey, but dear lord I wish he’d of stayed away from SOUV. The film was bad enough being condensed…
I hope that you’re talking about the Eragon movie, in which case I completely agree. If you were talking about the book, well . . .
I can’t stand that version of Peter Pan, it’s just all round awful, and a poor adaptation of Barrie’s masterpiece. The 2003 live action version was much better.
I’ll have to watch the 2003 one…
About the Harry Potter thing; in the book you think they’re all in danger, but after the contest is over it’s revealed that was only Harry’s interpretation, and he finds out that nobody was going to die - which makes him feel like a fool for trying to save them all - but he gets bonus points for it.
And I don’t think Tom saying he’s sorry to the unicorn in Legend is stupid at all. And I love the Tangerine Dream soundtrack.
Well, at least you’re not defending PETER PAN. I suppose we can let you stay. ;-)
Good list, though I feel like the infamous Chicken That Is Not A Chicken scene from the Sword of Truth series deserves a mention. It’s almost as stupid as Eragon. Almost.
i had sort of forgotten about that (or glossed over it in my memory) but the evil chicken was all kinds of ridiculous. i missed seeing the mud people in Legend of the Seeker…
I don’t think the armour thing in Excalibur is about Uther’s disguise (Merlin’s spell did that job for him). Rather, it’s about Boorman’s conception of armour as a PART of his knights, almost a second skin. (Notice the way wounded knights bleed through the hole in their armour, instead of the blood running down inside; and how it’s always a big deal with a specific plot-purpose when a knight appears NOT in armour.) The sex scene was still funny though.
I quite liked Carrey’s Count Olaf.
Oh! You’re right! I totally forgot about the spell. That actually makes the scene even more ridiculous.
I confess I can’t abide Jim Carrey.
Ha! Now there’s a coincidence—recently on another board we were talking about how the musical score of Ladyhawke pretty much ruined the film, the general consensus being that it was one of the worst scores ever. It completely destroys the mood of the entire story, in my opinion (though Broderick’s performance doesn’t help matters either; his character seems much too contemporary as well, somehow).
These comments about Eragon worry me. I haven’t yet read this series. In most cases, I like to wait until I have the entire series before I read it. Sometimes that can lead to problems if I’ve spent time and money collecting the series and then find its not very good. Fortunately, that doesn’t happen very often.
I guess I’ll have to see if I agree with all of you when I get around to reading Eragon. (So many books, so little time)
Haha, I really had to chuckle when reading these, because I totally agree with the majority of them.
Like, was I the only one to wonder whatever became of Susan at the end of The Last Battle? Is she just left behind to mourn her entire family? That alone was a HUGE switch from the other books. I’m not even gonna get into the rest of the incongruities.
And Eragon…well, I gave the second book a try hoping that since the author was older, perhaps the story would get better…but when I predicted the “shocking twist” at the end far before it actually came(Hello? The book is CALLED “Eldest”. If you’re gonna foreshadow, don’t put it in your title!), I kinda gave up. Then when they made the movie, they trashed the plot even more. And I thought it couldn’t get too much worse.
I couldn’t get beyond the first eragon book, sadly.
Oh, and I’d like to add that I think the giant mole was the most blatant use of Deus ex Machina since Beowulf, that might be one of the definitions of it.
Oh thank god I’m not the only person who didn’t get the giant mole in Ember. People, if you are making a movie based on a book, a book that did well, then why’da feel the need to change random parts of it! And I read Terabithia but never saw the movie because I was afraid they changed the whole thing (and because that book had a sad ending, I don’t like watching moves that have sad endings).
A lot of people hate the mole, apparently. It made no sense! Why didn’t anyone else even NOTICE it?!
Even my sons came home from watching the movie (after we’d read the book) and said they couldn’t understand why the movie had a mole in it. When a 7 and a 9 year old boy each find the mole stupid- then you know it really WAS stupid. I mean, they could go for hours on poop jokes.
I am in complete agreement (or I was too young and haven’t gotten around to seeing) with everything.
But I have to comment on:
“(7) Eragon: Don’t get me started.”
I’m at work reading this and I laughed loud enough to get the women in the next cube to give me funny looks. I tried to read this when it first came out and I kept thinking, “I’ve read this before, a lot of times and it was done better then.”
I have similar feelings about this book and Twilight. Basically, I want to know what everyone sees in them! I feel like I have to be missing something.
The giant mole was sooooooooooooooooooooo stupid.
Hear hear on the Harry Potter thing!
Hey, I like Puzzle! :-)
Okay I’ll give you Puzzle.
Forgive my ignorance, but… Puzzle?
Isn’t that the name of the Donkey? IronFisted?
I never thought about that Harry Potter scene but…yeah.
That music in Ladyhawke is hilarious! And oh lordy that Peter Pan scene is bad.