The Nightmare Before Christmas

Tim Burton is currently filming a live-action version of Alice in Wonderland for Disney starring Johnny Depp and Anne Hathaway, and I know I should be excited because it’s another high-profile fantasy film, based on one of my favorite children’s books.

I should be excited, but I’m not, because I can say with almost absolute certainty that while Alice in Wonderland will look amazing, it will be a terrible movie.

Why? Because Tim Burton in the director.

First, let me concede a couple of things up front: Burton has a great, almost revolutionary visual style. Whether or not he was personally responsible for the terrific look of the stop-motion films such as Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas that bear his name (which is apparently debatable), there’s no question that he’s brought an incredible aesthetic to moviegoers in films such as Sleepy Hollow , Beetle Juice, and Edward Scissorshands.

And these three at least are actually great movies, among my favorites of all time.

Tim Burton

But a great visual style does not a great director make. And as this particular director has become more powerful, with presumably more input over his scripts, his movies have become increasingly incoherent.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the book by Roald Dahl, is admittedly high on concept but light on plot. But for the first thirty minutes of Burton’s 2005 film version, the director managed to find the story.

But then the kids enter the chocolate factory, Charlie virtually disappears from the plot, and the whole film sinks in a river of oppressive musical numbers and a thoroughly unappealing, decidedly unmagical Willy Wonka. And what a crappy ending! Wonka makes chocolate because his dentist father wouldn’t let him eat candy — and it’s up to Charlie to help Wonka reconcile with his father? Really?

Then there is the trio of stop-motion animated films that bear Burton’s name: Nightmare, James and the Giant Peach, and Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride. Nightmare is by far the most successful of the three, and the film has an admittedly terrific central conceit with one holiday “town” infiltrating another, not to mention fantastic songs. But then, right on schedule, the plot frustrations begin. Why do Lock, Stock, and Barrel deliver Santa to Oogie Boogie? Why is Jack so clueless as to think that kids will appreciate his macabre presents? How does he survive the crash after the military shoot him down?

It’s hard to care about a story when you get the sense that even the director doesn’t care.

And let’s not even get started on the remake of The Planet of the Apes, okay? And Big Fish? Honestly, did that make sense to anyone?

There is risky, sophisticated storytelling, and there’s just plain sloppy writing, like the director had other things to think about rather than story. Which Burton obviously does — the visual “look” of the films, which is always flawless.

Often Burton’s films aren’t just incoherent, they’re actually unpleasant to sit through, like he’s literally decided to punish the audience for some reason. Burton seems to be deliberately trying to disgust us in Batman Returns.

Burton’s worst film is probably Mars Attacks!, which managed to waste one of the most amazing casts ever assembled (Glenn Close, Annette Benning, Jack Black, Michael J. Fox, Jack fricking Nicholson, etc.?) with scene after scene of aliens, well, attacking, and a litany of boorish, unfunny jokes.

Mars Attacks

Burton’s frequent misfires rarely connect with audiences, but inexplicably, they’re often well-reviewed by critics. No doubt this goes back to their visual style, which is admittedly stunning. It’s impossible not to be impressed by the technical wizardry, and I suppose some credit is due to Burton because of this. Indeed, Ed Wood was so visually impressive, and the subject matter was so unorthodox, that it was almost enough to forgive the film for having yet another terrible, incoherent screenplay.

Almost.

Isn’t the point of atmosphere and visual effects is to serve the story? They’re far too often lacking in a Tim Burton film, and it’s high time the world started calling him on it.

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